"Learning how to forgive-that’s really tough. It’s easier to stay mad. But unless we learn how to really forgive, we never learn how to really love."
Prologue
The sun shone brightly upon the warm autumn day, the trees glorious in their brilliant shades of reds, yellows and oranges. A slight breeze blew lazily through the air, catching the young woman’s long auburn hair in its grasp as she walked purposefully through the cemetery. It had been a long time though since she had rejoiced in the beauty of the sun or the trees, as they got ready to surrender their leaves to the winter.
It had been a long time since she had found joy in anything. All one had to do was to look into her doe-like brown eyes to see the traces of pain and sorrow that she had been carrying with her for four long years. Some say that ‘time heals all wounds’ but this woman knew otherwise and that was why after four years of being away from this place, she now found herself back at the place from which she had fled. Running hadn’t helped to ease her pain and all she could do was pray that maybe facing it head on would help.
She drew in a deep breath as her eyes found what she had been looking for, and she knelt down in the grass in front of the stone.
"Andrea Monica Graham" She whispered aloud, her gentle Irish lilt sweeping over the words,
"Beloved ‘Little Angel’ of mother, Erin. May she now sing with the angels she so loves." The young woman felt hot tears fill her eyes, which she fought back.
"Hello, Andrea. I know you aren’t really here, but it seems as good a place as any to talk to you," She lowered her head for a moment, trying to find some magical words that would cleanse her soul,
"I suppose you may be wondering what I’m doing here after so long, and the truth is, I’m not entirely sure myself. I do know that I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I failed you and I did fail you, Andrea. I should have known what you were up to that day when you took those pills. You were asking me about heaven, but I ignored the signs thinking you were just curious. I failed you and I failed your mother." Her voice trembled as tears began to fall onto her cheeks. Looking up at the blue sky, she whispered,
"Why did I come back here? This hurts too much…"
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
Hearing a painfully familiar voice, she rose to her feet, coming face to face with Tess, her one time supervisor and friend. Her first urge was to throw herself into her arms, but then her expression became more guarded. What did her old friend think of her now? Wordlessly, she gazed down at the grass, unsure of what to say.
"Monica?" Tess’ voice was kinder this time, clearly seeing the pain on her Angel Girl’s face,
"Baby, it’s Tess and you know you have nothing to fear from me."
Sobs escaped the young angel as she ran the few steps to her old friend and found herself wrapped in the safety of Tess’ arms, a safe haven that she had longed for over the last few years,
"Tess….Oh Tess…"
"I know, baby, Tess knows." The older angel rocked her in her arms gently, one hand moving to stroke her hair,
"I’ve been so worried about you, Angel Girl…so terribly worried." She felt the angel trembling in her arms and knew immediately that being away for the last four years had not healed her broken spirit. Monica was as hurt and wounded now as she had been the day Andrea had died along with her friendship with Andrew.
W..What are you doing here, Tess," The angel whispered, not wanting to let go of her friend.
"I’ll tell you what, baby. Lets go have a seat on that bench over there and I’ll tell you and you can tell me where you’ve been the last four years," Seeing her young friend nod, Tess wrapped her arm around Monica’s shoulders and led her over to the bench. As they sat down, Tess pulled her close, noticing that she was still trying to stop the flow of tears. She smiled as Monica rested her head on her shoulder and kept her arms wrapped around her, much like she used to do when she was afraid or upset in the early days of their working together.
Drawing in a deep breath, Tess began by answering Monica’s question,
"Andrew and I have both been here the last four years, baby, for a couple of reasons. First off, Erin needed us. Secondly, Andrew has not been allowed to leave town because of some charges that are being held against him-."
"What?!" Monica cried out, her head jerking up to meet Tess’ eyes,
"How could there be charges when I wasn’t even here? I never even went down to the station to give a statement, Tess! I couldn’t do it!"
"When you disappeared, the police were concerned about foul play, baby. They consider your case to be unsolved and have asked that Andrew not leave." Tess explained gently.
"No, oh Tess, no!" The angel covered her face with her hands as she shook her head miserably,
"I never meant for that to happen, Tess! You have to believe me!"
Tess tenderly reached out and pulled Monica’s hands away from her face, her eyes filled with love for the younger angel,
"Sweetheart, whatever makes you think that I would not believe you?"
Monica was silent for a moment as a single tear escaped her eye,
"Because Andrew wouldn’t." Came the whispered reply.
Tess was quiet for a moment, seeing the pain that consumed her friend all too clearly now,
"Where’ve you been, baby?" She asked softly, deciding not to comment on what Monica had just said, though she knew that whether she answered or not, either was hurtful.
"I went back to work until last year," Monica explained her voice scarcely audible,
"But nothing was right, Tess. I couldn’t concentrate and Carla…her eyes are so much like…his… it hurt to even look at her. So, last year, I asked the Father for an indefinite leave of absence until I could get my head together. He allowed it, but I had to stay human and not return Home until everything was settled one way or another. He always made sure I was provided for, but I’ve pretty much just wandered the last year, trying to forget what happened, but I know now that was impossible. As angry as I was at Andrew for everything…"
"For hitting you?" Tess asked gently, watching as the tears welled up in Monica’s eyes once more.
"For that especially, Tess. I still cannot believe he did that and it hurts that someone I loved so much, I was suddenly afraid of! I know that Andrea’s death was my fault, but I never meant for it to happen, Tess!"
"It wasn’t your fault, Monica…it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Andrea used her free will, baby. You KNOW that." But Monica was shaking her head adamantly.
"No, Tess, I’m at fault. It took me awhile to accept that, but I do now. Andrew was right-I could have stopped it, but I didn’t see it in time, and she died!" Tears falling like the rain once again, the Irish angel lowered her head and wept.
Stunned, Tess drew in a deep breath, already knowing that there was no way she could change Monica’s mind about this. She had always taken every word Andrew said to heart and this was no exception. The only one who might be able to take this guilt away from her Angel Girl was Andrew and Tess didn’t know if he would ever be willing to do that,
"So, that just leaves me with one question, baby. What are you going to do now?"
Monica looked up into Tess’ eyes once more, her own eyes widening with fear,
"No, Tess. I can’t face him…I can’t!"
"You know, baby, sometimes there are hard choices to be made when it involves someone we love, but what you have to decide is whether the fight is worth it or not. If you lose, you’re no better off then you are now, but if you win…" Tess looked at her, trying to see if she was getting through. She would have thought that after 4 years, some of the pain would have lessened, but it was still as raw as it had been way back then,
"You think about it, Angel Girl. You know where I am if you need me."
Monica nodded her head numbly, rising to her feet to hug her friend once more,
"I love you, Tess."
Tess gave her friend a gentle kiss on the forehead,
"I love you too, baby," She replied, hating to leave her, but knowing Monica needed time alone in order to make the right decision.
As Tess departed, Monica sank back down onto the bench, hating the feeling of being alone once again, especially after spending the last year that way. Could she do what Tess was suggesting? Could she face Andrew again after all that had happened? How would he react to seeing her again and would it only make things worse, if things could get any worse?
She only knew that the grief she had been carrying with her over the last few years was beginning to consume her and if she didn’t do something soon, it would soon take all that she had ever been. She wiped at the tears on her cheeks, just as new ones replaced them. How much longer could she cry before the tears ended, she wondered. There was scarcely a night when she didn’t cry herself to sleep, remembering that horrible day, four years ago, a day that had changed her existence forever. A day that had been filled with pain, anger and betrayal that she had relived in her mind over and over again.
How could she ever face him after what she had done…after what he had done? Would she feel afraid of him as she had the last time she had seen him, or would she be able to see traces of the old Andrew that she knew and loved with her whole heart? Yes, that was the one thing she knew for certain-beyond the anger, beyond the fear, she loved him, just as she always had, but for the first time in her existence, Monica found herself wondering if it was enough.
Chapter 1
Walking through the front door of Erin Graham’s home an hour later, Tess let out a soft sigh as she recalled her earlier conversation with Monica. It had taken the angel by total surprise to see her "Angel Girl" again, at this place, but she also felt some relief. Maybe now after having talked to her and hopefully gotten through to her to come to the house, things could start to get back to normal again…and that the charges against Andrew would be dropped for good.
Hanging up her coat in the hall closet, Tess ran a nervous hand through her hair as she headed towards the living room. Questions of how her "Angel Boy" would react to Monica’s sudden return rang in her brain; would he be happy? Sad? Angry??
As she entered the cozy living room, the angel’s brown eyes came to rest on the figure lying down on the couch against the wall. He lay on his side, his arms hugging a small throw pillow. His green eyes were wide open, but didn’t acknowledge Tess’ presence as she entered and sat down beside him. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, which caused Tess to think that he must be in thought about everything once again.
Reaching over and laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, but seeing him still not turn and face her, she spoke up softly,
"Baby? You okay?"
Turning ever slightly to give Tess a quick glance, Andrew turned back around, again resting his tousled, blonde head on the pillow, and nodded slightly, but not saying anything.
More concern flowing through her, the older angel decided to cut right to the chase and tell him what she needed to tell him. It was the only way. No matter how her friend would react, he had to know about Monica’s sudden arrival back to this town.
"Baby, where’s Erin?" she began softly, rubbing her "Angel Boy’s" shoulder,
"I need to talk to you two for a minute here…"
For the first time since she arrived back at the house, the other angel replied quietly,
"She’s in the kitchen."
"Did I hear my name called?"
Erin’s sudden voice coming from the kitchen and the young-looking woman coming into the living room with a hot cup of coffee in her hand, her blue eyes showed identical concern like Tess’ as they came to rest on Andrew,
"Andrew? Are you okay? Please, tell us the truth here – "
"I’m fine," Andrew interrupted in the same quiet tone, eyes slightly moving to his human friend,
"I’m just thinking, that’s all…"
Sighing softly, her eyes now filled with sadness, Erin now turned towards Tess, who still sat at their friend’s side,
"What do you need Tess? I heard my name mentioned…"
"You’re right, honey," Tess replied seriously. "I do need to talk to you both right now. All three of us together…something occurred an hour ago while on my walk; something that could maybe get the charges against Andy dropped for good…"
Cringing slightly at the hated nickname, Andrew weakly raised his head off of the small pillow and swung his long legs back to the carpeted floor. Still holding the pillow, as if for protection, the human angel leaned back against the couch cushions at the mere mention of the charges against him. As he had tried so hard over the past four years to forget about this nightmare, just the realization that he was unable to leave town brought everything back to him. And Erin’s presence…
"What happened, Tess?" Erin piped up, breaking into his thoughts. Hope was evident in the woman’s voice as her eyes widened,
"What did you find out??"
"You mean ‘whom’, Baby," the angel corrected, looking from Andrew to Erin and back again, her gaze staying on her "Angel Boy",
"Monica’s back here, Angel Boy. I ran into her at the graveyard, at Andrea’s grave – "
"MONICA is back??" Andrew burst out before his former supervisor had a chance to continue. His green eyes now held horror at the thought of his once best friend now back here,
"She’s – I mean, she…"
Laying a hand on her friend’s arm to calm him down from the sudden announcement, Tess continued softly to him and Erin.
"It’s okay, Andrew…It will be okay. I invited her over here and she’ll think about it, Babies. I seriously think she may drop the charges against you, Angel Boy – "
"Well, she BETTER drop those charges, Tess!" Erin cried out, rising to her feet, her eyes wide,
"She not only left Andrea alone to die, but then just disappeared into thin air as well! I would hope that after four years of hiding from us, she’d come back and face us! And to start…the cops need to know about this, Tess! Andrew…if they know that angel is back in town – their ‘victim’ – that’s all we need to have those stupid charges dropped…and get Monica over here to say for herself that’s what she’ll do. Actually…I’m giving them a call right now!"
Not waiting for a response from either of her friends, Erin took off to the nearby kitchen, ready to help the angel again who had helped her so many times in the past.
As the kitchen door slammed shut, Andrew felt sudden tears spring to his tired eyes as he faced Tess,
"Monica may come HERE?! Tess – I – I don’t know if I can see her again! I don’t know if I WANT to see her!! How – how could you…"
"Baby, you NEED to face her," Tess gently informed her former charge, scooting closer to wrap an arm around his shoulders,
"If Monica DOES show up, you two need to talk, just like she will have to face the cops to drop those charges and you as well. But you can’t just give up, Angel Boy – "
Before she could continue, however, the ring of the doorbell interrupted Tess and the two angels turned at the sound. His heart pounding like a dozen drums at once, Andrew closed his teary, green eyes at the possibility of who it could be…someone he just couldn’t face…
"Why don’t you answer the door, honey?" Tess gently suggested, looking at her friend’s face,
"If it is Monica, this is the first step of healing for you two. And Erin as well hopefully…Remember, Andrew, every tiny step counts."
Removing her arm from her Babies shoulders, the angle gently urged him to stand to his feet and head for the front door. His heart still pounding, along with his head now, the human angel walked on shaking feet towards his destination.
Unlocking the front door with trembling fingers, Andrew drew in a deep breath as he opened it up. His heart nearly stopping, and the sudden anger boiling up all over again like it did four years ago, Andrew wished he could just run and hide as he came face to face with Monica.
*******************************************************************************************
Chapter 2
There was silence for a few moments as the two angels came face to face again after four years, before Monica swallowed hard and forced herself to speak,
"Hello, Andrew." She managed, her voice scarcely a whisper as she tried to force herself to not turn and run away. The anger on his face was undeniable and for a moment she felt as if she were once again living in those moments following Andrea’s death.
"Monica," He nodded curtly, unsure of what else to say. What else was there to say? His eyes took in the details of her and he felt a little of the anger leave him, seeing how frightened she looked. This wasn’t the same angel he had stood on this porch with four years ago; something was different, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
As the tension mounted between them, Tess appeared behind Andrew and she watched as relief flooded Monica’s eyes. Coming around her Angel Boy, she extended her hand to Monica, wanting to get her in here, before the young angel vanished for good,
"Hello, baby," Her rich voice was warm and soothing as she felt Monica grasp her hand tightly. Gently pulling her around Andrew, she started for the living room,
"C’mon, Angel Boy, we have some talking to do."
Andrew closed his eyes miserably, as he slowly closed the front door and forced himself to follow them. He sat down in the chair as Tess and Monica sat down on the couch. He could tell that the youngest angel was anything but comfortable here, but he refused to feel sorry for her, despite the tugs at his heart.
Monica’s hands worked nervously as she opened her mouth to tell Andrew that she had never meant for the charges to stand against him, but before she could, Erin appeared in the doorway. The young woman’s eyes were furious as they met with Monica’s.
"Well, look who decided to come back," Erin’ words were filled with sarcasm,
"Did you decide to come back and face the mess you left here, Monica, or is this strictly a social visit?"
Monica lowered her head, feeling herself beginning to tremble and no longer able to face Erin’s accusing eyes,
"Erin, I am so sorry and I know that there are no words to express how sorry I am for what I did, but…"
Andrew glanced sharply at Tess, his eyes wide. Monica blames herself? He watched as Tess nodded her head, knowing what he was asking.
"You’re right, Monica," Erin continued, not able to give the angel even a chance to defend herself,
"There are no words to describe how to feels to bury your only child! Especially when I thought that leaving her in an angel’s care would be safe! I should have left her with Andrew-Andrea may not have liked him at that point, but I can promise you, she would have been alive when I got home!"
As Tess shot Erin a look that would hopefully silence her, Andrew looked once again at Monica, watching the tears that welled up in her eyes. Surely as angry as he was with her, she didn’t deserve this.
"And then to just run away?" Erin continued, four years of pent-up rage now coming to the surface,
"To not even face what you did? That certainly isn’t very angelic, is it, Monica?"
"Erin, that’s enough," Andrew said sternly, rising to his feet and walking over to his human friend,
"That’s enough," He repeated, more softly this time.
Erin opened her mouth to reply, but as she did, the doorbell rang and she hastily went to answer it.
Looking back to Tess and Monica, Andrew watched as Tess wrapped her arm tightly around the young angel, who was trying desperately to stop the tears. His heart pounding loudly, he began to walk towards them, but Erin interrupted him as she came back into the room with two police officers,
"Okay, Monica, here is your chance to do something right for the first time in four years." Erin stated, the anger still lingering in her voice.
Monica looked up, confusion clouding her eyes. Was this the only reason Tess had asked her to come here?
"What are they doing here?" She uttered weakly.
"I called them," Erin stated firmly, crossing her arms in front of her,
"Andrew has had this hanging over his head long enough while you went on your merry way."
"Are you dropping the charges, Ma’am?" One of the officers asked.
Monica opened her mouth to speak, more confused then ever, but once more, Erin interrupted,
"Go on, Monica! Tell them!"
"Baby?" Tess asked worriedly, as she watched her Angel Girl looked dazedly from the officers to Andrew, who had an indescribable expression on his face.
"Is this why I’m here, Tess?" She whispered, her voice laced with hurt.
"Ma’am?" The officer persisted, impatiently.
"Monica!" Erin snapped, her own patience worn thin by this delay.
Feeling her head begin to spin as the voices of Tess, Erin and the officer seemed to blend together, the young angel cried out,
"I don’t know! Do I have to do this now?"
A silence fell over the room for a moment, before the officer broke it,
"I’m sorry, ma’am. Perhaps this isn’t a good time. You can come down to the station when you are ready to speak with us." Tipping his hat regretfully, he turned and left the room and the house.
As the sound of the front door closing echoed through the room, Andrew turned and without another word, hurried upstairs. His eyes held fury as he left and the slam as he shut the bedroom door, caused Monica to jump.
"That’s great," Erin muttered angrily as she headed back to the kitchen,
"That’s just great!"
Monica covered her face with her hands, wanting nothing more than to leave this place and never return,
"I didn’t mean it like that, Tess, I didn’t. Is that why you asked me to come? Just to drop the charges against Andrew?"
"No," Tess stated firmly, pulling the younger angel’s hands away from her face,
"You should know better than that, Miss Wings."
"I don’t know anything right now.." She whispered miserably,
"I can’t stay here, Tess. I can’t."
"Baby, I had no idea Erin had asked the police to all but meet you at the door. That baby has been doing better, but I think seeing you has brought back a lot of emotions for her-NOT that it was your fault."
"But it is, Tess, it is. And Andrew…I just want to go," Monica rose to her feet, preparing to leave and never looking back.
"Is it that easy, Monica?" Tess asked firmly,
"Your best friend is up those stairs and he’s hurting and so are you. Is it so easy to walk away from a friendship that started a few decades ago?"
"What do you want me to do, Tess?!" She cried out in desperation,
"He doesn’t want to see me!"
"That’s where you’re wrong, baby," Came the gentle reply,
"I know it appears that way right now, but nothing is further from the truth. Andrew does want to see you and deep in his heart, he wants to make things right again, just as you do, but one of you has to take that first step."
Monica stood silently for a moment, wiping at the tears on her cheeks and trying to get her emotions under control. She had heard Tess’ words and wanted more than anything to believe them. Trying to calm her racing heart, the hurting angel walked slowly across the room and headed up the stairs.
Chapter 3
Andrew paced back and forth in the bedroom that had been his for the last four years, trying to gain control of the wide range of emotions that were flowing through him. Seeing Monica again after all this time had brought a lot of things back for him, only this time the emotions were confusing.
He had had a lot of time to think over the last four years and even though he wanted to stay furious with her, he knew he had very few reasons to be. Yes, she had him arrested, but he also knew that was a direct result of the one thing he wished more than anything he could take back-slapping her. He sighed heavily, running his hands through his blond hair as his mind traveled back to the horrible day on the porch. Monica had been devastated by Andrea’s death; there was no doubt in his mind about that and he had verbally attacked her when she was vulnerable, which had caused her to lash back in grief and self-defense. Yes, he had been angered by her words, but oh Father, he never had any right to strike her. He was ashamed to know that anger of that capacity could even dwell within him. Anger great enough to reach out and inflict pain on one he loved.
But then again, five minutes ago, she could have started the healing process for them, by just telling the police it was a misunderstanding, but she had been unable to do that. Sure, he knew she was overwhelmed, but would it have been so difficult to just say "No"?
Hearing a knock on his door, he sighed once more, expecting a lecture from Tess,
"Come in," He responded softly.
As the door opened, he swallowed hard as he came face to face once again with Monica’s pain-filled eyes. Guilt tore through him again as he noticed her hand was shaking as she closed the door behind her and he realized that she seemed afraid of him.
"Can we talk?" Monica whispered after a moment of silence between them.
"I don’t really see where we have anything to discuss," He replied, unable to stop the words. Was it really so much easier to remain angry?
She lowered her head for a moment, her hands once again working nervously,
"Well, maybe I do then. Andrew…I’m sorry about what happened down there…it was all just coming at me at once and I couldn’t think straight. I just-."
"No, Monica. That is the only word you needed to say-‘No’, and it would have all been over with," He stated firmly.
"I know," Came the quiet reply, as her eyes remained focused on the floor,
"And I know you want this over with, so I’ll take care of it today. Then you’ll be free to go."
Andrew closed his eyes for a moment. She had every right to be furious with him, so why wasn’t she? What was it that was so different and why couldn’t he put his finger on it? He opened his eyes when he heard her start speaking once more.
"You’ll be rid of me for good then and I know it’s what you want and it’s definitely what Erin wants. But I never meant for things to happen as they did and maybe one day you’ll realize that."
As she looked back up to him, Andrew saw the tear that slid down her pale cheek and though one part of him wanted nothing more than to hold her closely to him, another part of him wouldn’t allow it. Was four years of pain too much for them to overcome? Were the hurts that had been inflicted so long ago still causing this barrier between them? They had betrayed each other’s trust, so were they now just suffering the consequences?
"Anyway, that was what I wanted to say," Monica continued after not getting any response from him, but he could hear the tremble in her voice,
"I never thought the charges would hold up after I had gone, Andrew." She fell silent then, staring at the floor once more, knowing she had been getting ready to ramble. But maybe they both knew that there was nothing else to say.
"I’d better go," She whispered finally as she turned to leave the room.
Though his heart cried out for her to stay, he remained silent, watching as with the same trembling hand, she opened the door and slipped out, closing it softly behind her, but not before casting one more look in his direction.
In that one look, Andrew could see everything. The hurt, pain and betrayal she had been carrying with her and in that moment, he was sure of two things.
One was that he now knew what the difference was in her. That light that he had so loved about her; that light that dwelled inside of her had been snuffed out. It was gone from her eyes, replaced by sorrow and loss. He had known instantly when he saw her today that she was deeply depressed-all the signs were there, but it wasn’t until now that he knew what he had been looking for and missing. Her light.
The second thing he knew was that he was the reason that light was gone. Despite Andrea’s death and despite being arrested, he had caused this. It was his jealousy over her relationship with Andrea that had caused him to lash out at her more than once. Later that jealousy had turned to anger when Andrea had died and in those moments of grief following her death, he had realized he would now never get the chance to befriend Erin’s daughter. Feeling robbed of that, he had looked for a place to lay blame, somewhere to direct his anger, and he didn’t have to look far.
But now he knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, how very wrong he had been. He was the reason that the most precious friendship he had ever had was over. In four years, the truth was finally clear to him as images of those days of betrayal flashed before his eyes. He had done this, and for the first time in four years, the angel understood why it was easier to remain angry. Being angry held the truth at bay and had made him blind to it. The truth that had all been in those doe-like brown eyes as they had sadly gazed at him before leaving the room, with the intention of leaving his existence.
And for the first time, since that day at Andrea’s grave, the angel sank to his knees and wept.
Chapter 4
Head down to the ground as she walked down the steps back to the living room, Monica tried to hold back her flood of tears as she wasn’t watching totally where she was going. As she stepped off of the bottom step, a bump and a snappy female voice interrupted her thoughts of misery.
"Why don’t you watch where you’re going, Monica, and then you won’t run into people?"
Bringing her head up, the Irish angel cringed as she found herself now looking into Erin’s angry face. Fear rushed through her Monica as she realized that she hadn’t been watching where she was walking and had ran right into the woman that now hated her guts.
The human’s glare was icy as she looked angrily at the angel, as if looking for an explanation of some sort for the run in.
"I – I’m sorry, Erin…I wasn’t…"
Interrupting the angel’s intended apology to her, Erin snapped back,
"So, did you talk to Andrew? Did you get things situated with the poor guy after what you did to him??"
Flinching, Monica turned her head away from Erin’s gaze and brushed past her and into the living room. Still not facing her, she stopped in the middle of the room, listening to the human’s questions. Not knowing what to say, finding herself so confused over everything, Monica decided to not say a word until Erin’s voice spoke out again.
"Well, Monica? Did you?? The least you can do is give me an answer!"
Still not facing the young woman, Monica tried unsuccessfully to fight back her tears as she spoke in a trembling voice,
"I – I don’t know, Erin…I – "
"Oh, now are you lying to me, Monica?? What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?! Isn’t that why you went up there in the first place? To make things RIGHT and not make things WORSE??"
Turning pain-filled eyes towards the angry woman, Monica allowed her tears to roll down her cheeks, inwardly flinching at the words of Erin. Not trusting herself to speak, fearing what the words would be if she spoke them, Monica allowed her to attack her verbally.
"I don’t even know why God made YOU an angel if all you do is hurt your friends, my daughter and then lie! I just don’t even know WHY, Monica!! So why don’t you just get out of my house, get out of my life and out of poor Andrew’s life, huh? I never want to see you again!!"
Lower lip trembling at the words spoken to her, Monica gave her head a weak nod before heading towards the nearby front door on shaky legs. As soon as she neared it, sobs starting to tear through her, Monica bolted out of the house, the door shutting firmly behind her, not looking back.
*****
"Baby, what was that all about there?"
Tess’ voice interrupted Erin’s angry thoughts as she stood in the middle of the living room, watching as the front door closed behind Monica. Blonde hair flying behind her as she turned to face the other angel who stood just at the entrance to the kitchen door, Erin frowned as she realized that it looked like Tess had overheard everything she had just said to Monica.
Let her lecture me, Erin thought as she narrowed her flashing, blue eyes to the carpet and folded her arms across her chest. It’s not like I’m going to change my mind about Monica. She hurt all of us and she deserves everything she gets…
"Erin?" Tess repeated, her voice more stern,
"I asked you a question. What just happened with Monica?"
"Look, it’s not really any of your business, Tess," Erin snapped, finally looking into the older angel’s stern, brown eyes for a moment before turning her head to face the staircase,
"So just leave it be, okay?"
"No, I won’t leave it be, Baby," Tess continued, stepping closer to the human, ignoring the tone of voice she was using towards her at the moment,
"I heard everything that happened between my Angel Girl and you. I heard that you just kicked her out! Why did you do that, Baby?"
"I told you that it’s none of your business!" Erin heatedly snapped again, turning towards the stairs and starting to make her way up them,
"Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go check on Andrew and see if he’s okay after what Monica did to him…"
Before the human could make her way up the stairs, Tess stepped forward and grabbed Erin’s arm, stopping her before she could make her way up to the second floor of the house,
"No I won’t excuse you, Erin. How do you know what Monica said to my Angel Boy? Hmmm?"
Pulling her arm out of the angel’s grasp, Erin leaned up against the banister and glared back at Tess, anger burning through her mainly at Monica, but also to Tess for defending the other angel,
"I know because Monica lied to me, Tess! She lied – "
"No she didn’t, Erin," Tess tried to confirm the angry human as she stepped closer to her, sternness evident in her voice,
"As a matter of fact, YOU don’t even know that. You didn’t have some tape recorder with you to record their conversation – "
"Well, Monica told me that she didn’t know if things have been situated between her and Andrew yet! What else should I expect from her?? She’s a liar and that’s it! Now if you’ll EXCUSE me now, I’ll be in the kitchen."
Forgetting that she was going to go check on Andrew, Erin stormed into the kitchen where Tess had once been and slammed the door behind her. Leaning up against it as it closed shut, the human lifted a hand up to her blue eyes, forcing herself to not burst into tears. Wiping her hand over her face, Erin let out a deep breath as she went over to the counter where the coffee maker sat and opened the cupboard door to take out a mug.
*****
Several hours later…
Night came quickly that day and before anyone knew it, darkness had come over the small town. It was past 6 PM as Andrew finally came down the staircase, a sad look displayed on his handsome face, along with tiredness in his green eyes. His eyes were still slightly red-rimmed from earlier as he came down the steps and into the living room. Turning his head to see if there was any sign of Monica around, Andrew frowned as he turned to face Tess, who was sitting on the cough reading a magazine.
"Tess?"
Lifting her head up from the magazine she was skimming through, the other angel turned to face her "Angel Boy" and smiled sadly.
"How you doing, Baby?" she asked gently, yet worriedly.
Shrugging his shoulders, Andrew came closer to his friend and sat down beside her, purposely not answering her question because he wasn’t so sure himself…except that he was worried about Monica’s whereabouts right now,
"Tess, where’s Monica? She’s been gone since this afternoon; I’m starting to get worried about her…"
Setting the magazine she was looking at down on the coffee table in front of them, Tess let out a soft sigh as she faced her younger friend sadly, not totally sure of how Andrew was going to react to this bit of news. How would he react towards Erin??
"Andrew…Erin kicked her out several hours ago after she came up and tried to talk to you."
Confusion contorted the human angel’s features as he looked into Tess’ brown eyes,
"What are talking about, Tess? Where’d she go?!"
Shaking her head as she placed a gentle hand on her "Angel Boy’s" knee, the angel answered as best as she could,
"The Father only knows that right now, Angel Boy. He hasn’t told me where she went, but she’s not here – "
"ERIN did this??" Andrew cried out, anger starting to get the best of him once again…only this time at his human friend. How could she just kick Monica out?! "She kicked her out and into the middle of nowhere?? How – how could she do that!!"
"Andrew, calm down," Tess tried to reason with her friend as she tried to continue speaking, but getting nowhere,
"Erin – "
"Erin kicked Monica out; that’s what you just said, Tess!" Andrew yelled, eyes filled with horror at the thought of Monica, who was in such bad shape at the moment, out in who knows where in this town?? Rising to his feet, and not listening to what Tess had to say, Andrew ran towards the nearby kitchen and threw the door open.
Erin stood at the stove, a spatula in one hand and an apron around her waist as she cooked some meat in the frying pan. Anger rose through the angel as he looked at the woman who was supposed to be his friend.
"Erin, how could you kick her out like that!!" he cried out, coming towards her, his emotions once more getting the better of him,
"Why did you kick Monica out??"
Whirling around, spatula in hand, Erin turned wide eyes towards her angel friend, shocked at his sudden anger,
"What do you mean, ‘why did I kick her out’, Andrew? I did it for you! You don’t deserve to have her TREAT you like that!!"
"You KICKED her OUT, Erin!!" Andrew repeated loudly, placing his hands on the countertop and looking angrily into Erin’s large, blue eyes,
"Tess doesn’t know WHERE she is! I don’t know where she is!! She could be lost out in the middle of NOWHERE for all you care, Erin! WHY?!"
"I just told you why, Andrew!" Erin cried back, frustration evident in her tone of voice,
"Monica…She hurt you so deeply that I kicked her out of the house, out of our lives and I told her that I never wanted to see her again! What’s wrong with that, Andrew?"
Staring open-mouthed at the human before him, not sure to believe that this was the same Erin who he had been friends with for so many long years. The same Erin who had always been sweet and kind towards everyone…But, unfortunately, the angel knew deep down that this was the same Erin, although with a personality transformation after her daughter had killed herself…
Shaking his head, Andrew closed his tear-stained, green eyes before opening them and facing Erin one final time before turning back to the living room. His voice was strained as he spoke,
"You know what, Erin? I don’t believe you…I really just don’t believe you…"
Turning on his heel, Andrew ran back out into the living room, where Tess was just standing up from the couch. It was obvious that Andrew’s outburst was heard all the way into the living room and his former supervisor had definitely heard it all. Ignoring her and everything around him, Andrew headed towards the closet off to the side of the hallway and immediately grabbed his jacket.
"Andrew! Where are you going?" Tess demanded as she ran towards her friend, who was shrugging into the heavy jacket.
Zipping the coat up part way, Andrew turned to face the angel, desperation on his face,
"Tess, I need to go find Monica! It’s freezing out there tonight and it looks like it could rain any minute now…and she’s out there by herself! My instincts are telling me to do this and I have to…Please, can I borrow the car?"
Letting a deep breath out and shaking her head, already knowing that she needed to talk to her "Angel Boy" about how he had just reacted to Erin and also to Erin again about her kicking Monica out, Tess reluctantly headed over to the coffee table back into the living room and handed over the car keys to him.
"Be careful, Baby," Tess sternly ordered, closing his fist, which held the car keys,
"Drive safely out there; you’re still angry, frustrated and confused and I don’t want anything to happen – "
"I will be, Tess," Andrew impatiently responded, pulling his hand away from his friends’ and leaned over to kiss Tess on the cheek quickly before heading towards the door,
"I’ll be careful! I’ll be back soon with Monica."
Not waiting for a response, the young angel hurried out the door and closed it tightly behind him, locking it up.
*****
As he drove through the dark town, Andrew’s heart beat wildly as he still hadn’t found Monica. Where was she?? She had to be around here someplace…
Stepping on the gas of Tess’ large, red Convertible, Andrew turned a corner, the headlights of the car bright. Turning his head briefly to look over at a nearby park, and finding nothing there, the angel let out a frustrated sigh as he turned back towards the road.
But another car in front of him was coming towards him in the wrong direction and Andrew let out a gasp as he grasped the steering wheel tightly and tried to swerve ahead of the out of control car. But, unfortunately, he was too late. Before the angel in complete human form could let out a scream, the car crashed into the one Andrew was driving; Andrew’s head jerked forward and smashed into the shattered front window. A loud noise was heard all around him, along with lots of pain in his body, and as he realized that he still had to go and find Monica, everything turned pitch black.
Chapter 5
Tess parked Erin’s car along the deserted back road, her eyes scanning the area surrounding the lake. It had begun to rain about 10 minutes ago, the drops filled with the coldness of late fall. Grabbing her umbrella and a blanket that was in the backseat, the angel began walking down the path, the voice in her heart directing her on where to go.
She fought back a flood of tears caused by her worry about Andrew, as she reminded herself that Erin was with him right now at the hospital. Tess had been there long enough to know that he had sustained a few broken ribs, but most critically, a severe cut to his head that had caused the doctors to worry about him not regaining consciousness and possibly slipping into a coma.
She reminded herself once again that God was with her Angel Boy, and even though she knew He was with Monica as well, she also knew that the youngest angel needed reminding, and more importantly, a friend. Tess was more than concerned about the depression her baby had fallen into over the last four years and when Tess had heard Erin attacking her and Monica not fighting back, she realized just how bad it was. There was no fight left in her baby, no will to defend herself against Erin’s heartless attack and Tess was deeply concerned over what this news of Andrew’s accident was going to do to her.
Tess could only remember one other time when Monica had fallen deep into despair, and that time was when she thought she was going to lose both she and Andrew. But this was worse, much worse, because for the last four years, she had lost her best friend, not to mention having kept herself consumed with guilt and Tess was worried that something inside of her Angel Girl was dying, little by little.
Tess’ eyes came to rest on the solitary figure sitting by the water’s edge, head bowed, body shaking from emotions as well as the cold. Approaching carefully, so as not to frighten her, Tess gently wrapped the blanket around Monica’s shoulders, watching as the mournful brown eyes turned to face her.
"Tess?" She whispered, her eyes filled with questions as to why her friend was here.
"What are you doing out here in the rain, baby?" She asked gently, smoothing the wet hair back away from her eyes, which were swollen from crying.
"I had nowhere else to go," The voice was still no more than a whisper, as fresh tears filled her eyes.
Tess swallowed hard, knowing she couldn’t put the truth off much longer,
"Sweetheart, I need for you to come with me right now. Baby, there was an accident, involving Andrew. He’s in the hospital."
"What?" Monica looked at Tess with disbelieving eyes, trying to fathom what it was she was saying,
"What happened?"
"He was out looking for you, Angel Girl and another car hit him. He’s got a nasty cut on his head that the doctors are worried about. He hasn’t regained consciousness, baby." Tess watched as the exhausted eyes looked away for a moment.
"Will he be okay, Tess? He will be okay, right?" Her voice trembled as she asked the questions that she knew deep inside that Tess could not answer.
"I don’t know, Angel Girl," Gently, Tess reached for her hand and pulled her off the rock where she was seated,
"C’mon, baby, lets you and I go see how he’s doing."
****
Erin looked up from where she sat beside of Andrew’s bed when she heard the door open behind her. Seeing Tess, relief flooded her eyes, but the relief soon turned to anger as she saw who was behind her,
"What’s SHE doing here?" Erin asked harshly,
"Especially since if Andrew hadn’t been out looking for her, he wouldn’t be in the hospital now."
"Erin," Tess replied, her voice laced with infinite patience,
"That’s enough."
Erin gazed at Monica, noticing that the angel was wet from the rain and had a blanket wrapped tightly around her shivering form, but she made no move to meet Erin’s eyes,
"I need some air anyway," Erin muttered, rising to her feet and heading for the door,
"I don’t think this hospital, let alone this room is big enough for her and I."
Monica flinched at the words that were directed at her as Erin departed and then the angel’s eyes came to rest on Andrew. His handsome face was badly bruised and a large bandage covered part of his forehead. Slowly, Monica approached his bedside and sat down in the chair that Erin had abandoned, bowing her head for a moment. Looking back up, she hesitantly reached for his hand, but stopped before she actually touched him.
It had been four years since she had touched him-probably that day that Andrea had the accident and Monica had taken him for a cup of coffee. After that day, the only times he had laid a finger on her were in anger-to shake her or hit her…
She shook her head, trying to clear away these thoughts, but she returned her hand to her lap just the same, her thoughts in turmoil. Watching his face as he slept, her mind was filled with so many memories, both good and bad, and as they flashed before her eyes, she began to tremble uncontrollably.
"Baby?" Tess asked worriedly, as she approached and laid her hands on Monica’s shoulders, but the young angel didn’t turn around. Instead, she rested her arms on the bed and slowly lowered her head down into them as she broke into tears.
Keeping her arm wrapped around her Angel Girl’s shoulders, Tess gazed once more into Andrew’s sleeping face as a few tears of her own escaped her eyes,
"C’mon, Angel Boy and wake up. You’re needed here, sweetheart," Her voice was a whisper which barely rose above Monica’s sobs,
"You made a promise a long time ago that if she needed you, you would be there. Well, I can’t think of a time when she needed you more than she does now."
But Andrew never stirred.
Chapter 6
"…Remember what his doctor told us a few minutes ago, Angel Girl," Tess soothingly spoke a half hour later as she stood up from where she had been seated by Andrew’s bedside,
"I’m going to go get us a bite to eat down at the cafeteria. I want you to stay here, Baby. Dr. Madison did say that Angel Boy could hear us, so say what’s in your heart, Monica; the doctor is right. Andrew could wake up if you talk to him…"
Nodding weakly, but not saying anything, Monica watched as her former supervisor gave Andrew’s motionless hand a gentle squeeze and then reached over to give her own back a gentle rub before heading towards the door.
"I’ll be back in a bit, Baby," Tess softly said before departing out into the hallway,
"Just talk to him. The Father and Dr. Madison are telling you the truth that he can hear us…"
Upon hearing the hospital door close, Monica felt tears fall from her already red-rimmed eyes and down her cheeks as she looked over at Andrew’s frail body. The bruises on his face made her cringe, along with just looking at him. Her heart pounding loudly, the angel slowly and tentatively reached a hand out and, for the first time in four long years, grasped her friend’s hand gently in her own.
Her lower lip quivering and the tears coming faster as she realized what she was doing, Monica looked from her hand holding his limp one and back to the face of Andrew. Voice trembling, the Irish angel spoke out what was on her heart and in her mind. If what the doctor had said was true…this was her chance, although it would be painful…
"Hello, Andrew," Monica finally whispered softly, her eyes still on her friend’s still face,
"It’s Monica. Your doctor told Tess and I that – you could hear us. I – I’m hoping with all my heart that that’s true, Andrew, because I need to talk to you…"
Feeling the gentle urge from the Father to continue, Monica did as she was told, voice still trembling,
"Andrew…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. If I had just dropped those charges when I had the chance, you wouldn’t be in this hospital right now. I know that it’s also my fault about Andrea…everything is…Andrew, please…please wake up…I – I want so much to work everything out, but – I don’t know if you do, too; please, Andy…if you wake up, I promise you’ll never have to talk to me ever again if you don’t want to. But just knowing that you’re awake and well again will be good enough…"
Her voice cracking as she spoke her heart out to her best friend, Monica knew there was one final thing she had to say to him before she really broke down in sobbing,
"Andrew…please wake up. I love you. I love you…"
Tears pouring down her cheeks, the angel gently released Andrew’s limp hand, her heart breaking that he wasn’t responding with even the slightest movement, and stood up from the chair. Leaving the blanket that had been wrapped around her shoulders behind on her chair, Monica raced for the door.
Stumbling out into the hallway, the sobbing angel didn’t even notice Erin standing right outside Andrew’s door. Her arms were folded across her chest as she called after Monica’s retreating figure,
"So, he’s not responding to that plea, huh, Monica?"
Recognizing that voice from anywhere, the human angel stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around. Watching as Erin glared at her furiously and walked closer to her, Monica kept her mouth shut as she once again allowed the angry woman to attack her verbally.
"I heard you talking to him, Monica," Erin hissed, blue eyes flashing sparks,
"You really think he’ll wake up because YOU asked him to??"
Laughing harshly, Erin pierced the angel again with a look full of utter hatred,
"Yeah, right, like he will! He wouldn’t be in there if it wasn’t for you – "
"You think I don’t know that, Erin?" Monica brokenly cried, tears streaming down her pale face,
"I do! That’s why – "
"Oh, here she goes again: Excuses, excuses…You don’t get it, do you, Monica?!" Erin yelled, her voice ringing out in the hospital corridor,
"You can beg and plead as much as you want! But it’s because of you won’t wake up! I know Andrew well and after what you put him and all of us through…I’d say it’d be an absolute miracle if he ever forgave you!"
"Excuse me, miss!"
The familiar voice of Dr. Madison caused the angry human to quiet down and turn to face the doctor. His face was the most stern she had ever seen it today and she gulped, for the first time fully realizing she was in a hospital corridor, yelling her head off.
"If you two don’t quiet down in here, I’m going to have to ask you both to leave and neither of you will be able to see Andrew. Is that clear, ladies?" he demanded sternly.
Her lower lip quivering, Monica gave her head a jerky puppet’s nod before backing away from the two human beings. Not recognizing her voice, she whispered,
"I was just leaving anyhow…"
Both Erin and Dr. Madison watched the fleeing angel disappear around a corner to a nearby set of elevators and all was quiet between the two for a second before the doctor spoke up,
"Well, don’t you want to go after her, miss? Sounds like you two were having – um…some heated discussion here. If you do continue it, however, make sure it’s done outside and not where you’ll disturb the patients – "
"No, actually," Erin interrupted, glaring in the direction Monica had taken off to,
"I think she’s finally got the point. Let her go; I for one know that she doesn’t belong here…"
Turning away from Andrew’s doctor and walking in the other direction, Erin wasn’t watching where she was going this time and nearly collided with another figure. Looking up harshly, the human nearly felt her heart leap into her throat as she came face to face with Tess, who looked anything but happy.
*********************************************************************************************
Chapter 7
"Why don’t you watch where you’re going, Erin and then you wouldn’t run into people." Tess spoke slowly and deliberately as she quoted Erin’s words to Monica earlier that evening,
"It’s amazing how you don’t always pay attention to what is around you when you are upset about something, isn’t it, Erin?"
Erin swallowed hard, having a feeling she was in for a real lecture this time,
"I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention…"
"No, you weren’t and you haven’t been paying attention to a lot of things today from what I can see, its either that or its just the fact that you don’t care and I’d hate to believe that of you, Erin. You always struck me as a very caring person, so the way you have treated Monica today must be a misunderstanding." Tess crossed her arms in front of her as she gazed sternly at the young human.
"That’s where you’re wrong, Tess. It was no misunderstanding! I have no use for her after all she’s done-." Erin snapped back angrily.
Taking Erin’s arm, Tess steered her towards the lounge, so the two could talk without disturbing Andrew. Once there, she indicated for Erin to sit down and the expression on the angel’s face said that she needed to listen as well.
"Erin, I think it’s time you came to face a few truths. I thought perhaps you had faced them before, but after today I know better. Today, I have watched you lay blame on that sweet angel who holds enough blame on herself to hold her over for most of eternity, but only one angel can release her from that and that concussion he has is making that impossible right now. Now, I realize that you have had a lot of pain since Andrea took her life, but baby, that is what you need to remember-it was Andrea who took her life, not Monica." Tess watched as Erin opened her mouth to argue, but Tess silenced her by continuing,
"Erin, that baby got her hands on those pills when no one was around-the only time no one was around, which was at night. What do you think? That had Monica not left that room that day, that Andrea would never have taken those pills? She planned on taking them that night, baby, but she just got the chance a little bit sooner. Now, I know you have suffered over her death, and so has Andrew, but let me fill you in on a little something, Erin. That angel you just chased away lost a friend that day too; she lost two friends actually. Monica has grieved for that loss, just as you have and due to a few words spoken in anger by her best friend, she has taken the blame for Andrea’s death."
Erin lowered her head, wondering if what Tess was saying were true. She was an angel after all and one that she trusted. But to face the fact that Andrea had been the one to do this was almost more than she could bear. It was easier to blame Monica, but was that fair?
"If only she hadn’t left her, Tess. Maybe something would have happened that day to make Andrea change her mind about killing herself…"
"Erin, you can ‘what if’ this until the end of time, but it will not change what happened. The past is over and done with, but the future is wide open, baby. Anger and hatred doesn’t become you, Erin and that is what you have hurled at Monica today. You knew she was hurting, but still you attacked her over and over again. She has four years of pent up guilt inside of her and four years of feeling that she had lost her best friend. The other thing you need to realize is that what occurred between Andrew and Monica is between the two of them. They need time to work things out and you cannot interfere with that. Erin, it is not your place."
Erin nodded her head, her eyes swimming with tears as they gazed up at Tess,
"Andrea did do this, didn’t she?"
"Yes, baby, she did. She had free will and she used it. For whatever reason, that baby didn’t feel that she could face life after what had happened to her. It’s a truth that is painful, but it is the truth." Tess sat down next to the young woman and wrapped her arm around her shoulders,
"And angrily blaming someone else is not going to bring her back. It is only adding more hurt to an already painful situation, the same way blaming Monica for Andrew’s accident doesn’t change what happened tonight. He went out looking for her because deep down, he loves her, just as he always has."
"I’m the one who made her leave," Erin uttered, tears now coursing down her cheeks,
"If I hadn’t done that…"
"No blame, baby," Tess soothed, drawing the human close to her,
"Everything happens for a reason, we just don’t always know the plan."
"I just miss my daughter, Tess…maybe I thought that protecting Andrew would make up for the fact that I failed to protect her. Oh Tess, I miss her so much!"
Tess sighed softly as she held the sobbing woman close to her. She only hoped that somewhere, the Father was holding Monica just as close.
***
Monica opened the back door of Erin’s house, knowing that Erin usually kept it unlocked, as she tried to stop the tears that refused to end. She was exhausted from four years of pain and today was almost more than she could bear. Not knowing where else to go, she had come here, even though she was afraid of Erin returning and what would happen if she did.
Walking into the living room, the hurting angel sat down on the edge of the sofa, clasping her trembling hands together tightly as she bowed her head and closed her eyes, her voice trembling just as much as she began to pray.
"Oh Father, I know I haven’t talked to You lately, but please hear me now. Andrew needs Your healing hand placed upon him. I know it’s my fault he’s in the hospital, Father, but You have the power to make him well. I’ve made so many mistakes, but please, help Andrew. I love him so very much and I want him to be happy, which is why as soon as I know he’s all right, I’ll leave his existence for good. Please, Father, help him as only You can."
Her prayer finished, the angel lowered her face into her hands and wept, never knowing that Erin stood around the corner, tears in her own eyes, having heard every word.
Chapter 8
Just as Monica’s prayer ended and Erin was about to step forward and show herself to the weeping angel, the telephone started ringing, breaking the silence in the large house. Startled, Monica reached for the phone beside her, not aware that she wasn’t alone in the house.
"Hello?" Her voice cracked as she lifted the receiver to her ear, her hand shaking.
"Angel Girl, it’s Tess," The voice of her friend sounded awfully excited about something Monica didn’t understand and she listened as Tess continued in a hurry,
"I was hoping this was where you’d be because you need to get back to the hospital right now, Baby!"
"For what?" Monica whispered dejectedly, lowering her tear-filled eyes to her lap, knowing she wasn’t needed there anymore…
"Baby, Andrew’s awake!" Tess chirped into Monica’s ear, causing the Irish angel to straighten up in surprise,
"He’s awake, Monica! I’m here with him right now while Dr. Madison is checking him over and he's asking for you!"
"Andrew’s awake??" Monica choked out, letting out a sob of relief as he covered her mouth with her hand and closed her brown eyes,
"He’s awake…"
"Yes, Monica!" Tess responded excitedly as Monica heard a voice in the background, although it was quiet,
"As I said, he’s asking for you – "
"I can’t come, Tess," Monica interrupted tearfully, knowing deep in her broken heart that this was the right thing to do,
"I was praying that he’d awaken, but I can’t see him. Give Andrew all my love for me, Tess, and be sure to tell him how sorry I am and that I’ll stay out of his life."
Before Tess could respond to Monica’s sudden words, the youngest angel had hung up the phone with a click. Still not noticing Erin was watching her, Monica rose shakily to her feet and headed towards the front hallway closet to grab her jacket.
Not being able to take it anymore, and knowing she had to say something to stop her, Erin stepped forward and piped up, her own voice laced with pain,
"Monica, don’t go!"
Startled by the sound of her voice, which held no anger now, but just sadness and pain, Monica froze as she started to open the closet door and faced the young woman who had tears running down her cheeks. Not allowing Erin to know she was startled, the Irish angel spoke,
"I have to, Erin. You were right. I don’t belong here and I don’t deserve Andrew’s forgiveness if he ever gave it to me. He’ll be so much better off without me in his life and he won’t be hurt because of me anymore. I have to leave, Erin." Opening the closet door and quickly grabbing the jacket that had been hanging up in there since that morning, Monica shrugged into it and headed for the front door.
"Monica, please!" Erin called after her, following the angel,
"Please, I’m so very sorry…don’t do this…"
Opening up the front door and turning back to face the human a final time, Monica softly replied,
"I’m the one who’s sorry, Erin. You have nothing to apologize for."
Turning around and walking out onto the porch, shutting the door behind her with a click, the torn up, Irish angel walked away from the large house and into the night.
*****
Shrugging her hood off as he entered the police station, Monica’s heart leapt into her throat as she saw a few prisoners in handcuffs being dragged through double doors by two bulky police officers.
The thought that Andrew had possibly been treated just like that sent a dagger through Monica’s heart. Her best friend was no criminal and she had to prove that right now…
Folding her arms across her chest, still shivering from the coldness of the weather outside, Monica walked over to a nearby counter where a young female sat at, going through many folders at lightening speed.
"Excuse me, ma’am?" Monica hesitantly questioned as she approached, laying a cold hand on top of the counter.
"What may I do for you?" the woman asked without looking up, still riffling through her papers.
"I’m, uh – I need to speak with someone on going about on how to drop charges…" Monica stuttered, not exactly sure how to phrase this, since she had never been in this position before.
"Hang on a minute, ma’am," the woman replied, standing to her feet and walking towards a back room. The woman knocked on the door and Monica watched as she poked her head in and said something to another person behind the door.
A few moments later, the young woman and a tall, thin officer with short, brown hair approached the counter where Monica waited, shifting from foot to foot.
"Hello, ma’am. I’m Officer Robert Kelley. What may I do for you?" he questioned, his blue eyes friendly.
"Yes, I’m here to – uh…to drop charges against someone…"
"Okay, miss," Officer Kelley replied, turning to a computer at the desk and typing in a few words. As he came upon where he needed to be, he glanced back at Monica,
"Suspect’s name, please?"
"His name is Andrew," Monica whispered, tears filling her tired, brown eyes all over again.
At the name the angel had given him, Officer Kelley turned shocked eyes back towards Monica, as if he knew what was coming up,
"Andrew? And you’re Monica? Correct, ma’am? This case has been going on for four years at least, Rachelle…"
Turning to the woman standing off to his side and back to the angel, the cop’s eyes turned worried as he leaned forward to face Monica, noticing her tears,
"Ma’am, are you sure about this? From the records we have…"
"The records are all a misunderstanding, Officer," Monica choked out, running her hand over her eyes and wiping away as many tears as she could,
"I’d like to drop all those charges ever held against Andrew."
"Did he threaten you into this, Monica?" Robert asked curiously, frowning.
"No, he would never do that, Officer. Just please take my word for it: I’d like every charge dropped against him. As a matter of fact, Andrew is my best friend and I love him dearly," the Irish angel spoke through her tears as more flooded her eyes against her will,
"Things have been screwed up lately and I’m leaving for somewhere very soon and I had to do this before I left…"
Looking into her eyes, and somehow seeing the truth shining in them, the officer gave a soft sigh before turning back to the small computer before him and did as she requested.
*****
Almost three hours later, very early in the morning, Monica found herself back to a place where she never thought she’d set foot in again. By the Love of the Father, a bag of luggage sat at the angel’s feet as she took in every familiar detail of the log cabin she, Andrew and Tess had stayed at five years ago when Andrew had gone through a very difficult time.
Tears shining in her eyes, Monica grabbed the handle of the bag, looked up at the cabin and the mountains looming before her, and stepped towards the cabin. As she reached the front wooden door, the human angel grasped the doorknob and watched it open easily. Stepping quietly inside and shutting the door behind her, Monica took in every familiar surrounding.
The fire was burning in the fireplace in the living room off to the side. The stool on which she had sat upon while she and Tess had relived past memories to Andrew was still sitting where had been all those years ago: In front of the gray recliner where Andrew had sat the whole time… Even the fresh smell of brewing coffee caught Monica’s senses and she fought back another flood of tears.
I know I need to be here, but why must it be so difficult? Monica questioned to herself as she took small steps to the staircase. Laying her hand upon the wooden railing and the other dropping the luggage at the foot of it, the angel slowly raised her eyes to the staircase and climbed up the stairs, knowing that she had to go to this room.
She had to go to Andrew’s old bedroom, no matter how painful it would be for her.
*****
Silently opening the door to her best friend’s old bedroom when they had stayed there those few weeks, Monica took in the familiar room through blurred vision. Closing the wooden door behind her, the angel gazed around the room until her gaze came to rest upon the shattered mirror on the desk beside the door.
Tears sprang to her already swollen eyes as she remembered how Andrew had explained to her and Tess that in a fit of anger, he had grabbed a cup of water and threw it at the mirror, shattering it and his hand, by which the Father had healed when He came to talk to His angel about the choices the was thinking of making…
Noticing that the pieces of glass were still scattered on the carpet and the desk, the Irish angel turned from the broken mirror and sat down upon Andrew’s made bed. Running her hand upon the pillow, more memories flashed through her mind of the last time she had sat on the side of his bed like this:
When they were reunited after 10 long years.
She remembered the joy of seeing her flashing in his green eyes and although he was hurting deeply, he had grabbed her tightly in his arms, as if never wanting to let her go again…
I just want to hold him right now, Father, Monica silently cried as she took the pillow she was running her hand upon and grabbed it tightly in her arms, as if it was her best friend, Andrew,
Oh, Father, I want to hold him so badly, but I can’t…I just can’t…
Chapter 9
Several days later, Andrew, Erin and Tess walked back into Erin’s home after Andrew had been released from the hospital. The ride home had been a quiet one, but yet, Andrew had been relatively silent since he had awoken earlier in the week, as if he had been deep in thought.
Erin regarded him quietly as she shrugged off her jacket and laid in on the chair in the living room. She could see the questions in her friend’s green eyes and she knew she needed to answer some of them.
"Andrew?" She began tentatively, unsure of where she stood with him right now after their last real conversation, which he had made no reference of in the hospital. But when he turned to her, his expression was hopeful, and held no traces of the anger that had been present the night she had asked Monica to leave.
Sitting down beside of his human friend, Andrew looked into her eyes,
"I need to know what happened, Erin."
She nodded her head and sighed softly,
"I know you do, but I’m afraid most of it is pretty ugly, at least on my part," Exchanging a look with Tess and seeing the angel nod her head approvingly, Erin began to explain about all that had happened while he had been unconscious in the hospital. Tears of regret filled her eyes as she told him about her blaming Monica for him being in that accident and she watched as Andrew closed his eyes, almost as if he could feel his best friend’s pain as those words were said to her.
"I came back to the house, hoping to find her after Tess had set me straight, and I did find her. She was praying, Andrew, for you to wake up. She told God that she would never trouble you again, but to please just let you wake up. As soon as she’d finished, the phone rang and it was Tess, telling her you were awake. I tried to get her to stay, but she wouldn’t do it, Andrew. She said that I was right, that you would never forgive her for all she had done and that you would be better off without her."
"Oh Monica," Andrew breathed softly as tears filled his eyes,
"I did this, Tess," He said, his eyes filled with regret and pain as he looked over at his friend,
"I realized the truth when she came up to my room that day. I laid the blame on her the day Andrea died."
Tess nodded her head, her own eyes filled with sorrow,
"And that baby laid it upon herself for the last four years, and now I hardly recognize her anymore, Angel Boy. That guilt along with what happened between the two of you is destroying her, though I think most of the damage has been done the last year, as she spent it alone."
"Alone?" Andrew asked, looking at his friend worriedly.
"She took an indefinite leave of absence, baby. She hasn’t worked in over a year now, but spent it trying to find some peace that she just cannot find. She could have found it, had she just asked the Father for it, but she hasn’t done that either. She feels this is her burden to carry alone and there is only one angel who can change her mind on this before it destroys her completely, and that is the angel who placed the blame to begin with." Tess’ eyes met with Andrew’s steadily, watching as he nodded his head. She could see the pain in his face for all that his friend had gone through and was going through and her heart ached for them both.
"Oh, and Andrew," Erin piped up softly, sadness evident in her blue eyes,
"The morning after your accident, the police called…the charges have been dropped. I guess Monica went to them before she went away-."
Unable to hear anymore, Andrew was on his feet, his eyes on Tess,
"Tess, do you know where she is? Do you know where Monica went?"
"Yes, baby, I know where she is. I was just waiting for you to ask," Seeing hope in his eyes for the first time in so long, she continued,
"She’s at the cabin, Andrew."
He felt his heart jump into his throat. The cabin. The last place they had all been when things had been right between them,
"I have to go." He turned to Erin, who had stood up and he moved to hug her,
"Thank you for being honest about what happened, my friend. You and I will talk more later, but right now, someone else needs me more. You understand, right?"
"Oh Andrew, of course I do," Erin whispered hugging him back tightly, though being careful as she knew the broken ribs were still giving him some grief,
"And I am so sorry for the part I played in all of this. Please tell her that for me."
Nodding his head, Andrew pulled away and faced Tess, his expression curious as he realized she held something in her hand.
"I don’t think you want to leave without this, baby," She said softly, taking his hand and placing something into it.
As Andrew looked down at what she had given him, tears flooded his eyes once again, for in his palm, rested the locket that Monica had given him 5 years ago, the one he had thrown away at Andrea’s graveside the day of her funeral. Now here it was, chain fixed, looking shiny and new and as he opened it, he saw that the pictures, one of him and one of Monica were intact once again.
Looking up at Tess, he wrapped his arms around her,
"Thank you, Tess. This means more than you know…it means more than I realized the day I threw it away."
"I know that, Angel Boy," She replied warmly, kissing his cheek,
"Now go and take care of our girl. She needs you, baby and I’m afraid you may be running out of time."
***
As darkness settled around the cabin once again, Monica got up from the couch, pushing the afghan to the side. She had been trying to sleep, but sleep had been evading her lately, as her mind was unable to rest long enough for her human body to. Thoughts and horrible nightmares kept the hurting angel from resting and had she looked into a mirror, she probably wouldn’t have recognized herself any longer. There were dark circles under her red-rimmed brown eyes and the paleness of her face only made the lack of sleep more apparent. Her long auburn hair, usually smooth and flowing, now hung limply in tangles, as she hadn’t bothered to take a brush to it. She was dressed uncharacteristically in sweat pants and a heavy flannel shirt. But she was beyond caring at this point.
Standing up, she walked over to the stairs, wanting to go to the one place where she felt a little peace. At the top of the steps, she slowly opened the door to her best friend’s room. Not bothering to turn on a light, the angel lit a candle instead, watching as the flame danced, causing the light to flicker all around the room.
Sitting down on the bed, she flipped on the radio, longing for some kind of distraction from her thoughts, before she crossed her legs on the bed, pulling the pillow into her lap. Her sorrowful eyes gazed out the window, seeing the full moon just outside and she was unable to keep from wondering what Tess and Andrew were doing tonight. She wondered if they were still with Erin or if they had moved on and gone back to work.
"Stop doing this to yourself!" Her mind cried out, as she hugged the pillow tighter to herself, deciding to focus on the music instead and she listened as a new song began, but she was unprepared for the lyrics that spoke to her and tore at her heart.
"Letting go of a hand,
That I’ve grown so accustomed to holding,
Letting go of that hand can be so hard.
Letting go of a hand,
That was there to protect and defend me.
Letting go of that hand can be so hard.
There was bound to come a time,
I had to find my way,
Our time has come
For letting go.
Moving on in my life,
There’s so much about me I’m unsure of.
I must find my own way,
On my own.
You will always be with me.
I will always need your love.
And it’s so hard to let you go.
Even know, though we know,
Now my heart wants to hold on forever.
It’s the hardest thing I know,
But now it’s time, for letting go.
It’s the hardest thing I know,
But now it’s time, for letting go."
By the songs final notes, the angel was reduced once again to tears as she buried her face into the pillow, her broken Irish lilt was thick from her tears as she whispered over and over again,
"I don’t want to let go…"
The broken-hearted angel never noticed the gentle presence that stood in the doorway to the room, his own eyes filled with tears as he listened to the song lyrics and his heart nearly breaking at the anguished sobs that followed it.
Chapter 10
As the song came to a close, the only noise in the room was Monica's soft sobs and a gentle, soothing instrumental song playing on the radio now. Taking a deep breath as he stepped towards his friend, who was still unaware of his presence in the room, Andrew came around to one side of the bed and quietly shut the radio off.
Monica's sobs never dwindled, however, as the bedroom filled with silence. Andrew's heart broke as he eyed the weeping angel, trying to figure it all out in his mind on what to say to her...He knew he had to start somewhere, and making himself known would have to be the first step.
Slowly sitting down on the bed in front of his best friend, taking it easy since he still ached from the accident, Andrew reached his shaky hands out and gently, carefully laid them upon Monica's, which still held the pillow tightly, her face buried into it.
At the feel of his soft hands on hers, Monica slowly lifted her head up, not daring to believe that the touch could be from Andrew. After all, she thought, he could never forgive her after all she had done to him and everyone else...
But as she raised her swollen eyes and looked through blurred vision, she found herself looking into Andrew's tear-streaked face and Monica felt her heart leap into her throat again. Could it really be? Was it really true?? Was he right here now in front of her, or...just her imagination??
Closing her eyes tightly for a brief moment and counting to five in her head, Monica opened them again and nearly burst into a fresh round of tears that Andrew was really, indeed, here...
"Oh, Monica..." Andrew quietly whispered, his voice trembling slightly. The angel opened his mouth to say something else to her, but couldn't find his voice. Shaking his blonde head, he gave a soft sigh and without any words spoken, he hesitantly opened his arms to her, tears stinging his sad, green eyes.
Lower lip quivering violently as she watched her best friend open his arms to her, Monica tried to hold back her sobs, but was barely able to succeed at that. Allowing herself to burst into those loud sobs and let it all out, the Irish angel took the invitation from her friend and tightly wrapped her arms around his neck...for the first time in four very long years.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Andrew wrapped his arms tightly around his friend as her body shuddered with the painful sobs. A lump formed in his throat as silent tears coursed his own face, as he rocked her gently, his hands running over her tangled auburn hair,
"Oh, Angel Girl, how did we ever let this get so bad, huh?" He whispered into her ear.
Crying too hard to answer, Monica shook her head, as she held onto him tighter still, trying to believe that he was really here with her, after everything. She knew she didn’t deserve it, but was grateful just the same.
"Andrew…"She managed to choke out, before burying her face against his chest.
"I’m right here, baby," He replied soothingly, rubbing her back in an effort to comfort her,
"And I’m not going anywhere. We have a lot to talk about and we’re going to work it all out, sweetheart, I promise we are."
"I’m sorry…I’m so…sorry," She whimpered between sobs,
"For everything…for Andrea, for your accident…for having you arrested…Andrew, I’m just so very sorry…"
Andrew closed his eyes for a moment, saying a silent prayer to the Father to help them both, before he gently pulled away to look into her exhausted, pain-filled face,
"Listen to me. I’m the one who is sorry, sweetie. I did this, Monica. I blamed you, but not because it was your fault, honey, but because I was angry," His heart broke, seeing the doubt in her reddened eyes and knowing it was going to take a lot more than that for her to see the truth,
"You don’t realize that yet, but you will. We’re not going anywhere until you do."
"I don’t understand why you’re here," She whispered, tears still flowing freely from her eyes, even as he reached to wipe them away.
Moving to take her face into his hands, Andrew looked into her eyes and whispered softly,
"I’m here because I love you, Angel Girl and because this has gone on long enough. Let that be enough for tonight, okay?"
A fresh wave of tears broke from her as she collapsed against him once again. He winced at the pain in his ribs, but never said a word as he held her tightly once more.
"I love you too, Andrew…I love you too…and I’m sorry…"
He rocked her gently once more, knowing she was too exhausted to accept anything more now other than the fact that he was here and that he loved her. Too much damage had been done for this to be easy, and he knew that. But despite everything, he was filled with relief to finally be here with her.
He held her for a long time until her tears subsided and he realized she had cried herself into an exhausted sleep. Carefully, he moved and laid her down on the bed, resting her head on the pillow, and then he reached for the afghan at the end of the bed and covered her with it.
Moving to sit in the chair beside the bed, he stayed with her, watching over her as she clung to the sleep she desperately needed.
Chapter 11
Monica awoke the next morning with a start, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. Blinking her tired, brown eyes quickly, the angel glanced around the unfamiliar room and then over at the alarm clock, who’s red numbers read: 7:30 AM.
Knowing deep down that she did have a peaceful sleep last night, Monica also knew that something had woken her up...but she didn't know what it was. It wasn't that early, but usually if she was on a vacation, she and Andrew would surely sleep past 7:30...
Andrew.
Her eyes widening even more at the thought of her friend, the Irish angel looked more closely around the dim bedroom and soon recognized where she was: Andrew's temporary bedroom in the log cabin up in the mountains. Not thinking clearly and her memory all jumbled up, Monica pushed the covers back from the comfortable bed and jumped out, her stocking feet hitting the floor. She was still dressed in a heavy flannel shirt and sweat pants from probably the day before, but right now, Monica couldn't really remember. Tangled, auburn hair swinging around her shoulders, she looked around the bedroom frantically, as if expecting Andrew to be there. But he wasn't.
Where WAS he?? Monica thought desperately to herself, her eyes wild. If she was in the cabin, somehow found a cozy spot to sleep at in her best friend's room...Did that mean that she and Tess were still trying to convince Andrew from not turning over his angelic status??
Or had he already done it??
The cabin was eerily quiet right now; the angel could tell even from the room. What other explanation WAS there? She HAD to find her best friend and stop him before it was too late! Her thoughts jumbled up, Monica raced for the bedroom door, quickly opened it and ran downstairs, expecting to find Andrew sitting in the recliner by the fireplace like he had been when all three of them had been reliving past memories. But, much to the human angel's horror and utter confusion, he wasn't there...
"Andrew..." Monica whispered desperately, her heart pounding like a dozen drums and tears now streaming down her face,
"Oh, Andrew...Where ARE you??"
Just as she turned her head to the front door, however, her teary eyes widened as she noticed it slightly open. Hearing something from the front porch, Monica took off like a bullet and ran towards the door, swinging it wide open.
Stepping out onto the front porch, the angel let out a sob of relief as she noticed Andrew gathering fire wood just off to the side. Lifting a trembling hand to her mouth, the angel closed her eyes and tried to take as deep of breathes as possible.
Upon hearing her cry, Andrew turned from where he stood to face the trembling angel and his green eyes filled with concern. Gently laying the small stack of firewood he was about to carry into the cabin back with all the others on the pile, the angel wiped his hands on his jeans and rushed towards his best friend.
"Monica?"
Hearing him call her name and now seeing the look in his eyes, Monica finally found herself back to the present day and not 5 years ago when she was worried sick about her dear friend making the worst decision of his existence. Her teary gaze landing on the heart-shaped necklace fastened around her best friend's neck, Monica fully remembered everything about the last few years and took off running towards Andrew. Not wasting another second, the sobbing angel hurled herself into his arms, never wanting to let him go again. Especially now...especially after she thought that her worst fears had come true.
"Hey, hey, hey," Andrew whispered softly, as he held her and felt her shaking in his arms,
"Sweetheart, what is it? What’s wrong?"
Her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, the frightened angel buried her face against his shirt,
"I woke up and couldn’t find you…I thought for some reason it was that time you were going to give up being an angel and I couldn’t find you, Andrew! I couldn’t find you!"
His face flooded with concern over her words, he pulled away to look into her face,
"I’m sorry. You were still sound asleep, so I wanted to get some more wood for the fire, so we wouldn’t have to worry about it later. I didn’t mean to frighten you, Angel Girl," Watching her nod her head as she searched his eyes, his concern deepened,
"C’mon, lets go inside. It’s freezing out here," Wrapping his arm around her waist for support as she was still trembling, he gently led her back inside, closing the door behind him.
"I made some coffee," He continued as he led her over to the chair by the fire. As she sat down weakly, he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders,
"How ‘bout a cup?" Seeing her nod her head once more, even as tears still glistened in her eyes, he smiled at her,
"I’ll be right back."
Andrew’s heart pounded loudly in his chest as fixed them each a mug of hot coffee. He knew he could no longer put off the conversation they needed to have, even though it would be painful for both of them, but she was hurting so badly and so deeply, that he had to find a way to reach her with the truth. Drawing in a deep breath, he picked up the two mugs and carried them back out to the living room, his eyes watching her as she gazed at the fire, every now and then reaching up to swipe at a tear.
Setting the mugs down on the table beside of her, Andrew sat down on the stool in front of her and tried to meet her eyes,
"What are you thinking about, Monica?" He asked softly, wanting more than anything to know the best way to help her.
"That I don’t understand why you’re here," She whispered, finally gazing into the loving green eyes.
"How do you mean, sweetie?" He persisted gently, reaching for her hands and feeling her grasp his tightly.
"I mean, after everything I’ve done to you...and to Andrea and Erin…I don’t deserve for you to be here, Andrew. After everything, you should never want to see me again, but yet, here you are and it doesn’t make sense…" Her voice trembled as another tear made a shiny path down her pale face.
"I want you to listen to me, okay? I think it’s time we started talking all of this out and I think you’re going to realize that you are wrong about a lot of things, sweetie. How about we start with Andrea?" His eyes flashed with pain at the thought of Erin’s daughter and he saw his own pain reflected in Monica’s face at the mention of the teenager.
"I never meant for her to die, Andrew…" She whispered brokenly.
"Before that, Monica. We need to start before that; with the way I treated you about your relationship with her, because that is really how all of this started. I was so upset that Andrea wouldn’t forgive me or accept me because she had lost her leg, that I took it out on you when you and she started getting close. I know I did what I was supposed to do that day of her accident, but I still wished I could have done more," His eyes were filled with tears as he continued to speak gently to her,
"I was jealous, Monica, of the fact that she allowed you to get close to her. She was my friend’s daughter and I could get nowhere near her, but that was never your fault, though I took it out on you. I’m sorry for that, my dear friend."
"I knew that at the time, Andrew…I knew you were acting that way because you were hurt." She replied softly,
"I mean, it hurt me, but I understood and I figured eventually it would all be okay and Andrea would accept you. I was trying so hard to get her to do that, but before that could happen, she died and that was my fault!"
"How can you say that, Monica and really believe it?" Andrew asked, bewildered as he leaned in closer to her. She had begun to tremble once more and he squeezed her hands tightly,
"You didn’t kill her, Angel Girl. She planned to do that all on her own. Those pills were already in her nightstand and she was just waiting for the opportunity to take them. All you did was to go and get her a drink. How could you have known?"
"She was asking me about heaven, Andrew!" She burst out, tears now flowing freely once more,
"She was asking me about heaven and I should have known! How could I not have known? It’s my fault she took those pills and it’s my fault she died! You said so then, and you were right and Erin still knows it, and nothing, Andrew, nothing can change it!" Overwhelmed, the angel bolted from her chair, the sobs escaping her and raced up the stairs.
Chapter 12
Turning to gaze down at his hands as he heard Monica shut the door to his old room, Andrew let out deep sigh and closed his sad, green eyes tightly. The angel ran a hand through his blonde locks, took a deep breath and let it out, and then stood to his feet.
Wishing his best friend hadn't run up the stairs and away from him like she had, Andrew also knew deep down in his fragile heart that maybe she needed some space for a minute or to just think through his words...
But right now, I need to take a short walk, Andrew thought helplessly to himself, sighing as he headed towards the closet door to grab his leather jacket, I need some fresh air and Monica won't go anywhere...I just need to talk to You, Father, one on one...I'm just so confused right now...and I know You know that.
Shrugging his jacket on, the blonde angel headed out the front cabin door and towards the woods. Making sure that he didn't head too far away from the cabin where his best friend was, Andrew looked towards the sky and began to talk to the Father, hoping for some guidance from the One above for the healing of the gentle, Irish angel he loved so much...
Fifteen minutes later, Monica got up from the bed, her entire body aching from the sobs that had flowed through it the past 24 hours. She felt badly for running out on Andrew, whom she knew was only trying to help her, but in her mind, she felt she was beyond help.
As she walked downstairs, she realized that her friend must have gone out for a bit and she decided to try to find him. Slipping on a pair of boots she had by the door, the angel slipped outside, not bothering with a coat, though the morning air was cold in the mountains, but somehow, the cold helped her feel more than just the sorrow that consumed her and she welcomed it.
She walked into the woods, her swollen eyes searching for Andrew, but not seeing him and she began to feel worried. Oh, she knew in her heart he wouldn’t leave her-that much she did know, but where had he gone? As she started deeper into the woods, she heard an odd clicking sound and decided to follow it.
As she reached a small clearing, her eyes came to rest on a frozen lake, and her heart leaped into her throat at what she saw. In the middle of the lake was a young fawn, desperately trying to get her footing on the ice and failing miserably. Every time she tried to stand, her young legs slid on the ice and she landed sprawled and trembling. As Monica looked, she realized the doe, that must be the wee ones mother was nervously pacing on the far shore, venturing no more than a step onto the ice before retreating once again, her large brown eyes filled with worry for her child.
Knowing she had to help, the angel hesitantly put one foot out on the ice and finding it seemingly secure, she slowly and carefully made her way out to the fawn, all the while talking soothingly to the frightened animal. Glancing up, Monica realized that the doe had stopped pacing and stood quietly as though praying that this human stranger would help her baby.
As Monica neared the fawn, she heard a loud crack beneath her as the ice began to break up under her weight. With a frightened cry, the angel furiously gave the fawn a shove, sending her reeling across the ice and to her mother, before the ice beneath the angel gave way completely and she was submerged in the freezing water.
Fighting her way back to the surface and trying to catch her breath that the cold water had taken from her, Monica cried out again. The weight of the boots and the sweatshirt she wore dragged her under once more and again she was fighting her way to the surface.
Not far away, Andrew had heard the cry and began to run in the direction it had come from. His heart pounding loudly in his chest, he cried out her name as he approached the clearing, horror filling his eyes at the sight before him.
"Monica!!"
Andrew started out onto the ice, but stopped himself, knowing it could easily cave beneath him as he got closer to her. Desperately, his eyes searched and finally came to rest on a thick branch that had been broken from one of the trees. Grabbing it, he carefully made his way out onto the ice as far as he dared until he was able to get close enough to where she could reach the branch, but as he lowered it to her, she left the surface once more.
Fighting her way back once more, her strength almost gone, the terrified angel tried to pull herself up by the ice, but it continued to break beneath her.
"Monica! The branch! Grab hold, sweetheart!" Andrew called to her, his voice laced with the fear he felt.
Hearing his words, Monica’s nearly frozen hands found the branch and she grabbed it, holding onto to it for dear life as Andrew carefully began to back up, the ice breaking beneath his friend as he continued to drag her closer to the more solid part of the lake.
Just as he got her close enough, she appeared to lose her grip on the branch as she once again vanished from his sight. Throwing himself down onto the ice on his stomach, he inched out to where she was and plunged his hands into the freezing water, quickly finding her and pulling her to the surface. Realizing she had lost consciousness, he was able to pull her out and carry her soaking, cold form to safety as he knelt down beside of her.
"Monica? Come on, baby, wake up," He pleaded as he touched her deathly white face. Feeling for a pulse, he cried out when he didn’t find one,
"Monica! No!" His entire body shaking with fear, the angel prayed desperately as he furiously began to administer CPR to his best friend, who lay lifeless beneath him.
Chapter 13
"C’mon, Angel Girl, c’mon," Andrew whispered, as he stopped to catch his breath,
"Come back to me, baby, please."
A second later, Monica began to cough and Andrew quickly turned her head so she could cough up the water that had invaded her lungs. Tears escaping his green eyes, he brushed the wet hair from her face as she struggled to catch her breath. He noticed she had begun to shiver violently and that her lips were nearly blue with the cold, and without another word, he scooped her up into his arms and quickly carried her the short distance back to the cabin.
"I’m…so…cold…" She uttered as Andrew started up the stairs with her still in his arms, ignoring the ache in his still healing ribs.
"I know, sweetie. You need a hot shower and then you’ll feel better," He replied gently, his heart still racing from what had just happened. At the top of the stairs, he carefully put her down, watching as she crossed her arms in front of her, her teeth chattering with the cold,
"Hang on just a second, Angel Girl," He saw her nod and he vanished into the bathroom to turn on the shower, before he searched through her suitcase for a pair of warm pajamas and a robe. Handing these to her, he gently steered her towards the shower,
"I’ll be downstairs if you need me, okay?"
"Thank you," Monica whispered, before she vanished into the bathroom and Andrew shut the door behind her.
Going downstairs, he made a fresh pot of coffee and found some soup in the cupboard as well. Once it was heating on the stove, he finally stopped and gripped the end of the counter tightly. How could he have been so stupid as to leave her alone like that? He had known she wasn’t thinking straight and still he had walked off, even if not for long. It had been long enough for his best friend to nearly drown or freeze. He was supposed to be taking care of her and helping her and instead…
He shook his head, unable to bear the thought of what could have happened and hurried to grab some wood from the front porch to build up the fire. A few minutes later, he heard a creak on the stairs and turned to see Monica slowly ascending. She still looked so pale to him and rather shaken up, but she did look a bit warmer, and her still dampened hair had been brushed out and now fanned out across her shoulders.
Crossing over to her, he pulled her into a warm hug, holding onto her tightly,
"You okay?"
Monica clung to her friend weakly as she laid her head against his shoulder. Although the nice, hot shower felt good for her body, the angel still felt a wee bit chilly from her experience not that very long ago and she felt herself tremble slightly as she only continued to cling tighter to her friend. She knew that something had to be wrong with her…could she be sick right now? It wouldn’t have surprised her, but Monica always felt afraid whenever she caught a human illness…
"Monica?"
Andrew’s concerned voice broke into the human angel’s thoughts and she felt her best friend pull gently away from her to look into her exhausted eyes,
"Sweetie, what’s wrong?"
Feeling her voice slightly trembling and her body growing weak, Monica spoke up as loud as she could under the circumstances,
"Andrew…Andrew…I – I don’t feel good. I – I feel so sick…"
Seeing the look on the angel’s face and watching as it turned deathly pale in front of his very eyes, Andrew’s own green eyes widened and he quickly wrapped a supportive arm around her waist and ushered her farther into the living room. Setting her gently down on the couch and lifting her feet up until they were on the cushions, too, Andrew knelt down beside his dear friend and felt her forehead. To his horror, Monica’s forehead was burning up and her face was only turning even paler as the seconds ticked by. She looked terrible!
"Monica, what hurts?" he gently asked, taking his hand away from her forehead and grasping her cold hand in his,
"Please, Angel Girl…please tell me."
"I – I’m so cold, Andrew…My head hurts so much…" In the midst of her sentence, Monica let out a loud cough that nearly shook her whole human body,
"I – I feel so awful…my – my chest hurts…"
Concern etched on his face, Andrew tightened his hold on Monica’s hand as with the other one, felt her entire face and nearly gasped at how hot it was. Not only was her forehead burning up, but so was her entire being. She said that she was cold, yet she was burning up…what was wrong with his friend?? Sure, he knew that after Monica’s experience not that long ago, she wouldn’t be feeling all that well, but this was different…
"Hang on for a minute, Monica," Andrew gently urged, rising to his feet and releasing the other angel’s trembling hand,
"I’ll be right back with something for you to drink. I don’t know why you’re feeling this way, but…"
His voice trailing off, Andrew rubbed his friend’s shoulder lovingly and repeated,
"I’ll be right back, honey…"
Hurrying to the kitchen and opening the cupboard door, the angel grabbed a tall glass and shut the door tightly. Putting the glass underneath the water tap of the sink, Andrew turned it on and filled the glass up to the top. Feeling his hand slightly trembling, the angel rested the glass down on the counter so he wouldn’t drop it and wearily rested his head in his hands, which lay on the counter, too. Feeling tears welling up in his eyes at what was happening to his dear friend, Andrew shook his blonde head, not believing that something like this could happen so suddenly to an angel.
But it did…and just because he had left her alone for only a minute.
Chapter 14
The next day early in the afternoon, Andrew sat silently on the living room couch in front of the fire, his mind deep in thought and his emotions going somewhat hay wire right now. Monica was sound asleep upstairs in his old bedroom right now and every time Andrew had gone to check on his best friend, he found that her fever was getting worse as time went by…much to the angel’s concern…
Oh, God, what have I done to her?? Andrew silently berated himself as he kept his green eyes riveted on the orange flames in the fireplace before him, Why did I have to leave her by herself yesterday…How stupid can an angel get, Father??
Resting his head back against the couch cushions, feeling tears well up in his eyes and his ribs starting to ache once again, the Search and Rescue angel let out a deep, long sigh. Staring at the ceiling, he continued to reminisce how Monica’s condition was worsening and how he feared that she had caught pneumonia from her terrifying experience the day before. Of course, he could be wrong about that, but…what if he was right? There were no doctors and no hospital up here in the mountains out in the middle of nowhere…He was the only one who could help her.
That is, he thought dejectedly, if I don’t end up making her feel worse than she already does since I started blaming her 4 years ago…
Before the angel could continue with his thoughts of guilt, however, a piercing scream sounded from upstairs and traveling down to the living room, catching Andrew’s attention immediately. Jumping to his feet and racing up the stairs to the sound of Monica’s loud scream, Andrew flew through the bedroom door and ran towards his best friend’s side.
The Irish angel had stopped screaming and was now tossing and turning in the bed, her face a mask of both fear and pain. The words that were coming from her mouth were jumbled, but Andrew was able to hear them clearly,
"Andrew…Andrew, where are you? No…No, Andrea, don’t do this…please…Andrew, help me…"
Reaching out and gently shaking her shoulders in attempts to wake the angel out of her troubled sleep, Andrew sat down in the chair beside the bed and continued shaking his friend’s shoulder,
"Monica? Monica, wake up, sweetheart. You’re having a bad dream, Angel Girl. Monica? Sweetie, it’s okay…"
Not receiving any responses from his troubled friend, Andrew felt more tears fill his eyes and spill down his cheeks as he only continued to try to shake Monica awake,
"Monica? Sweetheart, please…please, baby…"
But, Monica only continued to mumble softly in her sleep, silent tears now springing to her eyes,
"Andrew…Andrew, please…where are you? Help me…"
The sight of her tears now more than he could take, and knowing that there was no way he could wake her up now, Andrew removed his hands off his friend’s shoulders and laid his arms on the bed Monica lay in. Lowering his head into them, the angel let out the soft sobs he tried to hold in, his heart breaking over what he had unintentionally done to the gentle angel who continued to cry out his and Andrea’s name in her sleep.
*****
Over the next two days, Monica continued to get the sleep she so needed, although most of the time, she ended up waking up from a nightmare and crying out for Andrew. The older angel, though he had been trying his hardest to help his best friend, knew that he wasn’t helping much.
Which only made him feel worse than he did.
Whenever Monica had woken up, Andrew was by her side and trying to comfort her the best way he knew how and only continued to give her plenty of fluids for whatever illness she had. The high fever Monica had caught never went down, no matter how much the other angel had tried for it do just that, and the hot and cold flashes only added to his worry.
Right before midnight that dark night, Andrew walked slowly into his dear friend’s room and took the seat beside her, gently taking her hand in his own and rubbed her fingers, sadly looking over her sleeping form,
"Sweetheart, I’m so terribly sorry. For all of this, Monica…If I only hadn’t deserted you when I know you had needed me the most…you wouldn’t have had to search for me and because of that – you ended up falling into the ice. And now…here we are now, Monica. Oh, sweet Angel Girl…I just hope you can forgive me for this; it was never my intention for this to happen to you. I love you, sweetie, and I guess all I can do right now is pray that you’ll have your good health back soon and will be okay, Monica. Honey, you’re my best friend and I realize it probably will be awhile for you to forgive me for my actions, but I just hope you can. Know how much I love you because I do…"
Hot tears now spilling down his cheeks, the human angel gave Monica’s hand a final squeeze before rising from his chair and exiting the room.
Little did he know, however, that as Monica had been slipping in and out of consciousness during the time Andrew was in her temporary room, the angel was able to catch most of the words her friend was saying. As she heard the door close part-way and Andrew’s footsteps heading back to the other room or downstairs, Monica weakly opened her sorrowful and tired, brown eyes, her heart starting to break at the realization of what her best friend was thinking and feeling.
Chapter 15
Early the following morning, Andrew came quietly in the bedroom to check on his friend. He hadn’t slept well for worrying about her and his face showed the strain of his concern. Sitting down beside of her, he laid his hand across her forehead, drawing in a sharp breath as he did so. Her fever had broken!
Relief filled his heart as he gazed down at the young angel who seemed to be sleeping peacefully for the first time in several days and closing his eyes, he offered up a silent prayer of thanks to the Father. Before he could open his eyes once more, he felt a feather-light touch to his hand and he saw that Monica had woken up.
"Hi," She said softly, her voice hoarse and raspy from the cough she still had.
Andrew smiled, taking her hand into his, his other hand moving to stroke the hair away from her face,
"Hi yourself. How are you feeling?"
"Well, not ready to run a marathon or anything like that, but better," She replied, managing a small smile for him.
"Next time, I’d prefer it if you’d wait for me if you want to go skating," He teased her gently, his thumb stroking her temple softly.
She tried to laugh, but ended up coughing instead, squeezing his hand tightly until the spell was over,
"It was a fawn, Andrew…stuck out on the ice, though I should have taken my cue from the mother that it wasn’t safe out there."
Andrew was quiet for a moment as he nodded his head, now at least understanding what had led her out to the ice in the first place. She never could resist any animal or human for that matter that was in trouble, but he knew he had something he had to say to her, and he felt tears sting at his eyes as he began,
"Monica, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I never should have wandered off like I did…"
"Andrew, no," She interrupted him, remembering the words she had heard him say to her last night when he thought she had been asleep,
"This was not your fault. You had no way to know that this would happen. You weren’t gone that long, and there was no way you could have known."
Andrew opened his mouth to argue, but before he could, he heard the gentle words floating down to his heart from Above, and his eyes widened, finally understanding. Everything that had happened since they had been here together was supposed to have happened. It was the only way to make her understand.
"Kind of like you and Andrea, huh?" He said softly, watching as tears instantly sprang to her eyes,
"I want you to listen to me for a minute, okay?" Seeing her weakly nod her head, he continued,
"It’s the same thing, sweetheart. You left that room for a minute and you had no way to know what was going to happen. Just like had I been with you the other day, you still would have insisted on helping that fawn. Had you not left her room, Andrea still would have taken those pills that night, because she was determined to do it. It was not your fault, baby, it was never your fault."
"But Andrew, she was asking me about-."
"Heaven?" He finished for her, watching as a tear slid from her eye and down to her pillow,
"You’re an angel, Monica. How many other humans have asked you that question with never having the intention of committing suicide, huh? I’m guessing that there have been hundreds over the years, am I right?’
"Yes," She whispered, a small sob escaping her, as she searched his eyes as though looking to make sure what he was saying was true,
"It…it wasn’t my fault, Andrew?"
He took her hand into both of his and kissed it gently as he gazed into her eyes, finally seeing something more than sorrow and pain in them, for though there were tears, it was the look of trust in him that went straight to his heart,
"No, sweetheart, it never was. Erin knows that now and Monica, I knew it that day, even as I blamed you. I was angry at what Andrea did and I took it out on you and I am so sorry for that. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you more than you were already hurting, but I did. But then, we always hurt the ones we love the most, and I do love you, Angel Girl." Moving his hand to her pale cheek, he continued softly,
"Now, I know you’ve been carrying this around with you for four years, but Monica, it’s time, baby. It’s time to let it go. The Father has been waiting to take this burden from you, but you’ve been holding onto to it so tightly that He can’t. Give it up to him, Monica and let him heal your heart, please?"
Clutching her best friend’s hand tightly, Monica tearfully closed her eyes, offering up a silent prayer for herself and for Andrea and when she opened her eyes once more several minutes later, there was a peace there that had been lacking before. Her teary brown eyes met once again with his green loving ones,
"Thank you, my friend," She whispered shakily,
"Thank you."
Andrew smiled through his own tears, finally catching a small glimpse of her light that had not been present for some time now. He knew that there was still one more important thing they had to discuss, which would perhaps be ever harder than this one had been, but for right now, this was enough. He knew she still had several days of recovery ahead of her, as she was weak from the illness, but in a day or two, she should be well enough to be up to working out the final problems that their friendship had encountered. But regardless of all that, Andrew knew in his heart that they would be fine, that they would be able to work through the pain that they had caused one another.
"Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?"
"No," She replied wearily, though she smiled up at him,
"I’m kind of hungry, but I think I’m too tired to eat. Maybe later?"
"You bet," He replied warmly, moving to once more stroke her hair,
"You rest now, honey. I’m right here if you need me."
"Thank you," She whispered again, her eyelids growing heavy,
"For taking such good care of me, Andrew. I’m so glad you’re here."
"There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now," He replied watching as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, her hand still clutching his. Gently, he pulled the covers more snugly around her and then tenderly leaned over and kissed her forehead, as he whispered,
"Sweet dreams, Angel Girl."
Chapter 16
"Andrew, honestly, I’m feeling better," Monica protested as her friend wrapped a blanket snugly around her as she sat in the chair near the fire. She had finally gotten stir crazy up in the bedroom after another day, and had pleaded for him to let her come downstairs, if just for a while. Though she was still hoarse and coughing, he had finally relented and had helped her downstairs.
"I know you are, Angel Girl, but you’re still coughing so much and you don’t have your strength back yet, so I’m afraid you are just stuck with me taking care of you for a while longer," He replied patiently, knowing her well enough to know that though she felt "better", she still didn’t feel "good", though she was definitely headed in the right direction.
"Better be careful, my friend, I could get used to this treatment," She teased lightly, watching as he sat down on the stool in front of her.
Andrew caught the twinkle in her eyes and smiled, relieved to see her smiling once again after so long,
"Warm enough?"
"Yes, sir," She replied, settling into her role as the good patient. She watched as he fell silent for a moment and wondered what it was he was thinking about, but she knew if she waited long enough, he would tell her.
"Monica," he began after a moment, looking back up to meet her eyes,
"There is still something else we need to talk about." Seeing the curiosity in her brown eyes, he reached for her hand,
"We need to talk about what happened on the porch the day Andrea died."
Monica swallowed hard, and briefly looked away from him,
"I don’t think I want to talk about that, Andrew. I think I’d rather forget any of it happened." Her voice was a sad whisper as she gazed at the flames flickering in the fireplace.
"Believe me, sweetheart, there is nothing I’d like better, but we can’t do that Monica. We have to talk about it to get past it, so it isn’t hanging over our heads for years to come," Still seeing her stubborn expression, he continued,
"You know what blaming yourself for Andrea did to you over the last four years and I don’t want this doing the same thing, to either of us, and even more importantly, I don’t EVER want something like this to happen to us again. You are my best friend, Monica and I jeopardized that on the porch that day in a way so horrible and so cruel, that I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for it."
"Andrew, please…" She pleaded, tears shimmering in her eyes,
"Do we have to talk about this?"
Andrew looked at her closely, trying to determine why it was she was so resistant to this conversation. Was it because of her part in all of it that she was ashamed of? He had a feeling that was part of it, but not all of it. Then as he continued to look into her eyes, he saw the truth. Her love for him was there, but hidden deeply was also the hurt that had been inflicted that day.
He squeezed her hand tightly, laying his other hand on her knee,
"Yes, baby, I’m afraid we do. There are things I need to say and things that you need to hear. I don’t want to do this to hurt you, Angel Girl, but to make things better for us both. We can’t pretend it didn’t happen, not when we both know better."
Monica drew in a trembling breath,
"I know you’re right…it’s just that, I haven’t dealt with this part of it and I’m not sure that I want to, Andrew."
"I know. I didn’t start to deal with it until the day of my accident when I realized the truth, but Monica, it’s time." He looked up at her, finally seeing her sadly nod her head.
Taking a deep breath of his own, Andrew opened his mouth and started as he gave his friend’s hand a gentle squeeze,
"Monica, what happened that day…I’d first like to apologize for my actions. Striking you like I had, baby…I know that was totally and completely uncalled for…At that time, the anger and frustration ran so deep, and…"
Closing his green eyes as he felt tears start to brim in them, Andrew forced himself to continue,
"I know it was so wrong to blame you, and pinning my anger out on you, Monica. I – I don’t know how I could’ve done that to you, but I did, honey…"
"Because of Andrea…and her own anger at you…"
Monica’s sad voice brought the angel’s head up to stare into her eyes and he nodded, squeezing her knee before taking her other hand into his,
"And I took it out on you, because she befriended you so easily and not me. I – I was being a selfish child, Monica; keeping all of my feelings inside, yelling at the ones I loved and then striking out at my very best friend: You, Monica."
Her tears now streaming down her cheeks, Monica returned the hand squeeze of her friend, but not meeting Andrew’s eyes steadily,
"I do love you, Andrew; you know that…but I won’t pretend right now that it hurt. I forgave you a long time ago, my friend, but I just can’t forget it…"
"Neither can I, baby," Andrew choked out, still trying to meet her eyes until she finally gave in,
"I know it may still take a while for us to get all of the way past this, but we can do it, Monica…I know we can."
Swallowing hard, Monica refused to brush the tears off her cheeks, as she knew that now was her time to say what she knew she had to say, although she far from wanted to,
"I know I’m not so innocent in what happened that day, either, Andrew…I don’t know what was wrong with me when – I said what I did to cause you to do that and – "
Choking on a sob, the Irish angel tightened her grip on her best friend’s hands for strength,
"And for arresting you, Andrew. I never wanted to do that…I really didn’t, and although all charges are dropped against you, I know I can never forgive myself either for that. Your life was nearly ruined because of my refusal to make myself known…please, though, I’m asking for your forgiveness in my part in all of it."
"Baby, you should know that you’re forgiven," Andrew whispered, his eyes full of love and tears,
"Oh, Monica, you have to know that although it took a while for me to see the truth, I do forgive you and I will always love you and I promise that I will never do what I did to you four years ago ever again. I promise, honey…"
Now allowing her tears to fall freely, Monica leaned forward to her dear friend and, although still incredibly weak, wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around Andrew’s neck,
"Thank you, Andy," she whispered weakly, yet softly, her voice laced with tears,
"Thank you."
*******************************************************************************
Chapter 17
Three days later the two angels once again stood out on the porch to Erin’s house for the first time since that fateful day four years ago. They were both silent for a few moments, caught up in their own thoughts, and when Monica glanced at Andrew, she saw him flinch as though remembering what had happened here that day.
Reaching for his hand, she looked up into his eyes,
"It’s in the past now, my friend, and all is forgiven."
Her words bringing him back to the present moment, he smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close as he kissed the top of her head,
"I know." He looked into her brown eyes lovingly, still feeling relief that she was making a full recovery. Her strength was nearly completely back and only a small trace of the cough still remained with her. A bit of concern filled his eyes as he then noticed the apprehension in hers,
"Monica?"
She sighed softly, knowing that there was nothing she could hide from him, as he knew her too well,
"I guess I’m a little nervous…about seeing Erin."
Moving to face her, he laid his hands on her shoulders and met her eyes steadily,
"Listen to me, Angel Girl. It will be okay," Seeing the doubt lingering in her eyes, he continued,
"Do you trust me?"
Looking into his eyes, she nodded her head,
"With my whole heart, Andrew, you know that."
"Then you know I would never lead you into something bad, sweetheart. I’ll be right here with you and I promise you, it will be fine." Taking her hand firmly into his own and giving her a wink, he then opened the door to Erin’s house,
"Hello?" He called out as he closed the door behind them.
Tess threw down the magazine she was reading and quickly got to her feet,
"Is that my Angel Boy I hear?" She called out, delight filling her eyes at the sight of them both,
"Oh babies, I have missed you so much!" Impulsively, she wrapped her arms around Andrew and pulled him into a tight hug, ruffling his hair affectionately.
"We missed you too, Tess," He replied with a smile.
"And my little Angel Girl," Tess approached Monica and took her hands,
"How are you doing, baby?" She asked carefully.
"Better, Tess, much better," Monica replied, exchanging a look with Andrew before she was pulled into Tess’ strong embrace.
"I’ve been worried sick about you," Tess said softly, remembering the last time she had seen her Angel Girl and the state she had been in then.
"I was in good hands, Tess," She whispered back, before her eyes widened at the sight of Erin coming in the back door.
"Hey Tess, what is all the commotion about?" Erin asked, looking up then and seeing Andrew and Monica.
Pulling away from Tess, Monica instinctively reached for Andrew’s hand once more and when she felt him catch her small hand up in his, she relaxed a little.
"You’re back," Erin said softly, looking more than a little unsure of herself.
Giving Monica’s hand a reassuring squeeze, Andrew let go to walk over to his friend,
"Yes, we are."
Erin moved to hug him tightly,
"I am so sorry," She whispered, feeling him wrap his arms around her,
"Are we okay?"
"Of course we are," He replied gently, pulling away to look into her eyes,
"You reacted as you did out of loyalty to me, but you had no way to know that what I needed at that moment was the chance to work things out with Monica."
"And have you? I know how much you love her, Andrew, and if I stood in the way of that somehow, I’m so sorry."
"She and I are just fine," He reassured her with a smile,
"But I think that there is someone else who needs to hear you say that." With a nod of his head, he indicated his best friend, who looked nervous enough to want to crawl out of her skin.
"C’mon, Angel Boy, how about you and I get some coffee brewing?" Tess asked as she started for the kitchen.
Nodding his head, he walked back over to his best friend, seeing the pleading look in her eyes,
"Remember what I said…it’s going to be fine." He said softly, touching his forehead to hers before he followed Tess into the kitchen.
There was silence in the room for a moment, before Monica attempted to say something,
"Erin, I-."
"No, Monica, please. I’m sorry for all the horrible things I said to you. I had no right and you were certainly not deserving of them. Andrea considered you a friend and I know you felt the same way about her and knowing that, I know you never would have done anything to hurt her," Erin’s eyes glistened with tears, and looking up, she saw that Monica’s eyes were tear filled as well.
"No, I never would have, and Erin, I’m so sorry you lost your daughter, but I do know that she is with the Father right now and that she is happy and I hope that somehow, that helps you to know that." Monica offered softly.
"It does," Erin replied, nodding her head,
"You know, Andrea was named after you and Andrew, because I believe that out of all the angels in heaven, the two of you have the most beautiful friendship I’ve ever been a witness to, and the fact that you two can work out your problems that seemed so terrible, says so much for the love you have for each other. I love Andrew very much, and it’s nice to know that when he leaves that there is someone I know looking out for him, and maybe one day, you can call me ‘friend’, the same way you do Andrew."
Monica smiled tearfully as she moved to wrap her arms around Erin,
"Oh Erin, I already do."
Tess smiled from where she and Andrew were peeking out through the kitchen door,
"Happy ending, Angel Boy?"
"Most definitely, Tess," He replied, his eyes shining with love for his two friends as they embraced,
"Most definitely."
Chapter 18-The Conclusion
An hour now having passed, the three angels and Erin stood before one another at the front door, preparing to say their ‘good byes’. Andrew looked from his human friend to Monica and Tess and back again, knowing that the
time had finally come to do this again…and the angel knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this would be the hardest good bye he ever had to do.
Taking a deep breath and stepping towards Erin first, the angel reached out for her hands and held onto them tightly, offering her a brave smile to reassure her that she would be okay,
"Take care of yourself, my friend," he said softly, his voice somewhat laced with unshed tears,
"There’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll run into one another again."
Sucking in a deep breath as she listened to her friend’s words, Erin wordlessly nodded her blonde head and threw her arms around Andrew’s neck tightly, staring up at the ceiling as she spoke,
"Me, too, Andrew…Me, too."
Rubbing her back soothingly and kissing the side of her head, Andrew felt tears start to fill his eyes now as he heard Erin whisper one final thing to him in his ear,
"I love you, Andrew. I’ll always remember you…"
Pulling back from the hug gently and looking into her tear-filled, blue eyes, Andrew laid his hands on her shoulders, kissed her forehead lightly and responded lovingly,
"And I you, my dear friend. Don’t lose your faith, Er, and remember that God is always with you and He will always love you, just like we do. Always remember."
Giving her head a jerky puppet’s nod in response, Erin threw her arms around him in a tight hug one final time before turning to Monica and Tess, who stood off to the side, waiting patiently. Swallowing hard, the young human wrapped her arms around Monica next and didn’t say a word until the two separated and Erin grasped the other angel’s hands in her own and gave them a friendly squeeze,
"I hope I see you again sometime, Monica..."
Squeezing her hands back in turn, Monica nodded her head and responded back, the Irish in her lilt thick,
"I’m sure we will cross paths again, Erin. Just like you will with Andrew…"
Nodding her head and turning to Tess lastly, Erin wrapped her arms around the older angel and squeezed her tightly,
"Thank you, Tess…for getting my head back on straight and for talking some sense into me."
"It’s not a problem, Baby," Tess lovingly answered, hugging the human back while stroking her long, blonde hair,
"You take care of yourself, Erin, like my Angel Boy said, you hear, honey?"
Pulling back weakly from the embrace, Erin whispered sadly,
"I will, Tess. I will…"
Seeing the sad looks now displayed on the three angel’s faces and fully realizing that it was now time for them to say good bye to one another, Erin nodded her head in understanding and backed away. Reaching to give Andrew’s hand a final, tight squeeze, while wishing that he didn’t have to leave her now, Erin finally let go of him and walked backwards towards the hallway
"I’ll leave you three alone now…But, I love you guys. I really do."
Turning her back on her three angelic friends, the young human, with tears streaming down her cheeks, turned and headed to the family room almost at a run, this being so hard to do…
At the sound of a door close and all was quiet in the house right then, the three angels turned back towards each other, each one having tears in their eyes. It was now time and they all knew it. But how would they ever be able to do it??
Taking a deep, shaky breath as she looked lovingly at her two special "Angel Babies" in turn in the living room, Tess stepped forward and wrapped Andrew in a tight embrace first, tears now streaming down her chocolate-colored skin. Stroking his silky, blonde hair and kissing the side of his head, Tess whispered into her young friend’s ear,
"I love you so much, Baby. I know I’ll see you again…although I don’t know what the Father has planned yet. But, I know we will…"
Stroking his hair one final time, the former supervisor again spoke aloud,
"And thank you for taking such good care of Monica, Andrew. Thank you, Baby…"
Squeezing his older friend back in turn, the younger angel laid his head on top of Tess’ and responded,
"I’m going to miss you so much, Tess…and I do love you."
Finally releasing him from her hug, the dark-skinned angel now turned to face her other Baby and sighed sadly as she saw the look on her gentle features,
"Everything will be all right, sweetheart. We all know it will; I’ll see you both again sometime soon and never forget my love for you, Angel Girl. Okay, Baby?"
Closing her brown eyes and trying to hold back a sob, Monica flung her arms around her older friend and hugged her tightly to herself,
"I love you, too, Tess. I’m going to miss you so very much…"
Running her hand through Monica’s long, auburn hair, Tess planted a gentle kiss on her Babies' head before pulling gently away and looking into her tear-filled eyes one final time, her own eyes welling up with tears of their
own,
"But till we meet again, Angel Girl."
Turning back to Andrew, she grasped hold of her "Angel Boy’s" hand and then grasped Monica’s, enjoying the feel of their hands in hers one final time and repeated,
"Till we meet again, Babies."
Giving their hands a final squeeze, Tess released her hold on them and gave each of her friends a final brave smile before disappearing from the Graham’s decorative living room.
Wordlessly, Andrew took Monica’s hand and led her to the front door and walking out onto the front porch, he closed the door behind them. Turning then to face her, he sighed softly, trying to prepare himself for this particular good-bye, which was always so hard,
"I guess this is it, Angel Girl."
Monica nodded her head numbly, trying to hold back the flood of tears that begged for release,
"You would think it would get easier, but it never does, Andrew and this time especially…" She looked away for a moment and when she looked back to him a moment later, tears streaked her cheeks,
"I feel like I just found you again…"
Andrew managed a trembling smile as he moved to stroke her cheek,
"You never really lost me to begin with, Monica. Yes, it felt that way, but my feelings for you never changed-I just thought they did." Noting her expression, which was bordering on her breaking into sobs, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her over to the steps so they could sit down for a minute,
"I have something for you, sweetheart. The last time we were at the cabin, you gave me something very special, and after all we’ve been through the last few years, I wanted to do something special for you before we go our separate ways for awhile." Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a small, but long-shaped box and handed it to her.
Hesitating long enough to wipe at the tears, Monica carefully opened it,
"Oh Andrew," She whispered, gently pulling out the gold charm bracelet. It was small and delicate, with several small charms hanging from the chain and her eyes clouded with tears once more.
"Here, allow me," Andrew smiled as he took it from her and fastened it around her right wrist. Then, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and feeling her snuggle close to him, he continued,
"Each charm represents something, Monica," He explained, his fingers moving to the bracelet,
"The dove, of course is a symbol of the Father’s love for you and the next one, the praying hands, are a reminder that even when things get tough and you think you have nowhere to turn, you can always turn to Him. The hourglass is a reminder that it is just a matter of time before we see each other again," He paused, kissing the side of her head as he felt the gentle sobs causing her shoulders to tremble, and he fought back his own tears once more,
"This one," He continued in a gentle whisper, indicating the two joined hearts on the bracelet,
"Is a reminder of our friendship and they are joined because nothing on this earth is really strong enough to pull it apart," Spinning the bracelet one last time on her wrist, he came to the last two charms, the first of them, being a fawn,
"I picked this one because I want you to remember that sometimes we make a decision to help someone or something, but it doesn’t always turn out exactly how we may want it to, but we have no way to know that our hearts tell us to help. Only the Father knows what will happen and why and it isn’t for us to question nor to blame ourselves." He closed his eyes briefly, feeling the tears escape them.
Drawing in a trembling breath, Monica lightly touched the last charm, which was a book,
"And this one, Andrew? Tell me what it means."
"That one is a history book. If you look at it closely, you can just make out the word ‘History’ on it," He pulled away to be able to face her and took her hands up in his own,
"And they say that history can never repeat itself, so what the one means is that the things that happened on this porch four years ago, will never happen again, sweetheart. That is my promise to you."
Tearfully, Monica wrapped her arms tightly around him,
"Thank you," She whispered, resting her head against his shoulder,
"And I’ll always remember, Andrew…I’ll always remember."
"I know you will," He replied, hugging her tightly and never wanting to let go, but he knew the time was drawing close.
Feeling him begin to pull away, Monica tried to stop the tears,
"I don’t want to do this," She said softly, looking up into his gentle green eyes.
"No, me neither, but it’s time, Angel Girl. You know, I think maybe Tess had the right idea…this isn’t good-bye, but more ‘Till we meet again’". He suggested as he rose to his feet and pulled her up with him.
She nodded her head, though her brown eyes were filled with sorrow,
"Thank you, for everything," She whispered.
"Thank you for forgiving me. I’m glad that there is something in our friendship that allows for second chances," He replied, giving her a wink and forcing a smile,
"Till we meet again, Angel Girl," He said softly, backing up a few steps.
"Till we meet again, Andrew," She whispered, knowing he would leave first because if he left it up to her, it would never happen. The tears coming faster, she looked up at him once more,
"Andrew!"
Raising an eyebrow in question as he looked at her, but a second later, she had flung herself into his arms one last time.
"I love you, my dear friend," She whispered tearfully.
"I love you too, sweetheart," He managed to say, holding her tightly for just a moment. Pulling away for the last time, he brushed at the tears on her cheeks,
"How about one more smile to get me through the next few years?" He asked, his eyes twinkling, as he gave her his most pleading look.
Unable to resist, the Irish-tongued angel laughed, closing her eyes briefly to stop the tears. When she opened them again, she saw that Andrew was gone and a bittersweet smile crossed her lips,
"Till we meet again, my friend."