Prologue
10 years later…
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion for him as the lone figure walked slowly down the cracked sidewalk, head down and shoulders slumped. Wishing he could turn away from the disaster area around him, the disaster the earthquake had caused, the invisible, solitary figure turned pained, green eyes towards the smashed houses around him. Trees that had only been standing upright several hours ago, beautiful in the sunny day, now lay torn from the ground in the middle of the cracked road.
Countless cars and trucks were now turned over on their sides or upside down, some soon starting to catch fire. Everything which had recently been rooted in their places were now scattered amongst the town, cracked, burning and looked like a disaster field…
Much like his own heart was right now.
Except everything around here could be repaired, the man thought to himself as tears fell from his eyes against his will. The houses and town could be repaired, but…those whose lives were lost today won’t be going back to their families…
God, how could I have been so stupid back there?? The young-looking, blonde man screamed silently to himself as he raised his wet eyes to the now cloudy sky. Father, I know it’s probably going to be impossible for You to forgive me…I know I can’t forgive myself…But I’m so sorry! Now instead of possibly being able to save that old woman’s life, I KILLED her instead!! What kind of Search and Rescue angel AM I?! I was supposed to SAVE her life – and comfort her – and, instead, she AND another human being are dead now! Because I didn’t listen to You! Oh, God…what have I done…what have I done…
Sirens wailing all around the heartbroken angel, the figure dropped helplessly to his knees on the cracked concrete, houses catching fire all around him. Blocking out the sounds of the crackling flames and the ambulances coming closer and closer, the man dropped his blonde head into his hands and wept his heart out…all the while, the memories of his earlier actions an hour ago coming back at him full speed…
(FLASHBACK)
"…Oh, so God LOVES me, huh, Mr. Angel?" Sally Beckerman’s old, weak voice snapped back as roughly as she could under the circumstances of the earthquake that hit the town several hours ago. The gray-haired, bitter woman lay, trapped, underneath piles and piles of wood that had collapsed on top of her. The dresser that had stood closely by the hospital bed now lay on top of the old woman’s back, crushing her fragile body from its added weight.
But Sally Beckerman didn’t seem to notice as she glared into Andrew’s hurting, green eyes.
"Yeah, right," she continued bitterly, wrenching her wrinkled hand, although weak, out of the angel’s grasp. "God loves ME. Like I believe that, Andrew…If your GOD loved me – or loved anyone in this…HOSPITAL…He would have stopped this from happening to us. So, DON’T give me that crap that God loves me; you got that, ANGEL??"
Shocked to say the least at Sally’s angry words and hatred towards the Father, Andrew forced himself together again and closed his green eyes before gently resting a compassionate hand on the woman’s uninjured shoulder,
"Sally…" the Search and Rescue angel whispered in his most gentle voice, looking into her bitter, brown eyes. "Sally, that’s not true. God loves all of His children; including you, Sally Nancy Beckerman. It’s not your time to die yet, either, Sally; I’ve been called here to help you – and to comfort you during this time –"
"Well, why don’t you go HELP somebody besides me, angel?" Sally snapped, hatred shining in the 90-year old woman’s eyes. "Just leave me alone, let me rot to death and let the demons take my soul…"
"Oh, Sally…" Andrew whispered, his voice choked up with emotion and tears immediately springing to his sorrowful, green eyes. The old woman’s words tore at the angel’s gentle heart, but as he opened his mouth to continue speaking to her, a baby’s cry tore through the hospital destruction…a painful, loud cry of a young baby not very far from where he knelt by Sally’s side…
"…Don’t you ‘Oh, Sally’, me, buddy…" the weak, yet angry, voice of the human beside him snapped Andrew out of his trance as he turned briefly back to Sally, his gut telling him to go and save that child, though…
"I hear someone younger than me calling your name, Andrew," Sally continued icily, but her voice growing weaker,
"Go take care of that baby, angel, and leave me be…Let me rot to my grave…"
Gulping loudly, trying to swallow down the large lump in his throat, Andrew glanced over his shoulder quickly, his heart and soul yearning to go and help that small baby. Children were so precious to the angel that it tore him to shreds when any of them were in pain. But…how could he do that when he was ordered to stay by Sally’s side and help her once the time came?? The Father’s plan was perfect; Andrew knew that. But…
"Go on, Andrew," Sally continued to push him away weakly, turning her head slowly in the other direction. "Shoo! Leave me be now, you hear??"
As soon as the words escaped the woman’s mouth, the cry of the baby came through louder than ever, as if calling his name to be rescued by the angel…
Turning towards Sally once more, all the while ignoring his orders to stay put, Andrew laid a compassionate hand on her shoulder one final time before speaking,
"I’ll be back, Sally, in a few – "
"Don’t bother," Came the sharp reply.
His heart pounding in his chest loudly, both from guilt at his disobeying the Father and also fear, Andrew hesitantly stood to his shaky feet and turned away from the old woman’s badly injured form, his mind now set on helping this child…
But, just as the Search and Rescue angel took a few steps in the direction of the baby, a violent vibration shook underneath his feet and a loud crash came tumbling down. Dropping to his knees for a moment until the aftershock subsided, Andrew’s green eyes opened wider than ever as he now realized that all was quiet.
Nothing was heard.
No cries of the baby.
No shouts for help.
And the sound that the loud crash had come from was behind him in the direction of…
Sally…
Oh, God, no…please, no, Father…Don’t let her be –
Andrew hurriedly rose to his feet once more and turned back to Sally’s direction, desperately praying to God as he bolted to the older woman…But, unfortunately, as the angel neared Sally Beckerman and soon realized that the crash HAD occurred right on top of his assignment, Andrew helplessly dropped to his knees in the rubble by the woman’s broken, old body…which now laid perfectly still underneath the rubble and wood.
Too still.
Please, Father!! Andrew silently cried out, dropping his head into the palms of his hands, sobbing heart brokenly. Now, not only had a small baby died…so did his assignment, without even knowing the Father…
Please, Father! Please! Give me another chance! The angel silently continued pleading, lifting his tear-filled, pained eyes to the ceiling wreckage above him.
But…he knew in his heart that wouldn’t be the case…
(END FLASHBACK)
*****
By the time Andrew had opened his eye, the angel suddenly found himself in front of a large, brick building. The place towered over him and seemed large enough to hold the entire neighborhood perhaps. Shakily rising to his feet, Andrew slowly made his way, as if in a daze, over to the sign that was planted in the nicely mowed lawn:
"Roger’s Homeless Shelter"
Frowning, a confused look displayed on his pale face, Andrew lifted his tear-stained eyes to the gray clouds up above, his heart beating in time to the pounding of the migraine he was getting.
What am I doing here, God…he silently questioned, but not really caring what the answer would be. Am I supposed to stay here for the time being or what??
"My child, I want you to stay here for right now," the Father’s always Loving Voice spoke to him clearly. "You will see why later on, Andrew…"
Tears still spilling from his once-joyful, green eyes, Andrew lowered his head and stared down at the grass where a medium-sized bag of luggage sat at his feet. Without bothering to say a word, the heartbroken angel grabbed the handle of the luggage at his feet, and immediately began trudging up the steps of the shelter to the front door.
*****
Standing unseen to Andrew in the back of the room of which he had been given for the time being, Tess stood stalk still, staring silently at the one who sat at the windowsill, staring out the window at the disastrous neighborhood…the neighborhood which was totally and utterly ruined by an earthquake…
Oh, my Angel Boy…Tess sadly thought to herself as she walked a bit closer to Andrew, who didn’t move at all. Oh, Father, I haven’t set eyes on that Baby in 10 years after Carla was given to Monica as her new caseworker…What do I do to help him, God? What happened today must have done serious damage to him…
"Show yourself to him, My angel," the Father spoke lovingly to the chocolate-skinned angel,
"Andrew is now your assignment, so to speak. Since you’re now an Angel’s Angel, he’s going to need you and another certain angel when the time is right, Tess. But for now, be with him, My daughter."
Trying unsuccessfully to hold back a flood of hot tears as she came closer to the old friend she hadn’t seen in so many years, Tess finally allowed the tears to trickle down her cheeks as she walked up right behind Andrew, now all of a sudden in human form.
Noticing that her Baby was so deep in thought that he still didn’t notice her presence, the older angel reached a shaking hand out and carefully laid it on Andrew’s shoulder, just as she spoke, "Angel Boy…"
At the sound of the strong, loving, beautiful voice he hadn’t heard in exactly 10 full years, Andrew whirled around from his seat, his hands now clenching the wooden seat of the windowsill. As he stared into his older friend’s ever warm, brown eye, the torn-up angel felt himself fall apart as he realized he was now face-to-face with one of his dearest friends, whom he never thought he’d set eyes upon again.
"T-Tess…?" he stuttered tearfully, still staring at her.
Without saying a word, Tess removed her perfectly manicured hand from her "Angel Boy’s" shoulder and immediately gathered her friend into her strong arms, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she rocked his shaking form back and forth,
"It’s me, Andrew," she whispered soothingly into his ear and gently laid a kiss on his soft, blonde head. Hearing the heart wrenching sobs coming from her Baby as he tightly held onto her for dear life, Tess continued to rocking him as she spoke soothingly and lovingly,
"Yes, it’s me, sweetheart…Tess is here. I’m here…oh, sweet Baby…everything will be all right; everything will be all right…"
************************************************************************************************
Chapter 1
Tess held Andrew for a long time before his tears began to subside. Her heart ached for her younger friend, feeling the pain that was emulating from him. Once he had composed himself as best he could, Tess pulled away and wrapped her arm around his waist,
"Lets get you out of here, Angel Boy," She said softly, picking up his one case as they started for the door.
Minutes later, they were driving down one of the few roads that had not been destroyed in Tess’ new car. Andrew remained silent, his head bowed and his hands folded into his lap, refusing to even wager a look at the destruction that surrounded them.
"You know," Tess remarked, trying to make conversation in an attempt to draw him out of the dark place he was in his mind,
"I still miss my car, but I’m sure that Monica is getting plenty of use out of it."
At the mention of his best friend’s name, Andrew seemed to draw farther into himself and Tess sighed softly, wondering what the Father had planned. She knew what had happened after the earthquake and she was hoping that Andrew would talk to her about it, but right now she knew that was not a possibility. She knew him well enough to know that often when his hurt ran deep, he would pull away from those he loved and the internal struggle with himself would begin, and it would take time to pull the words from him.
They drove for quite sometime, up a winding mountain road. The trees had turned brilliant shades of orange, yellow and red in the late fall weather and it was quite a sight to behold, though Andrew paid no attention. His mind kept going over and over what had occurred in that hospital, as if maybe if he could replay it enough, the outcomes would change, but he knew that was not the case. He had made a horrible mistake in judgment by attempting to reach the crying baby and had lost his assignment because of it. He had walked away from Sally because she had been too difficult, had refused to listen and had even encouraged him to go. But as an angel of God, he should have known better. The baby had its own angel, he was sure, but he had walked away anyhow. He had failed, and that was not something his heart could take lightly.
"Here we are, baby," Tess’ voice broke into his thoughts as they pulled up in front of a lovely log house, seemingly in the middle of nowhere as only woods surrounded the area. As they pulled up, several deer gracefully raced away from the side of the house, save one. Andrew starred, as the lone doe seemed to gaze right at him, her gentle brown eyes seeming to look into his very soul. He lowered his head once again, the doe seemingly a reminder of one he still missed so much, and when he looked back, she had vanished.
Realizing that Tess had gotten out of the car, he opened his door and then silently followed her inside.
"Well, what do think, baby?" Tess asked as they looked around them.
Had he not been so full of despair and self-loathing, Andrew would have smiled at the intimate house that the Father had provided. The living room was large and warm and a stone fireplace covered one wall. There was a kitchen and stairs, which led upstairs to the bedrooms.
"Why are we here, Tess?" He whispered, swallowing hard as he forced himself to look at his friend.
"Because this is where the Father wants us to be, Andrew," She replied, taking off her coat, before helping him with his. She smiled at him as they sat down in the living room,
"Andrew…" She began tentatively.
"So, why are you here, Tess?" Andrew interrupted, wanting to steer the conversation away from what had happened earlier today,
"Given some vacation time from the choir?"
"Actually, Angel Boy, I’m no longer directing the Heavenly Choir. The Father promoted me a few months ago to Angel’s Angel. So, I think you know why I’m here," She tried to meet his eyes but failed miserably as he quickly looked away,
"It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Baby? Ten years is much to long for me to not see you." Tears glistened in her eyes as she thought about how often she had thought about him over the years, as well as the other angel who was not with them this time. She watched as Andrew silently nodded his blond head before she continued,
"I got word a few years back that Monica was doing very well with Carla and that she had finally let go of her guilt regarding Denise. You had a lot to do with that, Baby."
"No, Tess," Andrew replied softly, shaking his head,
"Monica is a wonderful angel. She follows the Father’s plan regardless, which is more than I can say."
"That’s not true, Andrew and you know it. We all make errors in judgment from time to time. I’ve made mine, Monica has made hers and even you make yours. We’re not perfect and the Father does not expect us to be, though we strive to do what is right. Sometimes though, we make mistakes and the beauty of it is that the Father forgives us those mistakes." She could see that her words were not making any impact on her former charge however, so she decided to cut to the chase.
"Baby, I know what happened today after the earthquake," Tess remarked gently.
He nodded his head again and finally met his eyes with hers, though nothing would have prepared her for the words that he spoke,
"Then you’ll understand why I’m going to tell the Father that I no longer wish to maintain my angel status."
Chapter 2
"Angel Boy…" Tess began, trying to meet her friend’s eyes, but not succeeding. Fighting to hold back her tears and to reassure herself that Andrew didn’t mean what he said just now, Tess rested a hand upon the other angel’s shoulder and turned him around towards her till she met her brown eyes with his green ones,
"Angel Boy…You can’t mean that," the older angel softly replied, although her voice shook. Although she didn’t believe that Andrew, of all angels, wouldn’t ever even think of giving up his angel status, deep down in her heart, a sudden uncomfortable feeling was beginning to take place. What if Andrew really meant what he said? What if he meant every word of it and decided to go ahead with it??
"Tess…" Andrew quietly spoke, bringing the older angel out of her thoughts suddenly,
"I do mean this. I screwed everything up today and you have to admit it to yourself that it was my fault and no one else’s. I have no business being an angel of God; I have no business being anyone’s friend; and I certainly don’t deserve the love that you’ve given me through the years – "
"Oh, Andrew…" Tess whispered, tears now falling down her chocolate-brown skin, but she didn’t make a move to wipe them away. Her heart hurting like never before, the angel moved closer to her young friend and tried to wrap her arms around his shoulders. But, Andrew firmly pulled away before the angel could get any closer to him.
"Please, don’t, Tess," Andrew choked out, turning away from his friend’s caring, concerned eyes and facing the other direction.
"Can I just be alone for a while? I don’t feel like company right now…"
Her eyes full of love and hurt for her younger friend and former charge, Tess allowed her tears to continue falling as she slowly nodded her head, knowing it would be best to let him be for a while. It was what he wanted and by the look of things right then, there was no way she’d be able to get through to him right now. Especially not right now.
Before standing to her feet once again, the older, dark-skinned angel leaned towards Andrew one more time and rested her hand gently on his shoulder while whispering in his ear,
"I’ll be back in a little bit, Baby. And don’t you forget how much the Father loves you. And so do I, Andrew."
Squeezing his shoulder and laying a soft kiss on his tousled, blonde head, Tess rose to her feet and headed towards the wooden front door, her mind now in a whirl. How was she ever going to be able to talk to her "Angel Boy" and get through to him before it was too late?
"Oh, Father, please help that Baby in there," she silently prayed as she opened the wooden door and stepped outside into the cool, afternoon air,
"And, please, if it’s your will, please send us another angel to help along the way…"
*****
Long, auburn hair flowing behind her and some strands of her bangs blowing into her face, Monica walked slowly around the maintain range, softly humming to herself. Folding her arms across her chest and lifting her lovely, brown eyes to the robin’s blue sky, the Irish angel drew in the cool air and smiled to herself, although she was still confused why she was supposed to be here.
Having been on a vacation that past week, she had gotten an order from the Father to come to this place and…to "wait and see". Whatever that meant, Monica had no idea. But the supervisor angel now knew better than to question God, but to let His plan unfold around her.
Now, she found herself walking along the mountain range, a cool afternoon breeze surrounding her, waiting for whatever that was to happen happened. Lowering her eyes from the gorgeous sky to the trail ahead of her, Monica suddenly stopped in her tracks as her pretty, brown eyes came to rest on an all-too familiar figure that stood not that far ahead of her. The figure stood, seemingly staring up at the sky, her lips moving in silent prayer from what it looked to be.
Although trees surrounded her, Monica was able to make out the figure; the figure that hadn’t changed at all since the last time she set eyes upon her exactly 10 years ago…
"Tess…Is that you??" Monica whispered to herself, her Irish lilt thick and her eyes growing wide with excitement,
"Oh my gosh…"
Quickly walking up towards her own former supervisor and one of her closes friends, Monica raised her voice over the chirping of the birds on the trees, calling out to the other figure ahead of her.
"Tess??"
At the sound of her name being called, and the familiar, sweet Irish lilt that went along with it, Tess wiped her tears away from her dark, brown eyes and turned to her left, all of a sudden coming face to face with Monica…her other former charge; her sweet "Angel Girl"…
Her voice somewhat quiet and choked up with emotion, Tess called back to her old friend, making sure she wasn’t seeing things or hearing things,
"Angel Girl??"
"Tess! It’s really you!!" Monica cried as she made a mad sprint over to her former supervisor and threw herself into Tess’ waiting, protective arms. A smile spreading a mile wide across the younger angel’s pretty features, Monica held onto her friend for a long time as her heart raced. Had it really been 10 years since she’d been able to see Tess and to hug her again?
"Oh, Tess…Tess, I’ve missed you," the Irish angel whispered into her friend’s ear as she buried her face into the older angel’s shoulder,
"I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again…"
"Oh, Angel Girl," Tess whispered back, her voice getting choked up again as she hugged her other Baby back with all of her might, stroking her soft, brown hair with gentle hands,
"I’ve missed you, too, Baby. I’ve missed you, too…It’s so great to see you again…"
Tears trickling into the younger angel’s hair at the thought that this sudden reunion surely couldn’t have been a coincidence, Tess stopped speaking for a while as she gave Monica one last squeeze. Noticing the catch in her former supervisor’s strong voice, Monica pulled back from the embrace and looked into Tess’ loving – but, for some reason, sad – brown eyes. A frown slowly making its way onto her face, the angel grasped Tess’ hand in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Tess?" she quietly urged as she stared into Tess’ tear-filled eyes,
"Tess? What’s wrong? Have you been crying?"
Sniffling and lifting her free hand to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, Tess gave a long sigh before meeting Monica’s soft, brown eyes. The gentle urge from the Father told her to inform Monica about what was going on with Andrew and Tess knew better than any angel that this could be part of His plan…His plan to help their beloved "Angel Boy" before it was too late.
"Yes, Baby, I have been…" she quietly answered, sniffling again and blinking back another round of hot tears,
"I’m sorry to have to see you while I’m such a mess, Monica…"
"What’s wrong?" Monica prodded, confusion and worry written all over her gentle features as she squeezed Tess’ hand tightly again,
"Why have you been crying here?"
Giving a soft sigh, Tess squeezed her friend’s hand back and gently gave it a tug. She knew that the two of them had some talking to do, if this was part of the Father’s plan, and since Andrew had asked her to leave him alone for right now, what better time to inform Monica about the situation than right now?
"C’mon, Miss Wings; we need to talk for a minute," she softly said, leading the younger angel by the hand as the two walked around the mountain tops,
"I don’t think that we suddenly got reunited by coincidence, Monica…I really don’t think so. I have something I need to talk to you about, which is very important regarding a very old friend of ours…"
*****
1 hour later…
"…This is where the Father told us to stay for right now, Angel Girl," Tess explained as she shut the door behind her and Monica as they finally returned from their walk an hour later,
"I brought Andrew here earlier this afternoon and I’m so worried about our "Angel Boy", Monica…"
"You said he’s thinking of giving up his angel status because of what happened this afternoon?" Monica confirmed, her voice now getting choked up at the thought of what was happening to her best friend. Andrew was so special to her and was always there for her in the past – one specific time she would never ever forget – that she couldn’t even imagine him giving up being an angel of God. Just the thought sent a dagger through her spirit.
Hanging Monica’s jacket up in the hall closet, Tess closed the door and headed over to where Monica was wandering around the cabin, taking in the place. Her soft brown eyes showed concern for their friend, along with never ending love.
"Yes…" Tess answered, looking up at the ceiling briefly. "That’s what he informed me not very long ago…" Sighing, the older angel looked over into the living room where Andrew had been when she had left, but now found the couch to be deserted. The fire in the fireplace still blazed brightly, which kept the cozy cabin nice and warm,
"Angel Boy must be up in his room, Monica," Tess whispered, still not turning back to Monica as she spoke.
"He won’t talk to me about this, but…maybe you can talk to him." Here, she turned back to her former charge and caseworker and raised an eyebrow in question,
"After all…you’re his best friend and you’ve always been able to get inside of his heart and spirit. Maybe…maybe this time you’ll be able to do it again, Angel Girl…and it surely wouldn’t hurt to see him again after 10 full years…"
Smiling slightly, and tearfully, of the thought that she was now in the same cabin as her best friend, Monica gazed over at the staircase where the bedrooms were located and gave a soft sigh, while lifting up prayers of guidance and help for Andrew.
Turning back to Tess briefly, the angel spoke quietly,
"I’ll be back in a while hopefully with Andrew." Turning back towards the staircase, Monica slowly headed towards it, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. Drawing in a deep breath as she quietly made her way upwards, Monica knew she could only wonder what to expect once she saw her best friend…
Chapter 3
Monica knocked softly on the door of Andrew’s room, but not getting any response, she quietly opened the door. Darkness had fallen over the mountains, and the only light coming into his room was that from the moon that shone in through the window.
Tears filled her brown eyes as they came to rest on his sleeping form, his expression, even in sleep, so deeply troubled. Walking over to the bed, Monica sat down on the edge of it, taking a few moments to simply look at him, remembering the last time she had seen him and thinking about all the years since then that she had so desperately missed him.
Leaning down, she planted a gentle kiss on top of his blond head as a tear made a shiny path down her cheek,
"Oh, how I’ve missed you." She whispered softly as she sat back up, noticing he was beginning to stir.
Sensing a presence, Andrew moaned softly and rolled over onto his back, his exhausted eyes opening and trying to adjust to the darkness. His breath caught in his throat as he realized he must be dreaming, or could it really be…
"Monica?" He uttered, sitting up slowly as his eyes took in every detail of her, hardly daring to believe that it was really her.
"Yes, Andrew," She whispered, her voice catching in a sob,
"It’s me. I’ve missed you so much…I’ve missed you so much…"
Forgetting about his need to drive those he loved away, he sat up and wrapped his arms around her tightly, never wanting to let her go. Feeling her holding onto him tightly, his tears began to flow once more. His hands worked into her hair as he kissed the side of her head,
"Oh Monica," He uttered, his voice laced with pain and all the emotion he felt over seeing her again after 10 long years,
"Monica, I…" He stopped, unable to continue.
"I know," She whispered tearfully as she rocked him gently in her arms,
"I know. We promised each other a long time ago that if we needed each other, we would be there and I am here for you, Andrew. I’m here for as long as you need me."
She held him tightly for a long time, her fingers lightly brushing through his blond hair as she whispered words of reassurance and her love for him until his tears subsided.
Finally pulling away, he managed a sad smile as his hand moved to stroke her cheek and leaning over, he gently kissed her forehead,
"It’s so good to see you, Angel Girl, you can’t even begin to know…"
"Can’t I?" She countered with a smile as she caught his hands up in her own,
"Not a day has gone by that I haven’t missed you and Tess. Not a day has gone by where I don’t pray to the Father to keep you both safe and happy. You are both so much a part of me, and it hurts when so many years go by without seeing you."
"But things are going all right with Carla?" He asked, despite the situation, he was anxious to hear from her that her second Caseworker was doing well.
"Oh yes," Monica replied,
"She is wonderful, though I wish her eyes were a different color," Seeing his confused look, she smiled once more,
"They remind me so much of you, Andrew. Every time I look into them, I’m reminded of you and how much I miss you."
He managed a smile at her words,
"We’ll have to see if we can do something about that," He joked half-heartedly, before his expression turned serious once more,
"I’m glad things are going well for you, sweetheart."
Her dark eyes met with his as she squeezed his hands tightly,
"But I hear things aren’t going so well for you. What is this Tess tells me about you wanting to give up being an angel?" Her voice was gentle, but she watched as he looked away from her, fighting his emotions once more.
"You heard right, Monica." He replied, though he didn’t offer anything further.
Sensing his attempts to shut her out and determined that would not happen, she carefully pressed him further,
"Tess briefly told me what happened today, my friend, but I’d rather hear it from you," She reached up and cupped his chin in her hand, forcing him to face her,
"Can you share it with me, Andrew? Please?"
Hesitating only for a moment, knowing that there was really nothing he could ever deny her, he began telling her what had transpired that day. His voice trembled as he spoke of Sally and the things she had said, and when he spoke of the baby, his voice began scarcely audible.
Monica’s eyes never left his face as she took in all that he told her, her heart grieving along with him. When he had finished, she raised a hand to his cheek,
"So you made a mistake, Andrew. We all do from time to time, but giving up isn’t the answer and you know that."
"It’s the answer for me, Monica. Don’t you see? I let an assignment get to me in such a way that I reacted negatively. I found it harder and harder to WANT to help her! She didn’t want the help, and I was starting to not want to help her, so much so, that I walked away! I walked away, Monica and now she is dead because of it." He looked away sharply as he tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat,
"My mind is made up about this."
"No," she whispered back to him, as she shook her head, refusing to believe that what he was speaking was the truth,
"No, Andrew, I won’t let your mind be made up about this. You’re hurting right now and I understand that, so now is not the time to make such a brash decision. Once the pain has subsided, you’ll see things more clearly, Andrew-."
Reaching over, he grabbed her by the shoulders, his eyes, though filled with love for her, were also determined to make her understand,
"Listen to me, Monica. You can’t fix this! I know that you want to, but it isn’t going to be gone in the morning! I can’t live with what I did today, with the feelings that I felt towards that human. My mind is made up and you are not going to be able to change it!"
Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she listened to his words, but she was determined he would not chase her away. She knew it was really the last thing he wanted-she knew him better than anyone except the Father and she knew he needed her now, even if his words spoke a different message,
"You’re just trying to fix something that was wrong, but doing something else that is also very wrong, Andrew! Don’t you see that? Giving up is not the answer, no matter how much you want it to be. The Father needs you…I need you!" Her gentle voice caught in a sob as she struggled to gain control over her emotions once more.
Seeing the pain he was causing her, Andrew lowered his head once more,
"I think it is time, Monica, that you found someone more reliable to need."
His words chilled her, as well as the realization that today had definitely made a lasting impression on his soul, but her love for him, as a fellow angel and her very best friend, only made her want to fight harder against the pain that was tearing him away from her and God. The tone of her voice caused him to turn back to her as he saw the fire and the tears in her brown eyes,
"You may have given up on yourself, Andrew, but not for one minute will I give up on you."
Chapter 4
Rising quickly to his feet from the soft bed, startling Monica as he did so, Andrew walked over to the window on the other side of the room and stared out at the somewhat dark mid-evening sky. His back to his best friend, who still sat edge of the bed, her brown eyes pouring into him, Andrew folded his arms across his chest and let out a deep sigh.
Still not facing the Irish angel behind him, Andrew finally spoke, trying his hardest to keep the pain and tears out of his voice,
"I don't understand why you just won't give up on this, Monica...I'm useless. I'm useless to you and to Tess – and especially to those humans out there...They all deserve a much better angel and you know it, Monica. So why don't you just forget about this, understand that I've made my decision and leave me alone, please?"
"No, I'm NOT going to leave you alone, Andrew!" Monica cried back, standing to her feet and, with determination, walked over to where her best friend stood, his back still to her. Trying her hardest to keep from bursting into tears, she continued gently, yet firmly at the same time,
"I'm not going to desert you when I know how badly you feel right now...and that you're making a big mistake here. Andrew...you're my best friend and a great angel - "
At her last statement, the blonde-haired angel whirled around and faced Monica, his eyes and voice now colder than stone,
"Don't talk to me about being a 'great angel', Monica!" he yelled loudly, pain and frustration evident in his tone of voice,
"I'm anything but! If you think this, then why did I do what I did today? Huh, Monica?? I failed, Monica! I FAILED! And the Father will never take me back because of those actions - "
"Andrew! You know that's not true!" Monica interrupted, desperation showing plainly in her Irish voice,
"The Father loves you! He LOVES you, Andrew, mistakes and all! You...you can't just walk away from it all, my friend. We all need you - "
"Find some other angel, Monica!" the distraught and clearly upset Search and Rescue angel heatedly snapped, piercing Monica with his flashing, green eyes,
"I've already told you that you won't be able to change my decision, so just...just STOP! STOP!"
Before Monica had a chance to reach out to her friend again, however, the sound of the bedroom door opening broke into the arguing between the two angels and Tess' strong voice called out,
"Angel Babies? What's going on here?"
Her dark brown eyes filled with both worry and love, the older angel headed cautiously over to the window where her younger friends were standing, both of them staring at her wide-eyed. As she reached Monica's side, Tess turned her concerned eyes to her "Angel Boy", who's green eyes were flooded with unstoppable tears and his jaw set. The younger angel seemed to be trying to hold something back...but what it was...the former supervisor had not a clue.
"Honey? Are you okay, Angel Boy?" Tess softly whispered, carefully reaching out and resting a hand on Andrew's upper arm, her eyes still glued to his.
"It's nothing, Tess," Monica jumped in, however, shamefully lowering her sad eyes to the ground to avoid looking straight at her former supervisor,
"We're doing okay up here - "
"We're doing OKAY?!" Andrew's sharp voice interrupted her as he pulled away from Tess' gentle touch and backed up against the wall,
"Is that what you call it, Monica?? I've already told you that I'm not changing my mind and that's FINAL! Final, I tell you!!"
Tears trickling down her face at her best friend's words and the pain and hurt that she could hear so well in his voice, Monica tried once more to take a step closer to Andrew, refusing to give up,
"Andrew - "
"Just stop it, Monica," Andrew lowered his voice a notch to an eerie whisper, but the words he spoke, however, were just as angry,
"Get out. Both of you...Just get..."
Shoving his way past the two angels who he knew he was pushing away from him, Andrew opened his bedroom door as soon as he neared it and shot a warning look over to his two friends. A look that clearly read, "Leave me alone."
Shocked at what was occurring before her very eyes and that her very best friend was shutting her out, Monica neared Andrew again, but didn't walk out the door...instead, stared into his tear-filled eyes,
"Andrew, please...please don't shut us out. Not now - "
"Just GO!!" Andrew all of a sudden shouted before closing his eyes and turning his head away from both Monica and Tess, hoping they both would get the hint.
Sensing that there was no way she or Monica would be able to get to her Baby that day, Tess drew in a shaky breath and rested her hand against Monica's back, gently ushering her out the door first. Turning her gaze back to Andrew, Tess sadly realized that his hurt over the disaster that day went much more deep than she had ever thought...
Lightly resting a shaky hand one final time on her dear friend's arm, Tess gently whispered before departing out the door,
"Just so you know, Angel Baby, Monica's not the type to give up on you...and neither am I. We love you too much to allow this to rip you apart."
Her tender heart breaking after not receiving a response from her former charge, Tess gave Andrew's arm a final squeeze before heading quietly out the door. At the sound of the door slamming shut and locking up behind her and Monica, did Tess really allow her tears to fall.
Chapter 5
Tess fought back tears as she descended the stairs, her eyes coming to rest on her beloved Angel Girl. Monica was sitting on a stool in front of the fireplace, her head bowed as her shoulders shook with silent sobs. Tess sighed softly as she hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks, knowing that right now, that even though Monica had been a supervisor for some time now, this was a moment where she needed the comfort of her old supervisor.
Sitting down in the chair directly behind her former charge, Tess rested a hand on Monica’s trembling shoulder. Watching as the younger angel turned around, the fire accented the shiny paths on her cheeks made by her tears, Tess opened her arms,
"C’mere, Baby."
Sobs tearing through her, Monica rested her head in Tess’ lap, allowing herself to feel the comfort of the loving hand stroking through her auburn hair,
"Oh Tess," She wept sadly,
"I can’t stand seeing him like this! He’s hurting so much…"
"I know, baby, and I’m sure it hurt to hear your best friend yelling at you to get out of his room and perhaps his existence too. Am I right?" Hearing the gentle angel’s sobs intensify, Tess sighed again. Her two angel babies had always been so close. As a young Caseworker, Monica had looked up to Andrew and he in turn had taken her under his wing, so to speak, helping her whenever he could, being a source of comfort when her heart ached, or just answering the unending questions that had stemmed from her insatiable curiosity. The friendship had grown over the years into one of the strongest angelic friendships Tess has ever witnessed, and though she knew they both loved her dearly, the two younger angels could often communicate with each other with no more than a glance.
Even 10 years ago, when they had all last seen each other, Andrew had gotten Monica through one of the hardest times in her existence and Tess knew that now, Monica longed to be able to return the favor, but Andrew’s attempting to shut her out was not only making that impossible, but also breaking the heart of one who loved him so much.
"It’s going to take some time, baby, that’s all," Tess said after a moment, trying to tell herself the same thing, as she had never seen her Angel Boy so set in his ways before.
"I just want to help him, Tess!" Came the muffled sob,
"Why won’t he let us help him?"
"Because we know too much, baby. We know him too well and he knows that he can’t hide things from us. Andrew’s trying so hard to hang onto all that pain, that it is easier for him to push us away then to face the truth. He needs to forgive himself, Angel Girl, then ask God to forgive him, and he knows that, but he isn’t willing to let go of the guilt yet to believe that God would possibly forgive him." Tess managed a sad smile at her own words, knowing that her Heavenly Father was speaking to her heart. Turning her attention back to Monica, she gently raised her Angel Girl’s head with a finger under her chin,
"C’mon, baby. You need to pull yourself together to be able to help him at all."
Andrew stood at the top of the stairs, watching the scene below him. Though he couldn’t make out all the things that Tess was saying, he felt terrible about his actions moments ago and knew that he had deeply hurt two that he loved so much, and at the sound and sight of Monica’s tears, that point was driven home all the more. He knew he had been hard on his best friend, who was only trying to help him, and knowing that his decision was going to be even harder on her, on both of them, he couldn’t see where adding more pain would help things.
"Tess?"
Monica’s head shot up at the sound of the voice and not wanting Andrew to see her like this, she quickly turned back around to face the fire, fighting to get her emotions back under control.
A pained expression crossed his handsome face at her actions, but at that moment, Tess rose to face him, her eyes full of her love for him,
"I’m….I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I know you’re both only trying to help me and I had no business being so hateful," Tears threatened his eyes once more,
"I don’t know what is happening to me, Tess, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."
Tess pulled him into her arms and held onto him tightly,
"You’re working through a lot of pain right now, baby, but we’re here for you."
Andrew held onto her tightly for several minutes,
"I do love you, Tess. Thank you for being here."
"There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Angel Boy," Came the strong, affectionate reply.
Pulling away, he managed a sad smile before he turned his eyes to Monica, who was still gazing at the fire that burned in the fireplace. Tentatively, he approached her and sat down on the edge of the hearth so he could face her. Noticing she kept her head bowed, he reached out and tenderly brushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes,
"I’m sorry I hurt you, sweetheart," He whispered, his voice husky with emotion as he reached for her hand, wishing she would look at him.
She gripped his hand tightly in both of hers, almost afraid that if she let go, he would vanish before her very eyes,
"I shouldn’t have pushed you," Monica whispered after a moment,
"I just don’t want to lose you, Andrew," Her tear-filled eyes finally met with his, even as she fought to hold them back.
"You’ll be okay, Angel Girl," He responded, his words laced with sadness at his decision,
"In 10 years, you haven’t needed me. You’re doing just fine and will continue to be fine, even without me."
"That isn’t how it works, Andrew," Monica replied, tears now making their way down her cheeks once more, new ones replacing the ones he swiped at with his fingers,
"I may not have gotten into trouble in 10 years, but I always knew you were out there in the event that I did. If you give this up, then I’ll never see you again, and I can’t bear that, Andrew, I can’t."
"Then lets not talk about that yet," He replied, tears glistening in his own eyes. He knew his mind was already made up, but how could he bear the toll it was taking on those he loved so much?
Chapter 6
A half an hour later, Andrew sat in a comfortable recliner before the fireplace in the living room, a warm blanket provided by Tess wrapped around his legs. His blonde head was facing the wooden wall, not uttering a word as Tess sat on the couch beside him and Monica stood before the warm fireplace. The Irish angel was prodding at the burning flames in the fireplace with a stick that stood off to the side, her own thoughts off in another world.
Silence was brought upon the warm and cozy living room as the only sound being heard was the crackling of the orange flames as Monica continued to stare at it. Feeling the urge that this was as good a time as ever to say what was on her mind right then and there, Monica put down the wooden stick that she held in her hand and rubbed her hands before the fireplace trying to keep them as warm as possible.
Breathing in a deep breath and preparing herself, the Irish supervisor spoke up to her friends,
"Remember the time when Kathleen tried to drag me over to the dark side so many years ago and I thought that God wouldn’t want me anymore because I thought I had to go with her?"
A light bulb going off in his brain as he suddenly realized what Monica was now trying to do, Andrew interrupted in a firm, yet sad, voice,
"Monica…Please, not now…I don’t want to think about this – "
Ignoring her best friend’s pleading, Monica continued speaking as she faced him and then to Tess, who was nodding her head for her to continue what she was saying,
"Remember when she made me choose either to go with her or to hurt you two? Do you two remember that?" Rubbing her hands on her slacks, the younger angel pulled up a wooden stool off to the side and sat down slowly in it, her loving, brown eyes still focused on Andrew’s figure, who appeared to be grimacing at this sudden reminder. Feeling a tug from the Father to continue and that she was doing the right thing, she continued speaking.
"Remember Stacey, Andrew?"
Jerking his head over to his younger friend, Andrew felt tears brim in his pained, green eyes at that sudden memory. Oh, how could he forget Stacey? Gulping, the angel turned his eyes away from those of Monica and faced the wall once more, speaking under his breath, bur loud enough for Monica and Tess to hear.
"Please, you two…"
"Sweetheart, listen to Monica here," Tess urged gently, resting a loving hand on top of her old friend’s and giving it a rub before continuing,
"I think I know where Monica is going with this and it’s a good idea. Just listen, Angel Baby."
Tears running down his cheeks, Andrew didn’t respond to his former supervisor, but returned his look to his friends reluctantly. Seeing him facing her again, Monica again spoke her heart, hoping with all of her heart that this would help her dear friend…
"Andrew…Remember that time in the football field when I faced Kathleen and she made me choose between going with her or dying…"
*****
(FLASHBACK)
Monica looked up into the eyes of the fallen angel. Through her own blurred vision, she could clearly read the anger and hatred in those eyes, and though she had never known a greater fear in her entire existence, Monica knew the choice she had to make,
"I will never follow you, Kathleen," She replied, her voice trembling though she put as much strength behind her words as she could muster,
"I would rather die, knowing who I am and who I belong to, than to live forever surrounded by evil and darkness."
"You’re a fool, Monica," Kathleen snarled, releasing the hold she had on the angel,
"Nothing but a fool. Your God has forsaken you and you would rather perish here than to live forever."
"He always gives us what we need, when we need it, Kathleen," Monica replied gently, hoping with all her heart that was still true. There wasn’t a lot the angel did know at that moment, but she was frightened enough to hang onto the truths she had always believed.
"I tried to help you, Monica! You have no one now!" Kathleen paced angrily, trying to understand why Monica would make such a decision.
"There isn’t a sparrow that falls from the tree, that the Father does not know about," Monica replied, her own words soothing her and strengthening her broken spirit,
"He knows I am here, Kathleen. He has not forgotten me and if it is to be His will that I perish here today, then I will do so with a heart full of love for Him who made me."
Kathleen shook her head in disbelief as she looked at Monica. Though the angel’s face was tear streaked, there was a peace there that Kathleen could never understand,
"This is your last chance, Monica. Are you going to live or are you going to die?"
Monica felt the fear well up inside of her once more as she began to tremble. But before the fear could get the better of her, the words to a song she had heard Tess sing on many different occasions gently entered into her mind, almost as if her supervisor was speaking to her soul. Monica swallowed hard as she softly began to recite the words,
"As the rain first falls
And then, then it flows away.
First you'll feel and then forget
Then forget your pain.
God's eye is on the sparrow
And sees your darkest night.
You will not be left comfortless
For you are God's delight. "
Kathleen watched in disgust before she turned away and with a wave of her hand to the four dark creatures that surrounded the angel, she said,
"Do it." Before she vanished into the night.
Monica saw Kathleen go and tears began to stream down her cheeks as she watched the ominous creatures approach her. Sobbing, she struggled to say the words to the song that had comforted her moments before,
"Now your heart
It feels like,
Like an open wound.
Once so full of life and joy
Now an empty room. "
She got no further before a sharp blow to her abdomen took her breath away. In desperation, Monica curled herself into a tight ball, trying to do what she could to protect herself. As she struggled to catch her breath, she thought she heard Tess finishing the song in her rich, full, beautiful voice that Monica loved so much,
" God's eye is on the sparrow
And sees your darkest night.
You will not be left comfortless
For you are God's delight. "
"Your will be done, Father," She whispered, her slight frame shaking with fear as she awaited the next blows.
But they didn’t come. Instead she heard cries of pain that were not hers and as she turned her head ever so slightly, she realized that her life would be spared. Andrew’s angelic body covered Monica’s human one as he took the blows for her and though she knew he would not be hurt in angel form, she also knew that he could feel each and every painful, agonizing blow.
Reaching up with one hand, Monica linked her fingers tightly through his. Neither Andrew nor Monica had any idea how long the attack lasted, before they were surrounded by total silence. Andrew rolled off of her, gasping for air, trying to allow the pain to pass.
"Are you alright?" Monica uttered, kneeling beside of him, her hand moving to stroke his blond hair back from his eyes.
Andrew nodded his head and managed a weak smile to reassure her,
"Yeah, I think so. How about you?" His hand reached to cup her chin as he looked into her eyes. There were
many things that he saw there that he didn’t understand and he was suddenly consumed with worry for her.
"Yes, thanks to you," She replied softly, moving to sit down beside of him,
"Did the Father send you to help me?"
Andrew hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to answer her,
"No, Monica, He did not. I couldn’t leave you, I just couldn’t do it."
Monica gazed downwards, her heart breaking at his words,
"Maybe Kathleen was right," She whispered, her lower lip beginning to tremble.
"Right about what?" He asked her, his green eyes flooded with concern.
"That God was leaving me there to die. When you showed up I thought He had sent you to help me, not that you were putting yourself at risk for me. Andrew," She looked up into his eyes as she began to cry,
"What am I going to do? What have I done?"
Andrew pulled her into his arms protectively as he searched his heart and mind for the right words to say to her. He had always known just what to say to calm her fears, but this time was different. He was confused by all that had transpired on this assignment and even more overwhelmed when he considered the fact that it wasn’t over yet.
"Shhh," He whispered to her, his hand stroking her hair,
"I want you to listen to me, alright? I don’t ever want to hear you say that you think Kathleen was right about anything, because you and I both know better. Whatever Kathleen said to you, she said to hurt and confuse you and it sounds to me like she succeeded in doing that."
"No, Andrew," Monica sobbed, her hand gripping his shirt tightly,
"She was right about things…about how I had doubted you and about how I was…doubting the Father…"
Andrew closed his eyes, her painful words touching his sensitive heart deeply,
"But Monica, you’ve been human longer than you ever have been before and that plays into all of this. Humans don’t see things as clearly, even if those humans are usually angels. Did you ever think that maybe God didn’t send me to help you because He knew that I was going to be here, with or without His orders? He knows all things, Monica, and He knew I was going to be here." Gently, he rocked her in his arms, listening as her violent sobs began to turn into quieter weeping.
Monica tried desperately to get a hold of herself, but all the fear of moments before had been released and try as she might, the tears refused to cease,
"Andrew…if I remain human…then I can never go Home…"
Andrew tightened his hold on her as he realized he was as afraid of that possibility as she was,
"We won’t think about that yet, not while we still have a reason to be here. You still need to talk to Stacey before we can even think of going Home." He pulled away to look into her eyes with a gentle smile,
"And beings Tess is going to be furious with us, lets hope we can stay here for awhile."
Despite the situation, Monica laughed, though they both knew that what he had just said held as much truth as it did joke. Neither of them had any idea what would happen to them once they returned Home as both had disobeyed the rules set forth by Tess and the Father.
Slowly, Monica pulled away from him and after a moment, shyly reached up and kissed him on the cheek,
"Thank you," She whispered,
"You always make me feel so safe, Andrew."
He smiled down at her and gently brushed some of the tear-dampened hair away from her face,
"There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Angel Girl. Now, come on, let’s go back to the dorm room and wait and see if Stacey shows up." He got up and then pulled her to her feet. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders protectively, they started the journey back to the main campus.
Chapter 7
Silence prevailed for several moments after Monica had finished talking about that time so long ago. Finally, it was Andrew who broke the silence.
"That was a tough assignment," He remarked softly, not meeting anyone’s eyes,
"One that I don’t like to think about much."
Though uncertain, Monica carefully laid her hand on his knee,
"But I couldn’t have gotten through it without you."
Tess held her breath as she watched Andrew meet his eyes with those of his best friend,
"Monica, I know what it is you are trying to do, but it isn’t going to work. Nothing can change what happened today and my mind is made up about this. I just want to be able to spend some time with the two of you before I make a formal request to God."
"Why are you doing this?" Monica whispered, not moving her hand from where it rested,
"Is it so simple to throw everything away and to not give any thought to all the good things that you’ve done in the past? Is this one mistake so great that you can’t see past it?"
"Yes." He stated flatly, wishing she would just stop this and accept what it was he indeed to do,
"I’ve made mistakes before, but none ever like this and I can’t forgive myself for it-I won’t forgive myself for it. So will you please stop it with this trip down memory lane?"
The sharpness of his voice, caused the younger angel to shrink back as though he had reached out and slapped her. She removed her hand from his knee and briefly turned away, even as Tess watched this interaction with pain in her eyes.
A moment later, the Irish tongued angel rose to her feet, muttering something about needing some air and before either Tess or Andrew could utter a sound, Monica had gone out the front door, closing it softly behind her.
Tess looked at her Angel Boy, her eyes saddened, yet stern,
"You know that she isn’t going to give up on you, Andrew," She hesitated momentarily before adding,
"And I don’t think you really want her to give up."
"That’s where you are wrong, Tess. These memories aren’t going to do me any good, and all they are going to do to the two of you is cause you pain after I’m gone. Can’t you see that?"
"I can see where you may think that, Baby, but try this one on for size. Those memories are what are going to comfort our broken hearts for the rest of eternity if you make this decision. You need to remember to see things from both perspectives, Andrew." Tess managed to keep her voice calm as she spoke the words that were given to her heart,
"And if you think that the harder you push Monica away, the easier it is going to be on you when you make this decision, then you need to think again. You can say all the things you want to hurt her, but she will never look at you with anything but love in her eyes, and you know that as well as I do."
Noticing that Andrew didn’t respond, but knowing he heard every word, Tess leaned back onto the sofa once more. She debated going after Monica, but decided to give the youngest angel the time she seemed to need, knowing that the Father was with her.
****
Monica sat down on the porch swing, rocking gently, trying to soothe her bruised spirit before returning to the warmth of the cabin. She knew she wasn’t alone however, so she decided to speak her heart to the One who loved her unconditionally.
"I don’t know what to do, Father. He’s shutting me out and it’s getting harder and harder to reach him. I can’t believe that this is Your will that he do this, but if it is, then please forgive me when I say that I don’t think I stand to lose him, Father!"
"My beautiful child," The soft words of her creator drifted down to her, causing tears to fill her brown eyes,
"No, this is My will at all. Andrew made a mistake and all he needs to do is to ask for forgiveness and it is his and then I can heal his heart. Don’t give up, My angel, not on Andrew and not in your ability to help him. Remember that even as he says angry words, his heart is full of nothing but love for you and for Tess. You are on the right path, Monica, just continue to follow it."
****
Tess and Andrew both looked up as Monica came quietly back in the door several minutes later. She managed a small smile as she returned to her place by the fireplace, her arms wrapped around herself as she tried to get warm once more. As she gazed at the fire, she felt the afghan, like a peace offering being placed around her shoulders and she turned her head to smile her thanks at Andrew.
"Tess," she began after a moment,
"Do you remember the last time we had a fire in the fireplace?"
Tess smiled, knowing that her baby had spoken to the One who could renew her spirit,
"If you’re talking about that awful time after Kathleen dragged you to the darkness and the Father brought you back, then yes, Miss Wings, I do remember it."
"Kathleen had me convinced that God wouldn’t want an angel who had been where I had been and that you and Andrew would have to eventually leave me. I don’t think I had ever been so afraid, and I was so afraid to tell the two of you my fears…"
(FLASHBACK)
"Baby, I have nowhere to go and I can stand here all day until the truth be told. I love you too much to let this go on the way it has been and if you think you are helping us, then you are sadly mistaken. Now, for the last time, what is going on?"
Tears began to fill Monica’s eyes as she quickly got up and tried to go around Tess, but her supervisor grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her around to face her once more. Monica looked at her pleadingly, before turning her sorrowful eyes to Andrew.
That look went straight to Andrew’s heart,
"Tess, c’mon-."
"Hush, Angel Boy," Tess retorted, never taking her eyes off of Monica,
"What is it, Monica? What is it that has you so afraid? Don’t tell me ‘nothing’ either because we both know better than that. You’re dying inside and I cannot stand to watch it a minute longer. Why can’t you understand that because we love you so much, we can’t watch you do this to yourself any longer?"
Monica lowered her head as she began to cry,
"It isn’t enough." She uttered, feeling trapped,
"Loving me won’t change what happens in the end…"
Tess reached out and placed her hand under her friend’s chin to raise her eyes back to hers. What Tess saw in those tear-filled brown eyes, nearly broke her heart as she felt her own eyes well up as well at her friend’s pain,
"Tell us, baby," She whispered gently.
Monica heard the change in Tess’ voice and the walls she had built up to protect herself began to come crashing down. She saw the tears in Tess’ eyes and the ones falling from Andrews’ and the words she had kept bottled up inside for so long finally were able to be said,
"I can’t bear the thought of losing you both!" She sobbed, heart-brokenly,
"I know that after where I’ve been and what I’ve done, I can’t go Home…God doesn’t want me now and you and Andrew can’t stay with me forever! I know that, but I don’t think I can stand the thought of never seeing you both again!"
Andrew’s head reared back as he heard her words. How could she have carried the burden of that belief alone for so long?
"Is that what you think?" He asked hoarsely, everything now beginning to make sense. Why hadn’t he seen it sooner?
He watched as Monica’s legs gave out from under her and he moved quickly to help Tess catch her and get her over to the sofa. They sat on either side of her as she cried as though her heart would break, leaning against Tess.
Tess wrapped her arms around her tightly, tears racing down her cheeks,
"Oh sweetheart, you are so wrong about this." She said softly, rocking her friend soothingly,
"Do you really believe that God is going to leave you behind?"
"I..I chose to go with Kathleen-." She wept, holding onto Tess desperately.
"No, Monica," Andrew whispered, his hand moving to rub her back,
"You chose to save Stacey. That’s a big difference."
"That’s right," Tess replied warmly, her rich voice calm and soothing,
"And the Father had never been more proud of one of His angels. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, baby. That horrible day, when Kathleen took you to that dark place, who do you think brought you back?"
Monica was crying too hard to answer, but she managed to shake her head, hanging on for dear life to every word Tess was saying.
"It was the Father, baby," Tess whispered with a gentle smile,
"He knew it wasn’t your decision to be there. You just wanted to help a scared young lady and He knew that. Now, it’s time that you knew that too."
"It was never God’s plan to leave you behind, Monica," Andrew continued,
"He brought me to you so that I could bring you here. He wanted Tess and I to be with you in order to help you get better. He knew what you had been through and He was afraid for you and He knows how much Tess and I love you. He knew we would do everything in our power to bring you back to us."
"But I’m still human!" She sobbed weakly, trying to absorb everything that they were telling her,
"If I’m human, I can’t go Home and if I can’t go Home, then I can’t be with you both!"
"Angel Girl," Tess pulled away so she could look into Monica’s tear-filled eyes,
"The most important thing you’ve lost in all of this was your trust in God. You know He is in control, even when it doesn’t feel like He is. You’ve told so many people that message, Monica. How could you forget it yourself?"
"Kathleen," Monica uttered, lowering her eyes in shame,
"She told me that God would never want an angel who had been where I had been. I..I felt so…unclean after this happened that I believed her."
"Kathleen?" Andrew tried to keep the anger from his voice,
"When was she here?"
"She’s been here a lot lately," Monica said softly, trying to bring her tears under control.
"Why didn’t you tell us, baby?" Tess asked, her own eyes holding a touch of anger for the dark angel who had caused her friend so much pain.
She shook her head helplessly, not knowing the answer herself,
"Maybe I thought she was part of my punishment for what I had done and she was only one who knew how afraid I was of losing you both."
"You figured you didn’t deserve any better." Andrew concluded, remembering things Monica had said to him.
She nodded her head sadly,
"All I could think about was waking up one morning and finding you both gone," She whispered, her voice trembling,
"And the only thing that kept me going was the thought that at the end of my life as a human, that maybe you would be there waiting for me, Andrew…to take me Home."
Tears spilled onto Andrew’s cheeks at her words as he pulled her into his arms and cried with her,
"That is never going to happen, honey. When you go Home, it will be with Tess and I, as the angel that you are. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, that you thought we would ever leave you. And I’m sorry for my part in all of this, back when it started and for leaving you that night in Stacey’s dorm room. I’ve learned that a minute is all it takes for a life to change completely. I’m just so glad that so often, God gives us another chance to make it right again."
Monica held him tightly as for the first time in such a long time, she believed that all would be right again,
"I love you, Andrew and you too, Tess. You both are so near and dear to my heart and that is why it hurt so much to imagine being without you both. I think that two of the most important parts of me would go with you because you are both so much a part of who I am."
Tess smiled as she reached over to lay her hand on Monica’s cheek, and her eyes, so full of love, looked up towards the heavens,
"I know your work here is not yet complete, Father, but now, let the healing begin."
Chapter 8
Silence prevailed once more in the room as the words Monica had just repeated now echoed through her mind.
‘but I don’t think I can stand the thought of never seeing you both again! I think that two of the most important parts of me would go with you because you are both so much a part of who I am.’
Tears filled her eyes once more as she realized just how true those words were today, in this moment. She couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing Andrew again and he and Tess were still such important parts of her, even though it had been ten years since she had seen them. She carried them with her in her heart, each and every day, knowing deep down inside that eventually, she would be with them once again. Now, to even think about never seeing her best friend again, tore at her gentle heart and made her want to break down and weep with the finality of that thought.
"Baby?" Tess said softly, noting that Monica had not turned around to face either of them once she had finished speaking.
Monica heard her friend call to her, but didn’t trust herself enough to speak at that moment to answer. She managed to nod her head in acknowledgment as the flames blurred before her tear-filled eyes, wishing she could fling herself into Andrew’s arms and beg him not to do this.
Andrew shifted uncomfortably in his chair, knowing what his friend was thinking. He knew her too well and he could sense the internal struggle going on inside of her at that moment.
"Angel Girl," He uttered softly, wanting to bring her back to the present moment, but as she turned to face him, his face paled at the sight of her tears, her eyes holding the deepest anguish he had ever seen in them.
"Please Andrew," She uttered, no longer able to contain her grief and fear over losing him,
"Don’t do this…please don’t do this…"
Wishing he didn’t have to tell his best friend what he was about to tell her, Andrew drew in a deep breath as he lowered his head to his lap, clenching and unclenching his hands before speaking,
"You don’t understand, Monica," he whispered softly, yet sadly. "I’m sorry, but you both don’t understand…I’ve already told you that I’ve made up my mind – "
"Well, CHANGE your mind!" Monica brokenly cried to her dearest friend, finally rising to her shaking feet and making her way over to her fellow angel and kneeling down in front of him, laying her hands on top of his knees as she did so.
"Andrew…Did you even pay attention to what I was talking about a second ago??" She whispered desperately, tears trailing down her gentle, yet anguished-looking face,
"You promised that you wouldn’t leave me, Andy! Please, my friend – "
Sucking in a shaky breath as tears trickled from his own swollen, green eyes, Andrew closed his eyes before responding to Monica’s plea to him,
"Monica, that was years ago…believe me, you don’t need me any longer; you’ve come along nicely and it’s about time we all went along with our lives! And, I’m sorry, but you two will have to survive without me!"
With that, the heartbroken angel pushed himself away from the Irish angel’s gentle touch and quickly rose to his feet, nearly knocking Monica over. Raising his shaking voice one final time, Andrew ignored the rain of tears on his face as he cried out,
"Now, please, just leave me alone! I don’t want to have to ask you again!"
Totally and completely ignoring his two best friends behind him, the angel in human form tore from the living room and back upstairs to his room, sobs tearing through him as he ran.
*********************************************************************************************
Chapter 9
Tess watched through her tears as Andrew disappeared up the stairs and Monica rose shakily to her feet and started after him.
"Baby, maybe we should leave him alone for a little while, don’t you think?" She was concerned for both of her friends right now. Andrew was hurting and in the process he stood to hurt Monica even more than she was hurting already, and it was becoming increasingly more agonizing for Tess to watch.
Monica stopped on the second step and turned her tear-streaked face to Tess, a small, sad smile on her lips,
"That’s the problem, Tess," She whispered,
"I can’t."
With that, the Irish tongued angel hurried back up the steps. She didn’t bother to knock this time, figuring she wouldn’t be invited in and she didn’t plan on leaving him with a choice. She watched as Andrew looked up at her, but before he could speak, she silenced him with her own words.
"No, it’s your turn to listen for a change," She began shakily as she walked over and stood in front of where he sat on the bed. She could see anger in his tear filled eyes, but she refused to be silenced by him yet again,
"You act like this decision affects no one but yourself, but you are sadly mistaken if that is what you think. It affects me, it affects Tess, it affects God and it affects the millions of humans out there that you have yet to help. So you made a mistake, Andrew. We all make them! Only the Father is perfect, my friend, or have you forgotten?"
"Of course I haven’t forgotten," Andrew snapped back bitterly, his icy cold green eyes burning into hers,
"But I directly went against what it was I was supposed to do out of anger at an elderly woman and she died, maybe without knowing God! That is a mistake I can’t live with, even if you can!"
"Will you stop feeling so sorry for yourself!" Monica cried out,
"No one is asking you to ‘live with it’. We’re asking you to give it up to God, the One who can heal your heart. But it’s like you don’t want that to happen! You keep pushing us away and by doing that, you push God farther away! Don’t you see what you’re doing, Andrew?"
"Why can’t you just stay out of what doesn’t concern you, Monica?" He spat at her,
"I’m handling this just fine without your so called ‘help’."
A short laugh escaped her lips as she shook her auburn head,
"Oh really? Well, you could have fooled me, Andrew, because it seems to me that you aren’t ‘handling’ anything! You’re giving up is closer to the truth, don’t you think? You made a mistake and instead of talking to us, or asking God’s forgiveness for it, you’re just giving up, which as far as I’m concerned is the easy way out. Instead of facing up to what it is you did, you’re just making a hasty retreat and that is wrong, Andrew! Why can you not see that?"
"Maybe because I’m not the Angel of Truth," He replied angrily, rising to face her,
"You seem to have all the answers, Angel Girl, so why don’t you tell me why I walked away from that woman, huh? Why don’t you tell me why both she and that baby had to die? It was like failing as an Angel of Death all over again, but then you wouldn’t know anything about that now, would you? No, you wouldn’t! So why don’t you just go on back to your Caseworker and leave me alone! Unless of course, you’re here because you’re afraid you’re going to chase her away like you did Denise!"
Though he had aimed to hurt her, as soon as the words had escaped his lips, he wanted to take them back. Andrew watched as the tears his words had caused filled her brown eyes, and he lowered his head in shame.
Monica starred at him, her entire body trembling at what he had just said to her as her vision blurred,
"You don’t mean that." She whispered, her voice catching in a sob.
His own eyes tear filled, he looked back to the pain he had caused,
"No," He uttered, unsure of what else to say and still not being able to believe he had lashed out at her like that,
"Why can’t you just leave this alone, Monica?"
Her tears brimming in her dark eyes and falling onto her cheeks, she looked at him helplessly,
"Because I love you too much, Andrew….I just love you so much…"
Partly to comfort her, but more to fulfill a need within himself, Andrew drew her up tightly in his arms and held her close to him as she dissolved into tears,
"I’m sorry, baby," He whispered, holding her as tightly as he dared,
"I’m so terribly sorry. I didn’t mean it and I didn’t mean to hurt you."
"I just want to be able to talk to you again." Monica wept miserably, her forehead resting against his chest,
"I just want to be able to talk to you the way I’ve always been able to talk to you, without you shutting me out. I’ve spent the last ten years missing you so badly and now it’s like there is this wall between us and you won’t let me break it down, and that hurts, Andrew."
"Shhh," He soothed, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat over her words,
"Maybe I’m thinking that if I push you far enough away, then this decision will be easier for me, but I don’t want to hurt you, Angel Girl. That’s the last thing I want to do."
"I don’t want this decision to be easy for you," Came the muffled reply, as she struggled to get her emotions under control.
Pulling away, he took her face gently into his hands, searching her eyes as if looking for an answer he longed to find,
"No," He whispered sadly,
"It isn’t easy at all, in fact, you are making it the hardest decision I’ve ever made."
"Good." She replied with a shaky smile, as she looked into his eyes.
"But, Monica, I still feel so strongly about this…" His voice trailed off as he looked away.
Not willing to allow the wall to go back up as soon as she had removed a few of the bricks, she reached up and touched his cheek, forcing him to look at her again,
"Please talk to me, Andrew. No matter how bad things ever got, we could always talk things through. Remember the cabin? Remember how we were both so afraid of what stunt Kathleen would pull next? But we never quit talking it through, Andrew, remember? We knew that our friendship was stronger than Kathleen’s worst…"
(FLASHBACK)
"Andrew?"
He jumped, startled, as he turned to see Monica. He hadn’t even heard her come out the door as he had been so consumed in his own thoughts. Recovering, he smiled gently at her. She had showered and dressed, and had an afghan wrapped around her as well. The color was beginning to return to her face and the dark circles of illness that had been under her eyes seemed less obtrusive.
"You probably shouldn’t be out here," He said softly, his eyes flickering with his concern for her.
"I know, but I was worried about you. What are you doing out here all by yourself?" The Irish lilt was soft as her brown eyes looked up at him curiously.
"I was just thinking," Andrew replied, setting his cup down on the railing of the porch and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. There was silence between the two friends for a moment before he continued,
"Can I ask you something?"
"You know the answer to that," She replied, moving nearer to him when he didn’t turn to face her.
He nodded his head, his eyes still focused on the snow-covered trees,
"How do you feel about Kathleen?"
Monica drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to sum up in her mind what this was all about,
"I don’t hate her, if that is what you are asking, Andrew. She was my best friend once, so we have a history together."
"Even after all she has done to you, Monica?" He turned to face her then, his expression that of one who was trying desperately to understand.
"Yes, especially after all of that. I feel sorry for her, knowing where she is and whom it is she is following and I cannot believe in my heart that she can possibly be happy," She sighed softly,
"Regardless of what she has done in the past, the fact that at one time we were friends, serving God together is so much stronger than all the wrong she has done. A part of me will always love her, Andrew."
"You said something last night about knowing what it was you needed to do. What did you mean by that?" His green eyes searched hers, hoping she would give him the answers he needed.
Monica looked surprised as she didn’t remember saying anything aloud, but apparently she had. She remembered the dream, if that’s what it was, and more importantly, the understanding that had come with it,
"Andrew, I…" Her voice trailed off, not knowing what to say or how much she should reveal to him yet.
"What is it, sweetie? Please tell me."
"It’s just a feeling I had, is all. This isn’t over and what is yet to come is going to be hard, for both of us. I don’t know that for sure-I haven’t been told, but it’s just a feeling I have; a strong feeling," She swallowed hard, trying to rid herself of the lump that had formed in her throat so he wouldn’t know just how frightened she was,
"We just need to remember that next to God’s love, nothing on this earth is stronger than friendship, Andrew."
Andrew watched her worriedly, knowing her well enough to know that she was battling her emotions right now,
"Our friendship, or your friendship with Kathleen?" He asked softly, moving to place his hands reassuringly on her shoulders.
"I’m not sure-both maybe." She looked away for a moment, her eyes brimming with tears, which she blinked back, knowing she would have to stay strong in the days to come. When she looked back to him, her eyes were dry, though her voice trembled with emotion,
"I do know this-I am not going to lose you."
Andrew pulled her into his arms for a moment, his heart racing. There was still so much he didn’t understand, but he wasn’t sure Monica had all the answers either,
"You won’t," He whispered softly to her, holding her as tightly as he dared, as if afraid to let her go.
Chapter 10
Monica watched as she finished speaking as Andrew slumped back down on the bed heavily, taking deep breaths to try to calm himself down. Her friend refused to look in her direction as he slowly lowered his head into his hands as the words that Monica had just finished speaking flowed through his brain. The angel didn’t want to remember these memories that had happened so many long years ago…but he did anyhow, against his will and wanting to remember it.
Watching her best friend’s reactions to the memories, Monica gave a small sigh as she sat down on the bed beside Andrew, gently rubbing his back with her hand, while speaking softly to him,
"Remember how we said that our friendship was strong enough to overcome anything? Even Kathleen, Andrew?"
Nodding stiffly, the older angel kept his eyes turned away from Monica’s brown ones as he spoke slowly,
"Of course I remember, Monica…But – "
"No "buts", my friend," Monica interrupted, reaching her hand out hesitantly and taking his cheek into the palm of her hand, forcing him to look in her direction,
"No "buts". You do remember. You just said so yourself and I can see it in you that you know it’s true – "
"Monica, I never wanted to remember that…" the Search and Rescue angel pleaded desperately as he ran his fingers through his tangled, blonde hair,
"Why did you make me remember that one? Especially that one…"
Moving her arm till it was wrapped around his shoulders, which were still stiff, Monica leaned closer and whispered into his ear softly,
"I wanted you to remember it because I want you also to remember and to know how much of a great friend you are. To both Tess and I…and also the many humans you’ve helped in the past – "
"Well, I surely didn’t help Sally this afternoon, did I, Monica?" he suddenly spat out sarcastically, raising his tired, green eyes to the bedroom ceiling and sighing loudly,
"And I SURELY didn’t help that child – "
"Andrew. Stop," Monica interrupted firmly, yet gently, as she raised her hands and brought them up to her best friend’s face and cupping his chin into her trembling hands,
"Stop there for a minute, okay, my friend? I’m not through yet and I think you do know that. You do know that you’re a great friend to all of us; you HAVE helped people…and I remember this one time in particular when you helped a teenager who happened to be a good friend of yours…a teenager, who after helping you from turning away from God’s Love, started blaming her own self for her actions…and then you ended up helping her all over again…Remember, my friend? Remember Erin…"
(FLASHBACK)
"You think I blame you?" Andrew asked her, although he already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear it out of her own mouth and nobody else’s. Waiting patiently for a response, and not receiving any, he let out a quiet sigh and looked at her. His answer was written all over her face; there was no need for her to say anything.
"Erin…I honestly can’t believe that you think I came here to yell at you and tell you I blame you," he choked out, feeling a few wet tears on his cheeks again. Shaking his head and squeezing her hand, he continued,
"I’m telling you the truth when I tell you that I DON’T blame you. And this was NOT your fault. It wasn’t…"
The angel stopped talking as he looked at the teenager in front of him. Her head was down and she was shaking, as if she wanted to believe that she wasn’t to blame, but still feeling that false guilt. Andrew gazed at her sadly and continued.
"Erin, if I had chosen to turn over the other day…you have to believe that that would have been my choice…and my choice alone. You wouldn’t have had anything to do with it if it had happened. It was all Monique and Andre and you know it." He paused and forced her to look at him,
"I know you think it was your responsibility to keep an eye on me that night, but…leaving the room DOES NOT make it your fault. I don’t blame you one bit. Katherine doesn’t blame you. Monica and Tess don’t blame you, and…God doesn’t blame you."
Noticing that she was listening and hanging onto his every word, he drew in a deep, shaky breath, ignoring the few tears on his face.
"I came here because I wanted to thank you for what you did that night," he whispered,
"Thank you and tell you that I admire your courage. You didn’t have to do it, you know? But you did, my friend. And – and I will ALWAYS be grateful to you for everything. From the day you found me in that alley to the confrontation with Monique. I’ll always think of you as a friend, Erin. Thank you so much."
Erin listened intently as her friend spoke, tears soaking her face. Her lower lip trembled violently as she stared into those friendly, green eyes. He thinks of me as a friend, too, she thought, the tears coming faster. He – he’s not really mad at me…God’s not mad at me…that means that I did something RIGHT after all??
Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she thought of the angel’s kind words to her. She still couldn’t believe how forgiving he was to her…and so many others. She opened her tear-filled, blue-green eyes again and immediately leaned forward in her chair, throwing her arms around her friend’s neck, burying her wet face in his jacket. She held onto the angel tighter as she felt him hug her back, his hand stroking her hair lovingly. Even as she hugged him, she felt his own body trembling a bit in her arms, himself sobbing quietly.
The teenager stayed close to her friend for several minutes, neither angel nor human saying a word, before Erin opened her mouth, her words quiet and strained.
"Will – will I ever see you again, Andrew?" she asked, hugging him tighter, not wanting to let him go.
She felt Andrew not his head as he answered,
"I think you will, Erin. I think you will…"
(END OF FLASHBACK)
*****************************************************************************************
Chapter 11
Andrew starred into Monica’s eyes as she finished speaking about Erin. He felt a tug at his heart as he remembered the teenage girl who had helped during that horrible time. But even more than that, his mind whirled with that whole horrible time in his existence; remembering how he had nearly turned away from God’s light, had Erin, Monica and Adam not pulled him back.
Is that what he was doing this time as well? Was Monica right and he was just running away, trying to rid his mind of the awful memories of this afternoon, before they destroyed him? But how could he face the Father again after what had happened today?
Monica saw the confusion in his eyes and her heart raced frantically. His eyes held so much pain and exhaustion, that she had to force back tears for him. Instead, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, relieved when she felt him hold her just as tightly.
"Oh Monica," He breathed softly, his voice laden with the fatigue he was feeling,
"I don’t know what the answers are any more."
Monica hardly dared to breath for a moment, as her heart soared. Though he was far from the truth and the right answers, the determination to give up his angelic status was not currently present in his voice and that was a start, regardless of how small.
"You will, Andrew. I promise you, you will. Just give yourself time right now," She stopped, not wanting to push him.
Andrew held her tightly for a few more moments, before pulling away, his lips lightly brushing her forehead,
"Thank you for being here, Angel Girl," He whispered softly and then after a moment added,
""I really am sorry about what I said about Denise…I didn’t mean it, sweetie…"
"Shhh," Monica silenced him, taking his hands into her own,
"I know that, Andrew. It’s already forgotten."
Andrew nodded his head as he squeezed her hand tightly, thankful for her gentle presence, even though he had tried to push her away just moments ago. She had made it abundantly clear that she was not going anywhere, and deep down inside, he knew he was blessed.
"What do you say we go back downstairs and I’ll make us some coffee?" Monica smiled hopefully at him, knowing Tess must be worried out of her mind, but the Irish-tongued angel was not willing to leave Andrew up here alone.
He mustered a tired smile, that seemed so sad despite his efforts,
"Sure, Angel Girl. That sounds like a plan."
Relieved, Monica rose to her feet and then extended her hand to her friend, giving him an encouraging smile as their eyes met.
Tess looked up when she heard footsteps on the stairs and she was relieved to see her two Angel Babies descending. From one look at them, she could tell that there had been tears shed, but now there was no mistaking the calmer look in Monica’s gentle features and even Andrew didn’t seem quite as tense, though there was a great deal of pain still present in his expression. Tess smiled at them both as she offered up a prayer of thanks to the Father for allowing her to have Monica’s help in all of this. She knew that there was nowhere else her Angel Girl would be if Andrew or herself needed her, but she was grateful, just the same. She watched the way Andrew clutched her hand tightly as if so unsure of himself right now and it tore at Tess’ heart.
"Tess, I was going to fix some coffee. Would you like a cup?" Monica asked, giving Andrew’s hand a final squeeze as he moved to throw another log on the fire.
"That would be wonderful, baby," Tess replied, getting up to help Andrew. Once he had sat back down, she ran a hand through his rumpled blond hair,
"You look tired, Angel Boy," She said softly.
"I feel tired," He replied, managing a smile for her.
"Coffee is brewing," Monica stated as she came back into the living room and resumed her position temporarily on the stool in front of Andrew,
"Andrew and I were just talking about Erin, Tess," She added, moving to rest her hand protectively on Andrew’s knee as her eyes met with Tess’ knowing brown ones.
"Oh yes, I remember Erin! That sweet little teenager who helped you out of a tough spot, because you had helped her out of one once." She watched as Andrew’s green eyes flickered with uncertainty, before she continued,
"You tend to bring that out in people, Angel Boy. You help someone and given half a chance, they want to return that favor. Remember Molly Avery? You helped her after her husband died, and then years later when your plane was hijacked, she helped you out of a pretty tight spot…"
(FLASHBACK)
"Hey," she softly greeted him, looking him over. "How you doing?"
"I'm doing all right," he answered. "Better than how I would have been doing if you hadn't..." his voice trailed off as he looked down at her hand holding his. "You know."
"You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you, my friend," Molly choked out, looking into his eyes. "I know you're an angel and all, but...when Jack first threatened to shoot us, I was kind of confused as to why you didn't all of a sudden disappear. But-" her choked up voice trailed off and she shook her head. Andrew remained silent, waiting for her to continue,
"But, all of a sudden, I remembered what you told me the last time I saw you. You know, the whole "human form" thing...I totally freaked out, Andrew. I then realized, angel or no angel, something serious could happen to you-or all of us-if I didn't do something. Let me tell you, though, I DID NOT enjoy kissing that slime ball. Not for a second," she chuckled softly, thinking back to that "kiss", if you wanted to call it that...
Andrew let out a quiet chuckle with her and his expression turned serious once again, tears of emotion falling down his badly bruised face.
"Well...I really appreciate what you did, Molly. I wanted you to know it meant a lot to me...I'm just sorry I couldn’t help you, you know? I wanted to-so badly-" his voice caught in his throat and he squeezed his friend's hand.
"Andrew-you have nothing to be sorry for. You don't! The situation you were in-" she shook her head. "Anyways, you DID help me. Just by being your usual calm self. Like always." She smiled at him tiredly and he returned it with one of his own.
"So...what happened with Jack?" Andrew asked.
Molly sighed. "He's in jail right now. Right after the gun went off-the police barged in and he was arrested. The trial is set in two weeks," she said in her most quiet voice.
Andrew nodded understandingly, no longer feeling any more anger toward that guy. It always amazed him how God could take such anger that he had felt and make it go away and replace it with happiness and thankfulness. He looked up at Molly, tears forming again in his eyes, and opened his mouth.
"Thank you," he said from the bottom of his heart. "Thank you so much, my friend. I'll never forget what you did for me." His voice broke off and he reached out once again to Molly with his left arm, just as he'd done earlier with Monica.
Molly wrapped her arms gently around him and rested her head on his uninjured shoulder. She still couldn't believe everything that had occurred in just a short amount of time, but she was also happy to finally be reunited with her friend and angel, even in such an odd way. She smiled slightly and closed her eyes. Thank You, God, she silently prayed. Thank You so much for protecting us and keeping us safe from any serious danger. Thank You for such neat friends-and for finally bringing us back together again...
Molly felt herself becoming incredibly tired and felt her body go limp against Andrew's. He had closed his weary eyes as well, and was now fast asleep.
Chapter 12
"I don’t know how I could’ve forgotten Molly Avery," Andrew whispered, hesitantly breaking the silence after Monica had finished speaking. Turning his still sad, green eyes over to where his best friend still sat in front of him, a gentle hand resting on his knee, Andrew quickly averted his gaze, though, and faced the crackling fire instead.
"I don’t know how I could have forgotten the hijacking, PERIOD," he finished, laying his weary head back against the recliner he sat in, his eyes still on the fire before the three angels. Letting out a soft sigh at the feel of Tess’ gentle hand on his, he reluctantly turned his sad, green eyes back to his former supervisor, meeting her gaze,
"It may have been over 10 years since that incident, Angel Boy, but I know for a fact that Molly hasn’t forgotten you," the older angel replied lovingly, curling her hand around her old friend’s and squeezing it gently,
"Andrew, over the years the three of us have been separated, and ever since the Father promoted me to an Angel’s Angel, I’ve run into Molly and her son, Jimmy, more than once. Baby, she’s doing very well and thinks of you all the time…You’ve always been a great friend to her, Angel Boy…"
"And all of us, Andrew," Monica piped up again, squeezing Andrew’s knee,
"And so many other human beings…"
"Angel Girl is right, Baby," Tess continued, releasing her "Angel Boy’s" trembling hand and raising it to wipe away the few tears on his pale cheeks,
"Remember the Titanic, Andrew? If you weren’t loved so much, then why would Monica jump out of a lifeboat with the rest of us and back onto a sinking ship so that she wouldn’t have to leave you alone…"
(FLASHBACK)
"Step aboard, miss!" Lightoller’s strong voice breaking into her thoughts of how to stay with Andrew, Monica all of a sudden felt herself being pulled away from him. The feel of the officer’s strong arms grasp her around the waist and drag her over to the lifeboat, Monica tried helplessly to struggle against his grasp, but found it useless.
Glancing over her shoulder at Andrew’s tear-filled eyes, the Irish angel felt her entire body break down as she was forced to sit down. As soon as she neared the back of the boat beside Tess, the young caseworker felt her supervisor’s hand tightly grasp her arm to keep her from getting out. Shooting a shocked look over at her older friend, Monica gazed back up at Andrew just as the officer grabbed Rose and roughly pulled her away from Jack’s arms.
Tears flooding her brown eyes like never before, Monica watched helplessly as Rose, who was also struggling with the officer to free herself, was pushed into the lifeboat to sit down beside her. Her eyes still glued on those of her best friend, standing beside Jack, Monica’s heart shattered into tiny pieces as she realized the full situation of this…
She was being separated from Andrew, her best friend…on a sinking ship…and who knew WHEN the officers would allow the men to get into the lifeboats!!
How COULD they?? Monica cried in anguish to herself as she felt more tears wet her cheeks like rain. How could those officers be so sexist and refuse the men to get in, too?! Oh, Andrew…I can’t leave you…
"And lower away!!"
The shout of the officer’s voice breaking into her anguish thoughts of despair, Monica turned her gaze over to the officer on the dock as he waved his arms, instructing the full lifeboat to be lowered to the freezing water…and away from the sinking Titanic…
Turning her eyes from the officer on the deck to the ropes lowering the lifeboat and then Rose’s tear-stained face as she stared up at Jack, Monica turned her own eyes over to Andrew’s sad face. As she watched, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as the boat continued to lower down the side of the ship.
Watching as her best friend’s lower lip began quivering slightly at the thought of this separation and Jack’s arm going around Andrew’s shoulders for some comfort, Monica watched closely as tears streamed down both of their faces as the distance between the foursome became an even longer stretch…
Oh God…I can’t do this! I just can NOT do this…I can’t leave Andrew! Not now! Monica screamed up above, looking down at her feet and then quickly back up at Rose, before turning her eyes over to her best friend again.
Suddenly, before she even realized what she was doing, the human angel was pulling herself free from Tess’ firm grip on her arm and rushing forward to the edge of the slightly rocky lifeboat. Trying her hardest to push her way through the passengers on the boat, she ignored Tess’ strong, desperate voice to try and stop her.
"Monica! Don’t, Baby! Someone…Stop her!"
But, finding a strength she never knew she had in her, Monica continued to push her way forward and throw herself out of the lifeboat…and grabbed hold of the edge of the ship, her feet dangling over the edge. Hearing Rose’s voice call out to let her go, too, Monica felt a pair of strong arms grab her and pull her back into the sinking ship. Right before she felt herself landing back onto the ship, she turned around quickly only to find Rose being held back by Tess and another Steerage passenger. Tears streamed down the angel’s face as she turned away from her assignment and felt her body landing with a thud on the lower deck of the ship.
Upon watching as his friend jumped out of the boat, Andrew’s green eyes widened with shock as he screamed out Monica’s name, hoping to stop her somehow…
"Monica! Monica, what are you doing?!!" he screamed down to her, the tears flooding his eyes once more as he watched as she was pulled back into the ship and, before anyone else could do anything, darted away down the deck towards the Grand Staircase.
Jack’s voice shouting down to Rose to stay put, Andrew rushed off to the nearest entrance to the Grand Staircase, his heart pounding loudly. Pushing his way through the large crowded gathered around the main deck, the Angel of Death kept his eyes on only one things: Getting to Monica; holding her to himself…and find out the answer to why she did what she did…
*****
Racing past officers and curious passengers, Monica tore down the deck as she kept her teary, brown eyes on the Grand Staircase entrance. She had to get to Andrew now! She just wasn’t going to leave the best friend she ever had by himself on this ship…
Oh, Andrew…I had to do this! I just had to, my friend…I love you so much I can’t leave without you…
Sobs tearing through her as she shoved her way to "A Deck", Monica looked above and watched as Andrew’s figure ran through the swinging doors and looked around for her. Sensing her gaze, the human angel ran as fast as his feet would allow down the staircase towards his friend.
As soon as the space between them had closed, Monica threw herself into her best friend’s strong arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, almost afraid to let him go ever again. Sobbing her heart out, the angel was unable to speak for several seconds as Andrew held her, sobbing himself.
"Monica…Why did you do that?? Huh? Baby, WHY?! Oh, Monica…" the angel uttered as he only held his friend tighter than he had ever held her. Burying his face in her curly, auburn hair, Andrew felt his body shaking once again as he suddenly thought about his best friend’s actions just now. She could have been injured as she jumped out of that boat!
"Andrew…" Monica choked out as she only continued to sob,
"Andrew…I couldn’t leave you…I just couldn’t…"
Gently pulling back a bit to look into her slightly pink face from her tears, Andrew brushed the wetness away as much as he could and brought his hands up to her hair and stroked it with his hands.
"Sweetheart…You—you did this for me?" he sobbed as tears flooded his eyes once more. Watching Monica nod her head, Andrew only pulled her tighter into his arms, his heart touched so deeply that his friend cared and loved him so much to be willing to jump out of a lifeboat and back onto a sinking ship to be with him…and him alone…
"Oh, Monica…" the angel gasped out, not sure if he would be able to speak as he held Monica only tighter. Burying his face deeper into her shoulder, the two angels only continued to hold one another at the bottom of the Grand Staircase, each one’s thoughts now only on how to get off of this ship together…
Not even the sinking of the largest ship in the world would separate them; whatever they would go through in the coming hours of the dark night, they would go through it together.
(END OF FLASHBACK)
Chapter 13
Tess shook her curly head after she finished retelling the story that had occurred the night Titanic had faltered,
"I still can’t believe that the angel who was more terrified of water than any angel I had ever encountered leapt out of that lifeboat and back on board a sinking ship," She remarked, a small smile playing on her lips.
Monica looked up into Andrew’s teary eyes and smiled,
"Well, it was for a good reason-the best I can think of." She replied, even though her actions that night still amazed her a little bit, but the lesson she had learned in that moment was that love and friendship could conquer all fear and she knew that given the chance to do it all again, she wouldn’t have changed a thing.
Unable to help himself, Andrew reached for the hand that was rested on his knee and gave it a good squeeze as their eyes met for a moment, though he remained silent. That memory was one that was near and dear to his heart and he didn’t trust himself to speak just yet.
"I just couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again," Monica remarked, looking again over at Tess,
"Even though I knew deep inside that the Father would keep us all safe, at that moment, I was too human and too frightened to not know what would happen to my best friend."
Falling silent for a moment, the young angel’s mind turned back to another time when she had been faced with the idea of not seeing Andrew again, and the memories caused tears to glisten in her eyes.
"What are you thinking about?" Andrew whispered, breaking the silence, his hand still holding onto hers.
She managed a small smile as she drew in a shaky breath,
"The night I received my promotion. The same night you told me you were moving to Search and Rescue…"
(FLASHBACK)
I'm sorry, Monica," Andrew's voice grew more quiet and a bit shaky as he tightened his hold on his friend's hands.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart...but I have to move positions...I just do..."
Feeling her body start to shake uncontrollably and the tears of sadness once more filling her brown eyes, Monica, without uttering a single word, threw her arms around her best friend's neck, holding onto him for dear life...as if she let him go, the angel would suddenly disappear and leave her. For good.
Sobbing her eyes out, Monica tightly gripped Andrew's shirt with her hands and buried her tear-stained face deep into his soft shoulder. The Irish angel let out one more pained cry as she felt Andrew's arms embrace her tightly back as he planted tiny kisses on her head, cheeks and forehead, himself starting to sob even more.
"Andrew..." Monica gasped out, glancing up to the Heavens, her tears falling freely,
"Andrew...no...no, don't leave me...please don't leave us...no..."
Unable to get any more words out, the angel shut her mouth and only continued to sob her heart out for her dear friend...the friend she would lose for certain after tonight...
"Monica...everything will be okay," the Angel of Death tried his hardest to promise as he shakily stroked Monica's waist-length, auburn hair with incredibly loving hands.
"I'm sure we'll all be okay...the changes that will take place in our lives will take some getting used to, but...we'll eventually get used to it. I'm sure, honey..."
"Andrew..." Monica quietly continued, hurt tugging at her heart,
"How--how could you leave me?? How could you leave me...I'm going to lose you tonight..."
"Monica...Angel Girl, listen to me..." the blonde Angel of Death gently pulled out of his friend's arms to look directly into her teary, brown eyes.
"Things will change, yes. But, sweetie, listen...I'm sure I'll see you again. I don't know WHEN or for how long that time with you will be, but I'll make sure of it that today will NOT be my last time I'll ever see you for the rest of eternity. You and Tess are part of my life...and I'll always love you, no matter how far apart we are. That's the truth, Angel Girl..."
Feeling her tears start up again, Monica threw herself into her best friend's loving embrace once more, wishing she would never have to let him go...let him go and watch him slowly say 'goodbye' to her...
"Andrew...I love you," Monica softly, quietly uttered, holding onto her friend's neck tightly. "I love you..."
"I love you, too, Angel Girl," Andrew sobbed, his heart starting to break for his friend and her heart-wrenching sobs. "I love you, too. You know I always will..."
(END OF FLASHBACK)
Tess watched as Monica turned back to the fire, wanting to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes, and she could see them glistening in Andrew’s as well. She said a silent prayer that maybe this plan of her Angel Girl’s was working on Andrew’s heart and that soon he would see that giving up his status was not the answer to what had happened earlier today.
"You know," Monica whispered, trying to keep her voice from trembling,
"You told me that night that we’d get used to the changes, but you know what? I never did. As much as I enjoy supervising, to not have both of you with me…that is something that I’ll never get used to." Turning back to face her friend and trying to force back tears, she continued,
"And if you do this thing, I’ll never get used to that either. The years we spend apart, you and Tess are my first thought every morning, and my last thought as the sun sets and even though the Father reassures me that you are both safe, there is still this emptiness inside of me for not being able to see you both, and to talk to you…even though I carry your love in my heart, it isn’t the same as being there…"
"Monica, please…" Andrew pleaded in a whisper, her words touching him deeply as he had felt the same way over the years.
But the auburn haired angel shook her head,
"I just need to say this, Andrew. I just want you both to know how much I miss you each day we are not together and how each day, I hope that it is the day that God chooses to reunited us, if only briefly. I guess I just never thought that after 15 years, it would still hurt so much to be without you both."
Tess rose from her seat and approached her two babies, both of them now having tears on their cheeks,
"I think we both understand what you are saying, baby," She said softly,
"And I thank the Father each time we are brought back together again, if only for a short while."
Andrew cleared his throat, trying to get hold of his emotions once more,
"I do love you both so much. I want you both to know that, regardless of what my decision is, that I do love you both."
As silence fell over the room once more, Monica lowered her head, offering up a silent, desperate prayer,
"Please Father, don’t let him do this. Please, don’t let him do this."
Chapter 14
"…Well, you two, it looks to me like it’s time for this old angel to go to bed, or else she’ll never get up in the morning," Tess half-joked as she stood up from where she knelt on the floor beside Andrew and Monica and stretched her arms over her head,
"I’ll see you two in the morning, okay, Babies?"
Leaning over Monica, she gently wrapped her arms around her former charges shoulders and gave her a tight embrace while whispering in her ear,
"I also feel I should let you two be alone for a while, too, Angel Girl," She softly said as she kissed the side of her "Angel Girl’s" head before pulling back and looking into Monica’s brown eyes. Seeing her understanding, both she and the Irish angel nodded, a few tears still brimming in both their eyes from earlier.
Turning over to her sweet "Angel Boy", Tess, without saying a word for now, moved over to where he still sat and tightly wrapped her arms around him in turn, hugging him tightly to herself, while whispering in his own ear,
"Don’t forget how much we love you, Angel Baby. Please, don’t forget it. I’ll be seeing you in the morning and we can talk more about this if you want to, honey." Feeling her former charges’ head nod in return, and a tight squeeze back, Tess gently pulled back to lay a soft kiss on top of his forehead and give his arm one last squeeze. Nodding her head at her friends, the older angel backed away to head towards her bedroom,
"Goodnight, Babies."
"Goodnight, Tess," Monica replied back, shooting a small, trembling smile towards her older friend. Waiting until her former supervisor was up in the bedroom and the door was closed, Monica turned back towards her best friend and scooted her stool closer to him. As soon as she was right in front of him, she reached her hands out and took hold of Andrew’s tightly, squeezing them.
Noticing the younger, Irish angel’s look, Andrew looked back at her briefly, trying his hardest to hold back the strong emotions he was feeling right then. Wishing he could just turn away from her for good, the angel suddenly found it impossible as he seemed to be forcing his head back around to Monica and facing her straight in the eyes,
"Monica…I don’t know what you want me to say right now," He softly, yet shakily, whispered, turning his green eyes to his lap,
"I really don’t know what you want me to say…I’m so confused right now, Angel Girl. I’m so tired…"
"Andrew…You don’t have to say anything right now, my friend," Monica ever-gently replied, giving her best friend’s hands another tight squeeze before releasing them and bringing them up to his face and lifting his face back up to face her own,
"Right now, I want to tell you something. All you have to do is listen. That’s all, Andrew…just listen…"
Watching as her fellow angel looked back at her, tears brimming in his green eyes, she smiled a tiny grin as she heard him utter a slight,
"What?"
"Andrew…Do you remember 10 years ago before Carla became my caseworker – "
"Monica…Please, not this – " Andrew uttered tearfully, trying to pull his hands away from Monica’s grasp and to cover his face with them; but Monica refused to let them go. Instead, she brought them closer up towards her heart, her eyes burning into his sad, green ones,
"Please, Monica…Not this. Anything – anything but this…"
"Why don’t you want to remember it, my friend?" Monica whispered lovingly, giving her best friend’s hands a light squeeze,
"You helped me through the toughest time in my entire angelic existence and I know I couldn’t have gone through it without you, Andrew. I don’t think you ever really knew how much you being there meant to me. But…I want you to know right now…"
(FLASHBACKS)
His eyes burning from the smoke, the blond angel looked around him as he rose to his feet shakily. The flames made it easier to see as his eyes came to rest on a boarded up window on the other side of the attic.
Racing over to it, he wrapped his fingers around the first board and pulled on it as hard as he could, letting out a small cry as the nails came lose from the window and the wood dug into his fingers. His desperation fueled him as he continued tearing at each wooden board until they had all been removed. He then walked back to Monica and took his coat, wrapping it around his arm, before he returned to the window and shattered it with his wrapped arm.
His human lungs welcomed the clean air that came racing into the attic, and he turned back to his best friend as he realized she had started coughing as the smoke and fire came closer. Racing back to her, he dropped the coat and knelt down beside her,
"Put your arms around my neck, baby. Let's get you over to this window so you can get some air."
Monica nodded her head though she couldn't speak for coughing and crying as she wrapped her arms tightly around him and he lifted her up into his arms.
Andrew carried her over to the window and lowered her back to the ground, kneeling beside of her, watching worriedly, as she took in several short gasps of air between coughs,
"You okay?" He asked, his voice etched with deep concern for her as his eyes darted nervously to the flames that were now well on their way into the attic.
"Yes," She managed to say after a moment,
"Andrew, is there a way out?"
Andrew turned away from her and stuck his head out the window, his hopeful heart sinking at what he saw. Yes, there was a way-a very narrow ledge that seemed to lead to an upper porch as it rounded the corner. It would be possible for him to get to it, but not for Monica. He would never be able to carry her on so narrow a walkway and there was no way she could walk on that ankle.
"There is a ledge, sweetie," He said softly, not meeting her eyes, less she see the tears that shimmered there,
"But it's only a few inches wide at best, and…I wouldn't be able to get us both safely over it."
Monica lowered her head, fighting another outpouring of tears as her mind raced frantically for a moment. She could feel the heat from the flames, and she looked up, seeing them now flowing across the rafters above them,
"Then go, Andrew! Go and get help!"
"Monica," He turned to look at her, his expression one of disbelief,
"No, I'm not leaving you. I can't do that-"
"Yes, you can! There isn't a choice in this any more, Andrew. If you don't go and try to find help, then…" Her voice trailed off for a moment, unable to say the words. Instead, she reached for his hands and gripped them tightly in her own; her brown eyes brimming with unshed tears,
"Please? Please go while you can!" She was begging now, as her eyes searched his pleadingly.
"No!" Andrew cried out, tears’ slipping onto his cheeks at the pain her request was causing him. If he went out that window and something happened to her, he would never forgive himself. Looking into her eyes now, he could see so much-it was like looking into a window of her life over the last three years as it all came to an abrupt head right now. He could see every ounce of pain and humiliation she had endured with Denise's failures as well as her devastation over possibly losing her first caseworker to Kathleen's dark and dangerous influence. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes and her great sorrow over his not forgiving her lying. It was a look that would be forever etched into his memory.
"Please Andrew! This is what I was so afraid of…I don't want you to get hurt! I could never forgive myself if that happened, especially not now." Her anguished words brought him back to the present as he sat back down close to her.
"Please Father," his heart pleaded as his mind raced with confusion as he watched the flames grow closer,
"Tell me what to do!" Andrew closed his eyes for a moment as he felt a peace fill his waiting heart and when he opened his eyes once more, he took Monica's tear-streaked face into his hands,
"I'm not leaving you, Angel Girl, and we are forgetting something very important here," He looked deeply into her eyes, searching them to see if she would remember for herself, but there was so much pain and panic in them that he knew she was far from thinking clearly,
"God is in control here, sweetheart, and instead of asking each other what we should do, perhaps we should ask Him."
*****
Andrew held onto her for a long time, waiting to see if her anguished sobs would diminish, but they never did. The pain was deeper than any he ever thought she had experienced before and his heart broke along with hers. Finally, he pulled away a little, watching as she bowed her head as the sobs continued to wrack through her exhausted body,
"Tess told me about Denise," He offered softly, tears for her pain, still streaking down his cheeks,
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I know it hurts, but it was not your fault, Angel Girl, you have to believe that."
"No," She cried out, shaking her head,
"I failed Andrew…I failed at everything. Denise was right, I'm a terrible angel, an even worse supervisor and a terrible friend. I didn't want to face it, but she was right." Another anguished cry escaped her and she covered her face with her hands as the sobs turned violent once again.
"Oh Monica, no," He uttered, his own voice trembling with grief. Reaching up, he pulled her hands away from her face, wanting to meet her eyes, but she was too ashamed to look at him,
"Listen to me, please? She wasn't right-she wasn't right about any of it. Nothing could be further from the truth and you know that."
"You don't understand," She wept miserably, drawing in a trembling breath,
"You don't know what this feels like…"
"No?" Andrew asked softly, his question causing her to glance up at him briefly,
"I think you're wrong there, sweetie. One of the hardest things for me when I was an Angel of Death was when humans made the other choice. The choice to not follow God, but to choose darkness instead. It hurt, Monica, every single time it happened, but I knew it wasn't my fault. They had a choice to make and I couldn't make it for them, even though I wanted to more than anything. Denise had a choice to make too, Angel Girl, and even though it was a heartbreaking choice, you could not make it for her, no matter how much you wanted to."
Monica swallowed hard, trying to calm the tears that refused to subside,
"I should have tried harder, Andrew. I…I gave up on her and became afraid of her instead. What kind of supervisor is afraid of her own Caseworker?"
"One who has good cause to be," He whispered, his hand moving to stroke her cheek, though at the loving gesture another sob broke free from her,
"There are some angels that just don't make it, baby and Denise, unfortunately, was one of those angels."
"But what if it is me, Andrew? What if I am the reason she didn't make it?" She uttered, finally meeting his loving green eyes.
Andrew smiled softly at her,
"Monica, you are the sweetest, most loving soul I have ever met in all of my existence. God's love just dwells inside of you and it is so strong, Monica, that anyone who is around you can feel it. Denise chose not to feel it or accept it, and that, my friend, is her loss. You had so much to give her, Monica, just like you give so much to everyone you come in contact with and I'm sorry that Denise will never understand or know that light that shines inside of you. But I know it, Angel Girl, and it breaks my heart to think that Denise's decision is going to cover that light," His hands moved to wipe the tears from her face, even as new ones replaced them,
"Don't let that happen, sweetheart. Please don't let that happen."
The kindness and love in her friend's words and expression touched her deeply as she struggled to believe what it was he was saying, but after everything that had happened, it was just so hard,
"Tess must be so disappointed in me," She whispered finally, after a long moment.
"Not at all, Monica," Came the gentle reply,
"When the Father told Tess what had happened, she cried because she felt so badly for the pain it would cause you. She loves you, Angel Girl and she knows how hard you tried." He watched her face closely, trying to see if he was getting through the pain that was still so evident inside of her.
"She's placed so many doubts in that pretty head of yours," Andrew commented softly,
"But I want you to listen to what I'm saying, Monica. It was not your fault. There was nothing more you could have done and you did the very best that you could. The only thing you can give is all you have and you did that. I want you to believe that-you know I'd never lie to you, sweetheart."
"Oh Andrew," Monica uttered, hearing the mention of the one word that was weighing even more heavily on her conscience than Denise was,
"I'm so sorry and I know you can't forgive me for my lack of honesty, but just know how sorry I am. I can't imagine anything worse than losing your trust or Tess', and I'll never forgive myself for what I did, but-."
Andrew reached out and held a finger to her lips to silence her, his heart aching for the pain he had caused her,
"You know what? The past is in the past, sweetie, and all is forgiven. I'm the one who should be sorry. I took a situation that had far too much hurt already and added to it. I guess I just couldn't accept the fact that there was anything you couldn't tell me, but now, I do understand how afraid you were for me and for Tess as you had reason to be."
"But it wasn't better until I told you, Andrew. I wanted to tell you at the time, but I was having such a hard time believing it myself, so I didn't know how to share it with you. I just couldn't believe that Denise…that she…" Her gentle voice broke off again as the tears continued to flow.
Putting aside his own physical weariness, Andrew stood up and moved to sit on the bed, so he could wrap her up in the protection of his arms. He felt her head rest against his chest as her arms encircled him tightly. Sighing sadly, he pressed his lips to the top of her head and held her tightly as her shoulders shook with quiet sobs,
"That's it, Angel Girl," He whispered, his deep love for her evident in his voice,
"Let it all out. Cry it out and then know that soon, everything will be all right again. I promise it will be, sweetheart, I promise." Tears once again streaking his own cheeks, he leaned back, keeping her in his arms, as he offered up silent prayers for the healing of his best friend's broken heart.
(END OF FLASHBACKS)
By the time Monica had finished speaking, the Irish angel was holding her dear friend lovingly in her arms, rocking him back and forth as he sobbed out everything he tried to hold in. Running her hand through his tangled, blonde hair as his head lay against her shoulder and his arms wrapped around her waist tightly, Monica tightened her hold around her best friend as she spoke softly,
"It's all right, Andrew...Let it out. Let it out, my friend..."
Not trusting himself to speak just yet, Andrew just gave his head a small nod as he continued to hold onto his friend and former co-worker.
"Andrew...I just have one more thing to ask of you," Monica whispered into his right ear as she rumpled his hair like Tess always did with both of them,
"Just think about this decision your making through the night, okay, Andrew? Just sleep on it for the night...Please don't make such a rash decision right now...Think about it."
Hearing the sobs lessen from her best friend, but his body still trembling a bit, Monica rested her chin on Andrew's shoulder as she only continued to rock her friend and lift up more prayers to the Father that Andrew would make the correct decision here.
Chapter 15
Andrew had decided that it really was darkest the hour before the dawn. Unable to sleep, the angel had slipped quietly from the cabin hours ago, wanting some fresh air and some time to think.
Everything Monica and Tess had said to him ran through his mind; glimpses of times past and the things that they had gotten through together with God’s help caused him to blink back tears as he wandered aimlessly through the woods. More than any other memory though, the memory of what had happened with Denise and Monica haunted him. Maybe because he finally understood how his friend had felt, thinking she had failed. Andrew now knew how deeply the pain of that knowledge could run. The only difference was that Monica had not walked away from Denise in the way he had walked away from Sally. He had almost willed her to die, as far as he was concerned, and that was something he didn’t think he could live with.
No, what he had done was different and he had no idea how to even ask for forgiveness for it as he was certain he didn’t deserve it. As he was too ashamed to ask for it, he didn’t see where there was any other alternative, other than to ask to be removed from his duties. He didn’t exactly know what that entailed though. Did he simply cease to exist or would he be banished somewhere? The angel didn’t know and the unknown frightened him in this case, but yet, he saw no other way.
Andrew knew it would hurt Tess and Monica greatly and tears fell from his eyes as he thought about his friends. Tess would probably grieve and then put on a strong front, but Monica….
"Don’t do this to yourself!" He scolded himself, shaking the image of the auburn haired angel from his mind. He had failed deliberately and now he just needed to prepare for what he was going to ask for….
*****
"Tess? Have you seen Andrew?" Monica asked as she flew into the kitchen the following morning.
Taking one look at her young friend, Tess could tell that Monica had slept very little, if at all. Tess had also had a lot of trouble falling asleep for worrying about Andrew, but the emotional exhaustion had finally caused her to give into rest, but Monica looked as if she had been awake all night, judging by the dark circles underneath her human eyes which were reddened from tears and lack of sleep,
"Calm down, baby. He hasn’t come downstairs yet.."
"Tess, he isn’t upstairs! His bed doesn’t look like it has been slept in!" The Irish angel was becoming more distraught by the minute, afraid that her best friend had followed through on what it was he planned to do.
Tess felt her heart began to pound loudly in her chest,
"Lets try to stay calm here, Angel Girl. He wouldn’t do anything rash without telling us first-."
"How do you KNOW that, Tess? Judging by the state he has been in, I’d say it would make it easier for him to not tell us!"
Before Tess could come up with the words to calm the angel who was on the verge of hysterics, the back door to the cabin opened and the two angels spun around to face their friend.
"ANDREW!!" They cried out in unison, before Tess looked at him sternly,
"Baby, where have you been?"
"Andrew, we’ve been so worried!" Monica added, walking over to him and reaching for his hand.
But before her fingers could grasp his, Andrew furiously jerked his hand away from her,
"Don’t you two ever quit?" He snapped at them, feeling completely overwhelmed by their concern for him,
"I just wanted a little privacy, which I obviously can’t get here! I can take care of myself, ladies, I’ve been doing it for the last ten years!" Storming past the now speechless angels, Andrew raced upstairs.
There was silence in the kitchen for a moment, both angels trying to understand exactly what had just occurred. Tess had a feeling that Andrew was now headed down the wrong path once more, but she now felt totally powerless to stop it from happening. She and Monica had tried everything they knew last night to convince him that this decision would be wrong, but had it helped?
The older angel was snapped out of her thoughts as Monica left the kitchen. Turning to follow her, Tess watched as she opened the closet door, grabbed her coat from the hanger, and hurriedly put it on,
"Angel Girl, where are you going?" She asked carefully.
Monica was silent for a moment more as her trembling hands tried in vain to button up the coat,
"I’m leaving, Tess. I’m obviously not needed here, he doesn’t want me here, so I’m leaving."
"Now, you just hang on one minute, Monica. Do mean to tell me that you are giving up on Andrew?" Tess looked at her former charge, a stern look on her mahogany face.
"No! Yes! I don’t know, Tess!" Exasperatedly, Monica gave up on the buttons as tears began to fall from her eyes,
"I just can’t do this anymore! For the last 15 years, I’ve had long periods of wondering if I’d ever see him again, but don’t you see Tess? There was always the possibility that I would! I would rather leave now and wonder that, than to know for a fact that he is never coming back! I don’t think I go through the rest of eternity and know that I’ll never see or touch him again! I can’t do it, Tess, I can’t!" Sobbing openly now, the angel turned away from her friend.
"Monica, listen to me, baby. You’re tired and the last 24 hours have been emotionally draining for all of us. You’re not thinking clearly, baby." Tess desperately tried to reason with her, afraid that if she was unable to change Monica’s mind, that her young friend would do something she would regret forever,
"He may be pushing you away, but he needs you, Angel Girl. You have a way with him that no other angel does. He loves you, baby."
Monica was crying too hard to answer at first, but she finally gained enough control to speak after a moment,
"M..Maybe ten years was too long, Tess, because he certainly doesn’t need me anymore. He has made that all too clear and I can’t keep fighting him like this! It’s too hard to do and still have to watch him slip further and further away from us! All those memories last night, Tess…all those memories and it seems like I’ve been afraid of losing him for so long due to things beyond our control. The plane, Titanic, when he went to Search and Rescue…and he knows all of that! But now, this time, he is in control of it and he doesn’t care enough about me or you or the Father to stop it from happening! So don’t talk to me about him needing me! Maybe he never did-maybe he never needed either of us, if it is so easy for him to throw it all away!"
"Monica, please," Tess begged, approaching her friend and laying her hands on her shoulders,
"You know that God is still in control of all of this. You know that, baby…"
"Then why isn’t He stopping it?" The words were out before the hurting angel had a chance to think them through. Ashamed and more confused than ever, Monica broke free of Tess’ grasp and headed for the door. Her hand lingered for a moment on the knob before she turned it,
"I’m sorry, Tess," She wept brokenly,
"Maybe I’m being selfish, but I just love him too much to watch him do this." Not giving Tess a chance to reply, Monica hurried out the door, closing it firmly behind her.
Tears filled Tess’ brown eyes as a small cry escaped her lips, but then, hearing a sound behind her, she turned around and gazed up the stairs where her eyes briefly met Andrew’s and one look was all she needed to know that he had heard every pain-filled word his best friend had uttered.
Monica walked down the steps of the cabin, her vision blurred by the tears that refused to end. Descending the last step, she stopped, her emotions in turmoil. After a moment, she realized it was raining and wondered why she hadn’t noticed it before, but yet she knew it was because her heart was too laden with grief. Not knowing what to do, she sank down onto the step, and buried her face in her hands, crying as though her heart would break; giving no thought to the rain that was slowly soaking her coat and hair. The cold drops couldn’t touch her now, she was sure, as she welcomed the numbness that came with her tears.
Chapter 16
Before Tess had the chance to even open her mouth and say something to her "Angel Boy", Andrew immediately sucked in a sharp breath before turning on his heel and dashing back upstairs to his room, guilt evident in his eyes.
Her heart breaking that Andrew ended up hearing everything that Monica had just said just now, and also that her "Angel Girl" had left as she did, Tess started towards the stairs after her Baby, but stopped as she heard the door slam shut. Fighting back a flood of hot tears, the older angel lifted her sorrowful, brown eyes to the ceiling, whispering a quick prayer,
"Oh, Father...Please...help him. Help Monica, too...My Angel Boy needs to see the Light and the only way is through You, God..."
*****
Oh, Lord...What have I done? What have I DONE?? Andrew silently screamed as soon as the wooden door of his room closed behind him with a bang. Guilt raging through him at what he had just heard between his best friend and Tess – and Monica's leaving – the torn-up human angel walked stiffly over to the mirror beside his door and stared at his reflection.
A few seconds after his teary-green eyes came in contact with those in the large mirror before him, Andrew felt a boiling rage unlike any he had ever experienced before tear through his body and a scream ripped from his throat that he didn’t' recognize as his voice. Before he knew what he was doing, the broken angel grabbed a water glass sitting on his nightstand, which still held fresh tap water in it, and threw the glass at the mirror in front of him, shattering both into tiny pieces.
Feeling a warm tingle down his fright hand and slowly making its way to his entire arm, Andrew, still breathing hard, glanced down and felt hot tears spill down his cheeks at the sight of the red blood on his arm. Slowly closing his hand into a fist, a few pieces of glass still in his palm, Andrew gave his hand a hard squeeze and watched more blood form between his fingers. Ignoring the intense pain of the cuts, the blonde angel weakly dropped to his knees on his carpeted floor and brought his free hand to his eyes, covering them as his body trembled.
Right before he thought he would lose the rest of his composure and strength, Andrew all of a sudden felt the ever-Loving presence of Another in his room...and the feel of His own scarred hands taking Andrew's cut ones in His palms.
His breathe ever-slowly becoming even again, Andrew watched through pained, green eyes as the large, red cut that once was right across the palm of his hand was now, with the Healing Power of his Father God, no longer there...
A soft glow seeming to come out of nowhere to human beings, but not to angels, Andrew raised his tear-stained eyes up into the familiar, Loving face of the Lord God Himself...Feeling his heard pounding loudly in his chest as he stared into the Lord's forever gentle face and the caring look in His eyes, Andrew once again felt guilt tear through him as he knew he didn't deserve this visit right now...especially from...
"Andrew," God's ever-Loving Voice said gently as He released His child's now-healed hand and raised it to wipe away the few tears on the young angel's cheeks,
"My angel, you know you have nothing to be afraid of right now. You know that, Andrew."
Slowly starting to back away from the One whom, deep down, he knew loved him unconditionally, but yet was still frightened, Andrew pulled his now healed hands out of the Loving, gentle grasp of his Heavenly Father. His green eyes burning into the ones before him, the angel kept backing away as the Creator only stood to His feet and came closer to him. Kneeling down beside His beloved angel, He rested His hands on Andrew's shaking shoulders, nothing but love shining in His eyes.
"Andrew, I know what's going on right now, My child - "
"I know...and that's why You can't forgive me, CAN You?" Andrew heartbrokenly cried out, tears spilling down his face again as he looked over the Lord's shoulder at the broken mirror,
"Are You here to punish me for my actions earlier?? Towards Sally...AND Monica and Tess??" he shouted, voice breaking.
"Oh, Andrew..." the Healer soothingly replied, removing His hands from the human angel's shoulders and gathering his form into His Loving embrace,
"You know by now that I always forgive My children. No matter what horrible dead they have done, I always can and will forgive them if they only ask...Yes; you made a mistake, My angel. That happens. It happens every day to humans and angels. But just because you made a mistake doesn't mean that I stopped loving you, Andrew. It doesn't mean I no longer want you to be one of My angels. It doesn't mean Tess and Monica will leave you - "
"But I HAVE to leave, Father!" Andrew interrupted, burying his now pink face into the Creator's shoulder as he only continued to sob,
"Oh, God, I never should have left Sally! And - and because of my actions...TWO lives were lost - when there could have been none if only - if only..." Unable to continue speaking, the blonde Search and Rescue angel just let out every one of his emotions in God's arms.
"Andrew, yes Sally chose to not accept Me. Yes, she pushed you away. Yes, she chose darkness instead of My Light after the earthquake. But, she had free will, My child. Everyone does...and two lives were not lost that day. The baby you went to go save DID survive, Andrew. She's alive at this very moment and back with her family. I set another angel to be with little Stephanie - "
"What??" Andrew whispered, his heart pounding in his ears as he pulled away from the embrace,
"She - she's...alive??"
Smiling lovingly at His angel in front of Him, God grasped Andrew's hands in His own one more time,
"I sent your supervisor, Rose, to be with Stephanie during the earthquake, Andrew. You may have thought that she didn't survive that morning, but she did and is alive and well right now..."
Watching as Andrew's features went through several different looks and emotions all at once, the Lord of Lords continued in His forever Loving Voice,
"I know you think you can't forgive yourself for Sally's death, My child, but I also know this: Just ask Me to help you forgive yourself and I will. I'll help you heal, Andrew...I know I don't have to tell you THAT one. And I also know that deep down in that sensitive, loving heart of yours, you don't really want to give up your angel status. Do you?"
Finding himself at a loss of words, Andrew turned his tear-stained eyes to the ground, unable to look the Father back in the eyes as his own mind was now in a whirl...
"Andrew, you know that I'm telling you the truth when I say that you're an excellent angel. And I gave you two best friends, also, that want nothing more than to help you and tell you how much they love you. Remember what I told you about forgiving yourself and how I'm always willing to forgive you, My precious angel? That offer is always open...and My Love for you will never end..."
Hesitantly and slowly raising his sad, green eyes to his Loving God, Andrew gulped before searching for his voice,
"I do want to be forgiven, Father...I really do. But - "
Lifting a finger to the angel's lips, the King of Kings whispered gently,
"No 'buts', Andrew. No 'buts'. No wrong deed would ever take away My Love and forgiveness. Never."
Lower lip trembling slightly, Andrew finally met his Father's eyes, looking into them. As he spoke, the angel found that his voice didn't sound like any he recognized right now,
"Oh, God...Father - please...please, forgive me. Please..."
As he felt himself break down once more, the Creator once again reached His arms out and lovingly gathered His child back into His safe embrace, rocking him gently as the two sat on the floor.
"Dad...I can't - forgive myself alone. I can't - Help me, Father...please, help me..."
Chapter 17
"Tess?"
Tess whirled around in her seat in front of the fireplace, eyes swollen from crying, and turned towards the familiar voice off to the side,
"Angel Boy..."
Sniffling and rising to her feet, a handkerchief clenched in her hand, the older angel walked slowly towards her former charge...almost afraid that if she neared any closer, he’d bite her. Stopping in her tracks until the two angels were face to face, she looked into her friend's green eyes, which no longer held as much pain as before.
"Tess...I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am for how I've acted towards you and Monica..."
A sad smile starting to trace her features, the dark-skinned angel pushed the thought of Monica leaving to the side at least for the moment to talk to her Baby,
"Angel Boy, you don't have to apologize. Really, you don't..."
"Yes, I do, Tess..." Andrew interrupted, stepping closer until the wide space between them had closed. Grasping her hand in his own, he continued,
"I want to apologize to both you and Monica...who I overheard an hour ago that she was leaving, Tess. I - I had a long talk with the Father just now. He made me realize a lot of things. He really can and does forgive angels and humans, no matter what kind of mistake they make; and He can heal those with broken hearts if - if we only just ask Him to..."
"Oh, Baby, of course He does," Tess lovingly responded, gathering her friend into her arms, tears starting to brim in her eyes again, both that her "Angel Boy" was healing and also of sadness of where Monica had went,
"He always does, Andrew, no matter what..."
Giving his supervisor a squeeze, his mind now set on something totally different, the Search and Rescue angel gently pulled back from the embrace and stared into Tess' eyes,
"Tess...Where DID Monica go? I - I need to talk to her..."
Sighing with regret, and a look of sadness displayed on her face, Tess looked down at the floor before answering,
"I don't know where she went, Angel Baby...She - she just left; she didn't say where..."
As soon as the words came out of Tess' mouth, she watched as her "Angel Boy" headed towards the coat closet at full speed. A shocked look on her face, she called after her friend, fear in her voice now,
"Andrew! Where are you going? It's pouring out there - "
"Tess, I have to find her," Andrew responded, shrugging into his heavy jacket, not bothering to button it up,
"I just have to find her...and I need to talk to her..."
As soon as Andrew had closed the front door behind him, he knew he wouldn’t have to look very far. The sounds of the rain falling only partly muffled the anguished sobs of his dearest friend and as he gazed down the steps, his eyes came to rest on the figure sitting on the bottom step, huddled up against the railing. She was soaking wet and her hands covered her face as her slight body shook from tears and the cold.
"Oh Father," Andrew thought, his heart breaking for the pain he had caused,
"Has she been out here this entire hour?"
Slowly and carefully, he ascended the steps, ignoring the rain, and sat down silently beside of her. Still unaware of his presence, he whispered her name,
"Monica."
As she lifted her head from her hands, Andrew felt tears burn in his eyes. There was so much sorrow evident in her expression, her eyes red-rimmed and swollen from crying, water dripping from her hair, mingling with her tears.
Guilt tore through him at the pain he had caused, but before it could consume him, he heard the voice of his Creator once more.
"No, My son, her tears are not for the hurt you caused. Her tears are at the thought of losing one she loves so much."
Without another thought, the blond haired angel pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly to him as she wept.
Monica clung tightly to his jacket, her forehead resting against his chest as the sobs continued to flow through her,
"P-please, Andrew…D-Don’t leave me…Please…"
"No," He whispered lovingly into her ear, as he felt her trembling. Knowing he needed to get her inside, he rose to his feet, bringing her with him and wrapping his arm around her waist supportively, he led her back up the steps and into the house. Thankfully, Tess had started a fire and he sat his friend down in the chair he had used last night, before grabbing the two afghans from the couch. Removing her coat, he wrapped the blankets snugly around the still weeping angel, and then sat down on the stool facing her.
"Listen to me, sweetheart, please," Andrew pleaded as he pulled the blankets tighter around her,
"I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry…"
"No, don’t go, Andrew…please…"
Her words came flooding back to him, so much like that night so long ago on the bench-the night of her promotion. So much had changed since then, yet so much had remained the same…
"No, sweetie, I’m not leaving," Reaching up, he cupped her face in his hands as he repeated his words more firmly,
"I’m not leaving. I was wrong, Monica. Leaving was never the answer-I only thought it was, but the Father showed me otherwise. I’m not leaving you, Angel Girl, at least, not for forever."
Monica searched his eyes, as if searching for the truth and seeing it there, in the love shining back at her, she flung herself into his arms once more as she released the remainder of her tears.
Andrew held her tightly in his arms, his hands stroking her wet hair as he kissed the top of her head. Sighing with relief, he rocked her gently,
"Oh sweet Angel Girl…I don’t know what makes you love me so much, but I’m so thankful that you do. God gave me a wonderful gift in your friendship and Tess’ too. Thank you for all the things you made me remember last night. I know I wasn’t receptive at the time, but those memories, Monica, they mean so much to me, just like you do, and I’m so glad you didn’t leave."
Monica pulled away, fighting to pull herself together, as she managed a shaky smile,
"As soon as I went out the door, Andrew, I knew I couldn’t leave you. I just wish that every time that happened, water wasn’t involved."
Andrew grinned as he watched a laugh slip from her, and he chuckled, softly at first, then a moment later, his laughter mingled with hers rang through the cabin.
Chapter 18
"Feeling better, baby?" Tess asked as Monica came down the stairs after a hot shower. Her charge had changed into jeans and a heavy turtleneck sweater, her still damp auburn hair framing her face. Tess noted that though Monica’s eyes were still tired, that they were shining with happiness.
"Much, thank you, Tess," She replied, exchanging a look with Andrew, who sat on the couch, before she moved to throw another log on the fire,
"You know, it’s the strangest thing…ever since Titanic, whenever I am in human form and get cold, it takes me forever to warm back up again."
"Well, if you wouldn’t sit out in the rain for an hour, you probably wouldn’t get cold," Andrew replied, leaning back on the couch to await her reaction.
Monica whirled around, a retort on the tip of her tongue, but when she saw him grinning, she smiled,
"Now you listen here, buster," She threatened teasingly, still rubbing her hands together to try and shake the chill.
Winking at her, Andrew patted the seat beside of him and when she curled up next to him, he wrapped his arms around her, taking her chilled hands into his warm ones,
"How’s that?"
"Better. You’re nice and warm," She replied, scooting back further into the comfortable embrace of her friend.
"You know, I was just thinking of all the memories you two shared with me last night and I have one I’d like to share with both of you."
"Which one is that, Baby?" Tess smiled as she looked over at him.
"Well, it was the time after the whole Kathleen fiasco," He watched as Monica leaned her head back against his shoulder and looked up at him curiously,
"When you were walking on the beach a few days later, thinking about all that had happened and the power of friendship…"
(FLASHBACK)
But God had a way of healing hearts, even in angels and she had to smile when she thought of Andrew, remembering the first time she had ever met him, and how insanely jealous she had been of Tess’ relationship with him. She would have tossed him off that train given half a chance! But in that moment when the train had passed him by once his part of the assignment was over, she had caught a glimpse of a deep kindness in his eyes and she had immediately known that she had been too hasty in her judgment of him. Little had she known at that moment just how terribly important he would become in her existence.
She stopped walking and gazed out over the ocean, the straw hat she wore shielding her eyes from the bright sunlight. She marveled for a moment at the power of the ocean, so much like the power of friendship. It was so beautiful and so inviting, yet it had to be treated with care and respect, lest it pull you under in its strong hold. Kathleen could have easily pulled her under, had Andrew not been there to pull her back.
She sighed softly, her dark eyes gazing up the lovely blue sky above her,
"Thank you, Father." She whispered softly.
"Monica!"
She turned her head to see Andrew walking down the beach towards her and she smiled at the way the sun caught his blond hair as it blew lazily in the ocean breeze. She turned towards him as he grew closer and in a moment of impulsiveness, she broke into a run, her bare feet pounding into the wet sand.
Once the space between them closed, she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly for a moment. She felt his arms encircle her waist and she relaxed in his warm embrace.
"Are you okay?" He asked, after a moment, his voice tinged with concern for her.
Monica smiled as she pulled away a little and nodded her head,
"Andrew, remember the first time we met, on the train?" Seeing him nod his head, she continued,
"I don’t think I ever apologized to you for being so terribly rude to you and I wanted to do that, right here, right now."
Andrew laughed as he shook his head,
"Angel Girl, that was years ago!"
"I know it, but I wanted to tell you I was sorry anyway. Can you ever forgive me?" She gazed up at him, her expression completely serious.
"Since when do you even have to ask?" He responded softly, seeing that this was important to her.
She smiled happily, feeling truly blessed in so many ways,
"I want to thank you too."
His eyes twinkling warmly, he grinned back at her,
"For what, sweetie?"
"For pulling me back," Came the simple response as she reached for his hand.
Andrew gazed out at the ocean for a moment, finally understanding what she was saying. He squeezed her hand tightly as he gave her a gentle tug as they resumed walking down the beach.
There were no words between them. At that moment, none were needed.
(END FLASHBACK)
Andrew smiled as he finished the story,
"I just wanted to take this moment to thank both of you for pulling me back. I nearly made a terrible mistake today."
"You’re quite welcome, Baby," Tess replied, her eyes shining with her love for him,
"That’s what friends are for."
"But Andrew," Monica said softly, tilting her head back once more to be able to see him,
"It was the Father who pulled you back."
"Rumor has it, Angel Girl, that He sent a few of His angels to help me when I needed them most," Came the loving reply, as he gazed into her tired eyes.
Monica smiled up at him, but a moment later, her expression clouded and she gazed back at the fire, fighting back tears.
Sensing the change within her, Andrew tightened his hold on her,
"What is it, sweetie? What’s wrong?"
"Now that you’re okay, and I’m so glad you are, Andrew, but it must mean that we’ll all be leaving again and going our separate ways," Her voice trembled as she spoke and she let go of his hand long enough to swipe at a lone tear that escaped her eye.
"Well, I have it on the highest authority that we are all getting a few days off and we have specific instructions to stay right here," Andrew smiled, winking at Tess for his use of one of her famous phrases,
"So, lets not think about saying good-bye just yet, okay?" Even as he said the words, he felt the sadness creep into his own heart over the time when they would have to be separated again. He thought about Monica’s words last night, about never getting used to the separation and he admitted to himself that he never had either.
"That makes three of us, Angel Boy," Tess said, seemingly reading his thoughts,
"I miss the old days of the three of us working together."
"Think we’ll ever come full circle, Tess? I mean, one day work together again?" He asked, his eye filled with hope as he looked over at her.
"Hard to say what the Father has planned, Baby, but it sure is a nice thought." She smiled and nodded her head towards the youngest angel,
"Seems our Angel Girl has lost the battle."
Glancing down, Andrew realized Monica had fallen asleep, her head resting against his shoulder, even as her hands continued to hold onto his. Smiling, he kissed the top of her head.
"Want me to help you get her up to bed, Baby?"
"No," He replied softly,
"She’s fine right where she is," He smiled, thinking of the past 24 hours,
"You know, I can’t believe I almost threw this all away this morning. There are a lot of things I would have missed-like talking to you and watching her sleep, not to mention doing God’s work. These times, Tess, that I share with you and Monica…well, lets just say that I carry those memories with me and often they get me through until the next time our paths cross. I just wish the time in between wasn’t quite so long."
"I think that is something all three of us would agree with, Baby," Tess replied with a sad smile,
"I think the hardest part of my job is missing the two of you. Ole Tess loves you both more than you can probably imagine."
"Oh, I think we know, Tess. Speaking for myself and I think I can safely speak for Monica too, no matter what we are doing or where we are, there are two other angels that we carry with us constantly in our hearts. Friendship is a gift and the Father knew what He was doing when He had our paths cross for the first time."
Tess smiled as she leaned her head back, taking in the warmth of the fire and enjoying the comfortable feeling of being with her dearest friends,
"That He did, Angel Boy, that He did."
Epilogue
The next few days passed entirely too quickly for the three angels, though they had made the most of their time together. They had spent their days exploring the mountain and rejoicing in the beauty of God’s creation, and their evenings in front of the fire, talking and catching up on the last ten years. The friendship that they shared was rare in the extreme comfort that they had with each other and there was nothing that they could not discuss with each other. The time together was good for their souls, and even though the upcoming separation loomed before them, they didn’t discuss it, but just spent every possible minute together. The only time they were not together was when Monica mysteriously vanished for a few hours one day, and would not speak of where she had been upon her return. She would only smile, and Andrew had the feeling that Tess knew where his friend had gone, but she wasn’t talking either.
But Saturday morning came despite their hopes that it never would. Breakfast that morning was solemn, each angel knowing that in a few hours, they would once again go their own ways. Andrew attempted to keep things light and cheerful, despite the fact that he didn’t feel that way in his heart and more than once he would look at Monica or Tess and feel tears threaten his eyes. He knew his friends felt the strain as well-Tess was bordering on grumpy and Monica had said very little all morning.
Early in the afternoon, the three angels walked outside, knowing that the hour was drawing near. Monica walked down the steps last, lagging behind, unwilling to let go. Once she had ascended the last step she turned around and found that the cabin that had been a temporary home was gone. Her eyes clouded with tears as she turned back to her friends, her eyes downcast.
"I guess this is it, babies," Tess said softly, her sorrowful eyes looking at each one of them, though she noticed Monica didn’t look up and that Andrew had tears shimmering in his eyes,
"You both know how much I love you and I know that our paths will meet again, though I don’t know when," Her voice trembled as she forced back tears, not wanting to make it harder on them,
"I just hope it isn’t another ten years…"
"I hope not, too, Tess…" Andrew whispered, his voice slightly shaky and he looked up at his older friend. Stepping towards her one final time, the angel soon found himself wrapped in Tess’ tight embrace. Hugging her tightly to himself one final time, the blonde Search and Rescue angel planted a loving kiss on top of his former supervisor’s curly head and rested his cheek upon it, the tears making their way down his cheeks slowly, "Thanks for everything; you have no idea how much it meant to me…"
"Oh, Angel Boy…No need to thank me," Tess replied softly, running her hand through Andrew’s blonde hair one last time as she laid a soft kiss on top of his forehead, the tears threatening in her own eyes, spilling from them against her will,
"You never have to thank me, Baby…"
No more words spoken between them, the two angels finally separated and Tess moved towards Monica to say her final goodbye to her "Angel Girl". Grasping her hands in her own and finally making eye contact with her, Tess swallowed, speaking in the same loving voice as she did Andrew,
"Angel Girl, this won’t be forever. Remember what I said: Our paths will cross again. I’m sure of it." Forcing a smile on her face to reassure Monica, Tess held out her arms and wrapped the youngest angel up in them tightly, holding her for a long time. Whispering words of love into her ear, the two finally separated and Tess started to move backwards away from her two best friends,
"I love you two, Angel Babies…" she spoke sadly as she slowly departed away from them,
"Never forget how much I love you. And – I’ll see you later…"
Before either angel could get control of their emotions as they watched their friend leave, Andrew and Monica kept their eyes on Tess until she finally disappeared into the light. Swallowing hard and trying to fight back another round of tears at the goodbye that was ahead for him and his best friend, Andrew slowly turned around to face Monica, her brown eyes now on him. With no words between the two, Monica immediately ran towards her best friend and threw arms around his neck tightly, soft sobs heard against his shoulder.
Oh, God, I knew it would be hard…But I didn’t know it would be this hard…Andrew silently prayed as he held his friend close to him for the last time, rubbing her back and stroking her hair like he had always did. Father, please…please give me strength to say goodbye to her without falling apart here…
"I love you so much, Andrew," Monica whispered, burying her head against the nape of his neck, one her hands tightly clenching the back of his shirt, as if that would keep him from leaving,
"I’ll always love you…"
"You know I love you, too, Angel Girl," Andrew softly replied, tears spilling into the other angel’s hair as he rocked his friend back and forth, not knowing what else to say. His heart was nearly breaking, as he knew that he did have to leave her very soon. The time had come…
Gently laying a soft kiss on her head before slowly pulling away from the embrace, Andrew gave his friend’s shoulders a final rub, looking deep into her eyes,
"Thank you so much for everything, Baby," he whispered, the tears falling once again against his fight to hold them back,
"I don’t know what else to say…except, thank you so much for what you did for me…I’ve never had such best friends like you and Tess…"
"And I you, Andrew," Monica choked out, grasping her friend’s hand in his, the tears continuing to spill down her cheeks. Looking down at the hand that was clenched in a fist, the angel slowly looked back up at Andrew, her eyes meeting his,
"That’s why I wanted to give you this before we leave our separate ways again, my friend…It’s for you to always remember me."
"You know I could never forget you, Monica," Andrew started to object, a look of confusion on his handsome, yet sad face,
"You didn’t have to get anything for me – "
"Oh, but I did," Monica interrupted, taking his hand in her own and placing a small delicate object in his palm. Meeting his teary, green eyes, she watched as he slowly opened his hand and lifted up a gold necklace with a small locket at the end of it. Tears falling from his eyes, he gently opened up the locket and nearly burst out crying at the picture inside. Inside the small locket sat a picture of him on one side and Monica on the other. Turning the necklace back around to look at the front, he read the engraved words, even more tears coming:
"Best Friends Forever"
Gently taking the necklace from his hand, Monica unfastened the clasp and placed it around Andrew’s neck. Watching as her dearest friend looked down at the heart-shaped locket that hung from his neck, the Irish angel leaned forward and planted a tiny kiss on his tear-streaked cheek as her own continued to flow.
"Oh, Monica…" Andrew whispered, looking back at her, love showing in his eyes towards her,
"Monica, I wish I had something to give to you – "
"You don’t have to give me anything, my friend. I got this for you because I want you to always remember how much you mean to me. Keep this close to your heart and know that I’ll be there for you again if you ever need me. Just like the Father would never forsake you or leave you."
No more words spoken between the two friends, Andrew and Monica exchanged one final, tight embrace before the Irish angel reluctantly backed away from her best friend into the soft white light up ahead. Even from a distance, Andrew could still see the tears in her soft, brown eyes and he gulped quietly, trying to get a hold of his emotions once again.
Watching her lift her hand in a final wave to him, Andrew slowly waved back as he know watched his best friend disappear before his very eyes. Finding he was now alone and his friends were gone, the young blonde angel held the locket in his hand, close to his heart like Monica herself was, and glanced up to the trees.
Tears streaming down his cheeks both from thanks that he had gotten the help he needed from his two best friends and also from sadness at their departure once again for the third time, Andrew gazed up at the robin’s blue sky. The sun still shone brightly above him, even in the mountains and trees before him, he felt a faint smile come through even through his tears as a snow white dove flew off of a high tree branch right beside where the cabin used to be, and flew off into the sky.